It’s a tale as old as time, and perhaps — if you were desperate enough — you’ve even experienced it yourself.

A young man wanders the streets of New York City, with dreams of some day becoming a star. He waits tables and does various odd jobs to pay the bills, all the while yearning for his chance in the limelight. He lands a few soap opera and commercial roles, but in the grand scheme of things, he isn’t very successful in his theatrical endeavors. He can’t land any good parts, and in the end, he’s forced to make a decision: will he put his manhood to the test and turn to acting in adult films, or will he go to law school?

Yup. Porn or law school. Thankfully, the legal profession is such that you can do both. Or, at least it was in the 1970s. The wannabe film star that we’re referencing decided to do both, but at least he had the good sense to tend to his porn career first, and then head off to law school. And in the end, he had a very successful practice — both in terms of showing his “O” face to the world, and climbing the ladder of legal stardom to the ranks of county district attorney in upstate New York.

But until recently, his adoring public was unaware that DA also stood for Dick Adjudicator….

Meet Mark Suben, District Attorney for Cortland County, New York. Suben is a 1982 graduate of Fordham Law School, and was reelected to his high-ranking position just two weeks ago. Not only was he an associate editor on the law review (where he was published, ooh la la!), but he also starred in prestigious films like Voices of Desire, Bedroom Bedlam, and Deep Throat Part II under the pseudonym Gus Thomas, which may be the worst porn name ever invented. He definitely loses creativity points there.

Until last week, Suben denied he’d ever appeared in films like these — he wanted to win his second bid for DA. Well, actually, he denied his involvement until this 15-minute video appeared on YouTube (warning: edited XXX videos begin at 9:10 and end at 12:49; prepare for some grunting, moaning, and pixelated privates):

So what did the 69-year-old — hehehe, yeah, he’s 69, Beavis — have to say about all of this? He called a press conference to discuss his controversial film history. NBC New York has a nice summary:

Mark D. Suben

“Recently materials have been circulated alleging that I was involved in the adult film industry about 40 years ago in New York. Those allegations are true,” he said. “I was an actor in adult films for a short period in the early 70s. I was also an actor in other venues including off Broadway, soap operas and commercial advertisements.”

He apologized for his actions and said he used “bad judgment” by acting in porn and by lying about it. He wouldn’t take questions, including whether he should resign.

According to the Associated Press, Suben’s spokeswoman, Aimee Milks (now that’s a great porn name), believes that her superior’s porny past is is “irrelevant,” since he wasn’t a law student or practicing law at the time the filming took place. It’s downright surprising that Ms. Milks didn’t defend Suben’s choice to maintain his sweet, sweet porno ‘stache for all of these years.

Milks may be right about the irrelevancy of his adult film endeavors, but Suben’s ethics have been called into question, if only because he lied about the whole affair in the first place. If he would’ve come clean about his past in the first place, this wouldn’t have resulted in such a scandal. Sure, he probably wouldn’t have been reelected, but people wouldn’t be calling him a liar right now, either.

Perhaps Suben will resign, perhaps he won’t, but in the event he’s forced out of public office, he might have a great opportunity to star in additional porn flicks in his new role as a prosecutor. Because if you appreciated his work while he was plumbing women’s drains as a handyman in the 70s, imagine what he’ll be like when he thrusts his sexy sentencing guidelines upon women in Deep Throat Part III: The District Attorney Days.

Was the Cortland County District Attorney a 70’s porn star? [CNY Central]
For Cortland DA, a 40-year secret emerges about his adult-film past [Post-Standard]
NY prosecutor admits he acted in 1970s porn films [Big Story / Associated Press]
NY Prosecutor Admits He Acted in 1970s Porn Films [NBC New York]
Cortland County District Attorney Marc Suben: Yeah, Actually, I Used To Be A Porn Star [New York Daily News]


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