Breasts, Women's Issues

She Wore an Itsy, Bitsy, Teeny, Weenie, Third-Degree Bust Burn Bikini…

For women, summertime is full of difficult decisions: Which swimsuit should I buy? Which sandals should I wear? Do they match my swimsuit? Are my sunglasses too big? Are they making me look like a bug? How should I wear my hair? What time should I go lay out? How much sunscreen should I wear? Should I wear any at all? Ohmigod, my skin is orange… do I look like Snooki?

But for some women, these important decisions take a back seat to the ultimate goal of getting a tan. Some women are like honey badgers: They’re just crazy. They don’t care. They don’t give a sh*t. They just want to lay out in the sun, be it on the beach, beside the pool, or on a rusty old lounge chair in their backyard. Sunburns be damned, because they just want to catch some rays.

And this, my friends, is where the trouble allegedly started for Robin Corrente…

Corrente, of Yaphank, Long Island, decided that she wanted to go lay out in the sun in August 2008. The only problem was that she didn’t have a new swimsuit handy, so she opted for an old black Coco Reef bikini with underwire that she had shoved in the back of a drawer a while ago.

Demi Moore can rock a bikini.

First of all, I don’t even want to know how long ago Corrente tucked that bikini away, because she was 50 years old when she decided to wear it. As we now know, a woman’s right to wear a bikini expires at age 47, according to a survey conducted by More Magazine. What was Corrente thinking?

Now, I can understand someone like Demi Moore breaking out a bikini; she’s pushing 50, and she’s still hot. But your average middle-aged, menopausal woman from Yaphank, Long Island?

What was she doing wearing a bikini? Especially a bikini with underwire, which is for lifting and separating. Actually, it’s probably a good thing that Corrente opted for such support, because all things boobielicious tend to head south of the border after your 30s or 40s, if you know what I mean.

(And yes, I am allowed to comment on this woman’s taste in bikinis, because I have the good sense not to own one.)

But anyway, hot or not, apparently Corrente wore that bikini to her detriment that day:

“After about an hour, I was hurting,” Corrente said. “I went up to take a shower and I realized . . . I had a lot of blisters.”

A trip to the hospital confirmed she had serious burns, and doctors had to remove a piece of flesh “the size of a dime” from her right breast.

That’s right: Corrente soaked up so much sun that her bikini’s underwire allegedly set her breasts on roast, causing her third-degree burns. My question is: How exactly do you sit in the sun and not notice that your boobs are on fire? I’d like to think that I would notice if my grand tetons were aflame.

Corrente is now suing the manufacturer of her Coco Reef Fire Island swimsuit, Swimwear Anywhere, in New York Supreme Court.

I guess the solution to this problem is that women should just go topless in New York, to avoid burning the bejesus out of their bosoms — it is legal, after all. And it would certainly give men another reason to love summertime.

Sunbathing NY Woman Suffers Third-Degree Burns After Bikini Overheats [FOX DC]
‘Rack’ & ruin for bikini gal [New York Post]

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