Subway

* President Trump’s impeachment lawyer has asked that the impeachment trial be paused for the Jewish Sabbath. Guess he doesn’t roll shomer shabbos… [CNN]

* A Florida lawyer accidentally flashed his medical marijuana card instead of his driver’s license in a video that has gone viral. [Fox News]

* The Supreme Court has ruled that some of California’s restrictions on in-person worship are unconstitutional. [NPR]

* Kyle Rittenhouse, the teenager accused of shooting protestors in Kenosha, Wisconsin, has fired an attorney who raised a substantial amount of money for Rittenhouse’s legal defense. [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel]

* Subways is offering 15% off tuna sandwiches after a lawsuit was filed alleging the company does not use real tuna. Something smells fishy… [Yahoo News]

* A new lawsuit alleges that tuna served at Subway is not really tuna. Guess they knew something smelled fishy… [Washington Post]

* A prominent entertainment attorney, who represented novelists like Dan Brown and John Grisham, has passed away at 77. [Variety]

* A New York attorney has been charged for allegedly defrauding real estate investors. [Department of Justice]

* Investors are suing AstraZeneca for allegedly sustaining losses due to purported issues testing the company’s COVID-19 vaccine. [Bloomberg Law]

* President Biden’s brother supposedly advertised his relationship with the president in a law firm advertisement. Didn’t President Carter’s brother use his celebrity to sell beer? [NBC News]

* An Irish court has held that bread used in Subway sandwiches is too sugary to meet the legal definition of bread as a “staple” food for tax break purposes. Maybe they should put more “dough” into their bread… [New York Post]

* The Kentucky Attorney General will need to release materials related to grand jury proceedings over the death of Breonna Taylor by tomorrow. [CNN]

* An attorney for the alleged Kenosha shooter Kyle Rittenhouse announced plans to sue Joe Biden’s campaign over ads which purportedly depict Rittenhouse as a white supremacist. [Fox News]

* The Nevada Attorney General has warned that he will prosecute the type of poll watching allegedly suggested by President Trump at Tuesday’s presidential debate. [Hill]

* A lawyer was suspended from practice for failing to pay bar dues or filing a registration statement for years and practicing law while administratively suspended. Pay your bar dues everyone! [Bloomberg Law]

* Justice Ruth Bader Gisnburg has been released from the hospital after being admitted for chills and a fever. Wishing RBG a speedy recovery! [Wall Street Journal]

* A New York lawyer is seeking to break up his firm over his partner’s affairs with employees and other inappropriate conduct. [New York Post]

* A Canadian judge has dismissed Subway’s $150 million lawsuit against the CBC for claims relating to the percentage of actual chicken in Subway products. [Fox News]

* In-N-Out Burger has been accused in a lawsuit of starting a 2017 California wildfire. Never been there myself, but my West Coast friends tell me the place is on fire… [NBC News]

* A lawyer who criticized a Manhattan judge for not disclosing campaign donations made by his adversary Marc Kasowitz has been canned by his client. [New York Daily News]

* Damon Dash, a co-founder of Roc-A-Fella Records (I had to look this up!), has been sanctioned for unruly conduct at a deposition. [TMZ]

Home Depot and Menard's face the dumbest class action claim ever.

* “In the past, law school was often times seen as a safe haven in a bad market, and that’s just not the case given the jobs that are available.” Applications may be down, but given the state of the job market, more and more students are flocking to law schools without any desire to practice law, intending to pursue alternative career paths instead. [Wisconsin Bar]

* Former Berkeley Law Dean Sujit Choudhry returned to campus this semester after resigning from his post thanks to a sexual harassment lawsuit, but a letter he penned on the subject that was published in the school paper didn’t have the results he expected; instead, about 100 law students protested the professor’s presence on campus. [SFGate]

* The House of Representatives is scheduled to vote on the Investment Advisers Modernization Act of 2016 today, a bill that private equity firms hope will chip away at Dodd-Frank’s requirements on what information the industry must report to regulators. The White House has threatened a veto if it’s passed. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Can this group of general counsels from Fortune 100 companies save the legal profession from becoming a haven for old white men and turn it into a melting pot of opportunity across all demographics? That’s what they’re hoping to do by hiring and firing outside counsel based on their diversity. Best of luck! [Big Law Business]

* Subway’s “footlong” class-action suit is now before the Seventh Circuit, with Ted Frank of the Competitive Enterprise Institute arguing that the lawyers who settled the sandwich-size discrepancy gave themselves too much credit, calling them, along with the class representatives, “the only beneficiaries of the case.” Ouch. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Oh please, like you really care about any news other than the firms that have raised their salaries. Here’s the roster of movement news from yesterday: Keker Van Nest, Greenberg Gross, Willkie Farr, Gunderson Dettmer, Vinson & Elkins, Latham & Watkins, Clifford Chance, Sidley Austin, Munger Tolles, Proskauer Rose, O’Melveny & Myers, McKool Smith, and Fenwick & West. If you’re ever worried that you’ve missed any of our coverage, check out our omnibus 2016 salary page where we collect all of these stories. [2016 Salary Increase / Above the Law]

