Sydney Leathers, an aspiring paralegal and one of the women behind the downfall of Anthony Weiner (part deux), recently published a guide on how to seduce politicians. Her tried and true methods seem to have worked well for her — not only was she able to sustain the would-be mayor’s sexual urges via text messaging, but she also raked in thousands of dollars from other sugar daddies. To put it plainly, this girl is a pro.
We decided to take a cue from her by creating our own guidebook on how to seduce lawyers. Just follow these five easy tips, and you’ll have him wrapped around your little finger…
1. Act like you’re impressed by his status and wealth.
Lawyers, especially the ones working at Biglaw firms, are incredibly wrapped up in their money, power, and prestige, be it real or perceived. While those in the outside world wouldn’t typically salivate over someone’s degree from a T14 law school or employment at a V10 firm, to capture a lawyer’s full attention, focus on the fact that you find his work ethic sexy. Tell him it turns you on because you know that he’s willing to put in hard work to get what he wants — in the courtroom and in the bedroom.
2. Be prepared to mix sexiness with nerdiness.
Remember Cammy Knight? She’s the girl who rocked the legal world when she took to the Cornell Law Library to pleasure herself, all while filming it for a live audience. As if she knew the stuff of a lawyer’s wildest dreams, she took her clothes off and surrounded herself with treatises and casebooks. You, too, can make a lawyer lust after you by using the same kind of high/low mix. Ask him if he’s like Justice Potter Stewart, then send him a not-safe-for-work photo of yourself. You’ll have him hooked.
3. Be as elusive as spring bonuses.
Ah, spring bonuses. Everyone is always pining for them, and just when you think you’ve caught a glimpse of them, they disappear. But oh, do you still want them and wish you had them to hold close. If you’re sure that a lawyer is really into you, wait a little while before you respond to his messages. He’s probably used to getting the things he wants on his schedule, and on his timeline. Don’t give in to him — not yet at least. Make him wait, and he’ll want you even more.
4. If he’s an associate, let him dominate you. If he’s a partner, dominate him.
Associates are used to living at the whims of partners, while partners are used to associates catering to their every wish, want, and desire. Switch things up and do a little role reversal. If the object of your affections is an associate, make him feel like he’s in charge. Let him tell you what he wants to do to you, and then let him do it. If it’s a partner who you’re after, make it known that you’re the one who will be in charge at your next encounter, not him. It’ll be an unexpected change of pace, and he’ll love it.
5. Lawyers CHECK THEY EMAILS OFTEN [sic], so make it worth his while.
Inspired by Quinn Emanuel, lawyers have to C.B.A. — check BlackBerry always. Ninety-five percent of the emails that lawyers receive in a given day will be terribly boring. Surprise him with a sexy picture every so often, and you’ll drive him wild with anticipation. Protip: Just make sure you don’t send it to his work email address, since his firm may be monitoring it closely.
Follow these simple instructions, and you’ll be well on your way to seducing the lawyer of your dreams. Do you have any other tips or tricks that you know will work? Let us know what you think!