As some of you have noticed, we tend not to remark negatively on the innate physical attributes of our Legal Eagle contestants. There are several reasons for our reticence, but the most basic one is simply this: LEWW believes that prestige is beautiful. LEWW believes that every bride can look gorgeous on her special day if she has the right law degree. LEWW believes that a JD from HLS is like a great bra; it looks flimsy and has a jaw-dropping price tag, but it will support you and make you look better than you deserve.
Having made much of our reluctance to comment disparagingly about our subjects’ appearance, we’ll promptly depart from our own custom and announce that this is Hotness Disparity Week on LEWW. All of our grooms are decent-looking but undeniably average Joes, and we submit to you that all of them have married up.
See if you agree with us. Here are the couples:
Click on the link below to read about these couples.
1. Uma Amuluru and John Theis
(Buy them a pistachio charger.)
- The bride and groom met during law school at Northwestern. Uma was cum laude at Duke; Jack graduated from Georgetown.
- Both are clerking on the Seventh Circuit — Uma for Judge Ann Claire Williams and Jack for Judge William J. Bauer.
- The groom is part of a proud lawyering family. His mother, Mary Jane Wendt, is a justice on the Illinois Appellate Court, and his father, John T. Theis, is a criminal defense lawyer.
The Case Against:
- See discussion of hotness disparity, supra. Also, there’s an ATL category called State Judges Are Clowns, and this is our chance to use it.
2. Dena Fayad and David Guggenheim
(Buy them a camera.)
- Dena is the legal half of this couple. She went to SMU and has a law degree from Duke, and she works in the Manhattan office of Reed Smith. If you’re sensing that nobody this attractive could possibly be a law firm associate, you’re entirely correct. If you are additionally sensing that she’s hot enough to be in marketing, pat yourself on the back!
- David graduated from NYU and looks like a hedge fund weenie. But his actual job is so much cooler: He peddles mind-crack as a senior editor at Us Weekly.
- She’s Muslim; he’s Jewish. Neither is very observant, and their parents are supportive. If only all religious tension was so easily resolved.
The Case Against:
- Okay, Dena’s not a practicing lawyer, and we picked her over some brides who are. But she’s gorgeous (our second hotness disparity), her husband works for a gossip magazine, and their wedding reception featured both belly dancing and the hora. LEWW is smitten.
3. Courtney Gregoire and Scott Lindsay
(Buy them a gravy stand.)
- We leave the delicious tawdriness of Team Fayad-Guggenheim and lurch back to tedious respectability with this double-JD pair. Courtney was magna at Willamette University and has a JD from HLS. Her groom was cum laude at Georgetown and went to Georgetown Law.
- Scott, a former “honors paralegal,” is now an associate at K&L Gates in Washington.
- Political angles abound. The wedding took place at the governor’s mansion in Olympia, Washington, which just so happens to be the bride’s family’s home. Her mother is Governor Christine O. Gregoire. Courtney, who is keeping her name, is the legislative director for Senator Maria Cantwell (D-WA). That’s a cozy arrangement, and one that makes you wonder which of Washington’s Democratic divas is spying on the other one.
The Case Against:
- Their eyebrow alignment is possibly the sloppiest we’ve seen. Those brows on a Republican governor’s daughter would get slapped down by the NYT faster than you can say “liberal media bias.” And again: hotness disparity.
Team Fayad-Guggenheim, we’re drawn to you the way we’re drawn to an Us Weekly in Hudson News. We flirt with that naughty, illicit periodical right up until it’s time to board the plane. And then, with a sigh, we put it down and buy The Economist, because our socioeconomic status demands it. So congratulations, Team Gregoire-Lindsay: You are The Economist of newlywed couples.