* Per Paul Weiss chairman Brad Karp, Biglaw firms are “operating in a period of unprecedented turbulence and instability.” He further cited the gap between elite firms and second-tier firms, warning that “[m]any firms have lost their footing.” Hmm, maybe that’s why some associates haven’t heard about their raises yet… [Big Law Business]

* In a 6-2 decision, SCOTUS ruled that Puerto Rico isn’t a separate sovereign for the purposes of double jeopardy in criminal prosecutions. Justice Elena Kagan, writing for the majority, noted that “the oldest roots of Puerto Rico’s power to prosecute lie in federal soil,” so its authority comes from Congress, not its citizens. [WSJ Law Blog]

* “I merely bade a bad decision, trying to be a good father.” An Alabama judge has held an attorney in contempt and fined him $4,000 for showing up so late to his client’s murder trial that he was forced to dismiss the jury. The attorney was late to court because he has to drop his daughter off at summer camp. [Monticello Live]

* Former Subway pitchman Jared Fogle, who was sentenced to nearly 16 years in prison for charges related to child pornography and sex with minors, had his sentence affirmed on appeal by the Seventh Circuit. He claimed that he’d been sentenced inappropriately for his crimes. Poor Jared will remain behind bars to get his footlongs. [USA Today]

* “I’d hope they’d see reason but I wouldn’t bet the family farm on it.” Senate Republicans may be stomping their feet about confirming one of President Obama’s Supreme Court nominees, but it may behoove them to do it now before Hillary Clinton takes office with a Democrat-controlled Senate. [Common Sense / New York Times]

* Sincere congratulations to Damaris Hernández, who recently achieved a seemingly impossible feat at her Bigfirm. The 36-year-old attorney is the first Latina to become a partner at Cravath Swaine & Moore. She joins the 46 other Hispanic women who are partners at just a few of America’s largest law firms. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Lawmakers from the Garden State have demanded that Gibson Dunn and digital forensics firm Stroz Friedberg repay $2.8 million in legal fees in the Bridgegate case, the bulk of which were e-discovery charges to the tune of $2.3 million. Welcome to the absurdity that is document review, New Jersey! [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]

* It looks like Apple isn’t the only tech company that’s dueling with the DOJ right now. Since “[t]he interest in secrecy does not last forever,” Twitter is mounting a First Amendment case against the Feds over its ability to publicly release data that allegedly contains details related to the government’s terrorism investigations. [WSJ Law Blog]

* The 10 customers who filed a class-action lawsuit against Subway over the sub shop’s less-than foot-long footlong sandwiches will only be able to afford 100 $5 footlongs each, because the lawyers on the case are walking away with $520,000 out of $525,000 settlement dollars — that’s 99 percent of the settlement. Fair? [Dayton Daily News]

Before the infamous Jared entered his guilty plea, a Chicago man uncovered the other big problem with Subway.

* Jared Fogle, Subway’s former spokesman, pleaded guilty to federal charges related to sex with minors and child pornography, and was sentenced to more than 15 years in prison. His creative defense? Losing weight on the Subway diet made him choose to erm… “eat fresh.” Yuck. [Washington Post]

* Biglaw firms have been announcing their new partnership classes over the past few weeks, and it goes without saying that the vast majority of new partners attended highly ranked law schools. Take a wild guess at which school was the most represented. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]

* Per the latest report from the NALP, women and African-Americans continue to falter in their career progress at Biglaw firms. James Leipold says it’s “troubling” that the numbers are “reversing course.” We couldn’t agree more. [DealBook / New York Times]

* UnitedHealth recently announced that it expects to suffer in terms of its insurance sales under the Affordable Care Act, and has gone so far as to threaten that it may pull out of the exchange. Here are five things you need to know about that. [WSJ Law Blog]

* One of the members of Survivor filed a copyright infringement suit against Mike Huckabee’s presidential campaign after the song “Eye of the Tiger” was played during a rally held for Kentucky clerk Kim Davis. Now it’s stuck in your head. Welcome! [Reuters]

* Arizona Summit Law wasn’t the only law school to post an embarrassing passage rate on the July 2015 administration of the bar exam. Only 28 percent of test-takers from this law school passed, but its dean says that the scores don’t “reflect a problem with the school’s quality.” Hey, whatever helps you get to sleep at night. [Tennessean]

* Speaking of bar passage rates, if you’re applying to law school, should you care about them? Job statistics are probably a more telling measurement when comparing schools, but then again, it’s harder to get a job when you can’t pass the bar exam. [U.S. News]

* “It’s a huge blow to his tenure as DA.” The mistrial in the criminal case against Dewey & LeBoeuf’s former executives is putting a major damper on what was supposed to be Manhattan DA Cy Vance’s crackdown on corporate crime. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg]

* Thanks to the Department of Education’s “gainful employment rule,” for-profit law schools could be in trouble when it comes to eligibility for federal student loans under the “debt-to-earnings” test. This certainly may put a crimp in Infilaw’s style. [Huffington Post]

