As baseball fans are well-aware, the San Diego Padres don’t have a very good record. At 15 games below .500 this year, they’re the second-worst team in the National League West, the fourth-worst team in the National League, and the fifth-worst team in all of MLB right now. The Padres have only won the National League Pennant twice, but lost in the World Series both times. They’re the only team in MLB to never record a no-hitter. To be frank, the Padres suck.

Why anyone would want to apply for a job working with the Padres is simply beyond me. Why that same person, a law student at the time, would apply for a job with the Padres at least 30 times puts her in wackadoodle territory. But who am I to judge?

Anyway, eventually people get sick of receiving rejection letter after rejection letter after rejection letter — or in most cases, no rejection letter at all. These days, people don’t even have the courtesy to tell you to go f**k yourself. I’m sure recent law school graduates can commiserate.

But after applying and being summarily rejected for an extremely low-rent job with the Padres, this former law student had absolutely had it. She was mad as hell, and she wasn’t going to take it anymore. The result? Possibly the best email ever sent from a repeatedly rejected job seeker….

Deadspin reports that Taylor Grey Meyer had given up on her dream of getting a job with the Padres after being rejected for a minimum-wage position selling tickets at Petco Stadium. At the time, Meyer was a law student at California Western School of Law — an unranked school, or a stereotypical “fourth tier toilet” (as well as the alma mater of Stephen DiCarmine, former executive director of Dewey & LeBoeuf). Apparently the Padres job had been filled by “someone whose background and credentials” better met the team’s needs (i.e., most likely a college student looking for some extra weed money).

Meyer thought she’d never hear from the team again, but on Sunday, August 5, a manager in the team’s sales office emailed her to invite her to a job fair, the Sport Sales Combine, the cost of which to attend was $495. Needless to say, Meyer considered this invitation to be a slap in the face. Meyer had dropped out of law school in July, she didn’t have any money, and she had been sleeping on a friend’s couch ever since.

(By the way, apparently Meyer dropped out because “the loans simply weren’t enough to live on.” To that, I say, on what planet? Cal Western is the law school that graduates students with the heaviest debt loads in the country. You should’ve done your extravagant shoe shopping at T.J. Maxx, girl.)

Here’s what Meyer had to say in response to what she considered to be an offensive offer from the Padres:

Taylor Meyer

On Sun, Aug 5, 2012 at 11:56 AM, Taylor Grey Meyer wrote

Hi [Redacted],

I wanted to thank you for reaching out to me when thinking of ways to meet your quota for the Sports Sales Combine.

After careful review I must decline. I realize I may be burning a bridge here, but in the spirit of reciprocity, I would like to extend you a counter-offer to suck my dick. Clearly, I don’t have one of these, so my offer makes about as much sense as yours. But for the price you’re charging to attend the event, I’m sure I would have no problem borrowing one.

Managers like you have found this to be the most authentic training available. Real, hands-on experience getting you on your way to perfecting the techniques you will need to climb the corporate ladder. In these tough economic times, it’s always good to widen your skill set.

Let’s talk about why I wasn’t a good fit with your organization. Was it my extensive education that made me less of a fit, that now paying $500 will allow me to overcome? My graduate work in sports commerce? Being a law student, working toward becoming an agent? Was it my past experience overseeing the execution of national and international events? Wait, I know, maybe it was my previous internship with Major League Soccer, and that I actually got my “start” in professional sports at the age of 15 when I volunteered at a minor league ballpark in my hometown. And given all that, I chose to apply with the Padres, at least 30 times since moving to San Diego. Persevering through countless anonymous email rejections, I continued to submit my resume despite never even being granted the courtesy of a face-to-face interview. All for the joy of making $30K a year. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m not the best fit for your company. But here’s a nice fit, my foot in your ass.

All the best,

Taylor

Suck my non-existent dick is quite possibly the best counter-offer ever proposed.

Meyer’s email has gone viral, and people from pro-sports sales teams have sent her note after note. Some want to offer her a job, some want to tell her how stupid she is. Either way, Meyer has definitely made a name for herself in the industry. At the end of the day, maybe Meyer will finally be able to admit how much the Padres suck — even if the team is unwilling to swallow.

Maybe if recent law grads were willing to send out fiery emails like this, they’d have job offers rolling in too! Or maybe they’d be doomed to work at Pizza Hut for the rest of their lives. We’ll place our bets on the latter.

“I Would Like To Extend You A Counter-Offer To Suck My Dick”: A Rejected Jobseeker Sends The Padres The Best Letter Ever [Deadspin]
10 Law Schools That Lead to the Most Debt [The Short List / U.S. News & World Report]

Earlier: Should You Drop Out of Law School? An ATL Debate


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