* The vast majority of all class members in the Subway “footlong” lawsuit aren’t likely to see a dime. This is fine because they don’t need to see any “dough,” but a guarantee that the company’s next spokesperson won’t be a child predator would be nice. [WSJ Law Blog]

* This is a footlong you definitely don’t want (but it’s probably much more like a six-incher if he’s lucky). Former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle is expected to plead guilty to child-pornography charges. We can’t wait to see what his plea deal with authorities actually entails. [CNN]

* Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s lawyers filed a brief in favor of their client getting a new trial because his attack on the Boston Marathon apparently wasn’t a “crime of violence” within the meaning of the law he was sentenced under at trial. [WSJ Law Blog]

* “To achieve those solutions, wouldn’t it help if you had a free press?” Justice Ginsburg’s travels recently took her to Vietnam, where she spoke to a packed house about the country’s need for greater freedom of press to promote social justice. [Voice of America]

* Here’s a little-known fact about Biglaw: many of its most well-known partners were “White House rejects.” For example, Willkie Farr, Dewey & LeBoeuf, Bracewell & Giuliani, and Davis Polk are all named after failed presidential candidates. [Am Law Daily]

* A New Mexico criminal defense attorney charged with a slew of criminal offenses is representing himself in a trial having to do with his shooting of a man outside his office. His best defense thus far? The man was a “methed-out lunatic.” [Albuquerque Journal]

Court of Appeals upholds fundamental right to shout at the police.

Welcome to Above the Law's newest feature, a column devoted to especially clever or awful examples of legalese, fine print, disclaimers, disclosures, and the like.

* Gun nuts want to prevent THE PENTAGON from buying too many bullets. [Talking Points Memo]

* Subway employees can be held liable for not helping police officers. I’m a legal genius. [New York Law Journal]

* Employment lawyers get catty on their way out of the door. [Thomson Reuters News & Insight]

* Do top firms even have compliance departments? [Corporate Counsel]

* Colleges are cracking down on Adderall abuse. So… it only took administrators about a decade to figure out that was going on. [New York Times]

* Okay, now Obama is going to close Guantanamo. And by “close,” I think he means “finds other excuses to leave it open.” [SCOTUSblog]

* If you’ve been waiting for the definitive, Kashmir Hill, what in the hell is Catfishing article, here you go. [Not-So Private Parts / Forbes] * Let me just say that societies that fully utilize the talents of women have an inherent advantage over the ones that don’t. With one rules change, we now have twice as many potential combat soldiers. Glory. [Daily Beast] * A “Good Samaritan” gun owner defended a little boy from pit bulls by shooting at the dogs who were mauling the little boy. Look, as a dad, can I just say that if you see some pit bulls attacking my son, please help… by running at the pit bulls and saying, “Git, git away from that boy,” not by shooting a freaking hand cannon towards my child! [Cato @ Liberty / Cato Institute] * Okay, who has standing to sue for a violation of the 27th Amendment? Who? I want this to happen. Come on, constitutional scholars. Make it happen. Let’s see who really cares about “all” the amendments, not just the ones that allow people to shoot each other. [The Note / ABC News] * I mean we’re suing over sandwiches, aren’t we? [Legal Blog Watch] * Slow your roll, NAACP. I’m pretty sure that the 14th Amendment doesn’t protect the rights of black people to become diabetic with oversized sugary drinks. [Gawker]

* Steven Davis, D&L’s former chairman, really wants to make sure he’ll be able to use the firm’s insurance policy to defend himself, or else he’ll “suffer undue hardship.” Sorry, but after all the undue hardship you caused, nobody feels bad for you. [Am Law Daily]

* As it turns out, the Mitt “47 Percent” Romney recording may have been illegally taped, but Florida authorities aren’t investigating — a victim hasn’t come forward to complain. What, no “off the cuff” remarks this time, Mitt? [Washington Wire / Wall Street Journal]

* Even if you get disbarred, you can still go on to work for a Biglaw firm. In other news, apparently you can last about a month at Lewis Brisbois while using a stolen identity before you get fired. [Las Vegas Review-Journal]

* Arizona’s governor was really excited that the injunction against SB 1070′s “show me your papers” provision was lifted by Judge Susan Bolton. She won’t be as excited when all of the lawsuits start rolling in. [Bloomberg]

* It’s probably bad if your dean resigns before the school opens. J. Michael Johnson, the ex-dean of Louisiana College School of Law, left to take a “great job offer” (i.e., not a law school deanship). [Shreveport Times]

* Good news, ladies! A serial subway “grinder” in NYC avoided jail time after ejaculating on three women in separate incidents, and now city pols are trying to make it harder for perverts to get off. [New York Daily News]

Are Cravath associates now getting spring bonuses? What gives?

Longtime readers of Above the Law will remember Exley, a contestant for ATL Idol, during which Lat had the ludicrous idea of letting the readers chose ATL's next editor. Exley's got a new blog called Ying-A-Ling, where she wrote this gem of a story of how she used her Biglaw skills to handle a subway situation that we thought you would like....