Drugs

* 5 reasons why Northwestern football won’t really unionize. [The Legal Blitz]

* Law grad who failed the bar arrested for claiming to be a lawyer. So much for Jimmy Malone’s advice… [Albany Times Union]

* This morning we wrote about a lawyer turned babysitter. Jane Genova has some thoughts on how this story can have a happy ending. [Law and More]

* This is why you don’t get tattoos. [The Independent]

* Sitting judge should be on “high” court — listed as president of three different pot-related businesses. [Las Vegas Law Blog]

* The Second Circuit is not pleased with the secrecy of the Obama administration. [The New Republic]

* Corporette launches a new motherhood newsletter. She’s looking for guest bloggers too if you’re passionate about these issues. [Corporette]

* Another argument for killing law school. [The Week]

* Kash Hill looks at a Loyola Law grad who hunts down revenge porn sites. [Forbes]

* Lorne Michaels has a new courtroom comedy webseries starring Bob Balaban. The first episode is embedded below….

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* There’s a 5-4 Supreme Court lineup you don’t see too often. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* The Supreme Court is about to hear two cases on cellphone searches that would ring true with the Founders. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

* Who watches the watchmen? It turns out nobody. This’ll end well. [Reuters]

* A “Real Housewife” is apparently no longer so much a wife. She’s dating a “hot shot” NYC lawyer. [Daily Mail]

* Affirmative action took another hit yesterday. But Professor Brian Fitzpatrick examines whether or not race-neutral affirmative action was really ever working anyway. [SSRN]

* Extensive drug bust announced by publicity-hound D.A. uncovers… well, not all that much. [Slate]

* Mistrial declared after defendant shot in the chest in front of the jury. Judge, remarkably, phrases it like it wasn’t a foregone conclusion. Unfortunately, a few minutes ago the FBI confirmed that the defendant has died of his wounds. [USA Today]

* Here are some signs you were meant to be a lawyer. They’re actually not all that great. Probably should have included: “You padded your hours when your mom asked how much time you’ve spent on your homework” or “You introduced your little brother as your associate… and your pets as paralegals.” [Survive Law]

* 21 Jump Fail. Cops embed a 20-something officer in a high school to pester special-needs kid into selling drugs. Judge is not amused. He probably saw the Channing Tatum/Jonah Hill version. [Rolling Stone]

* Prosecutors told a guy to let a newspaper write about his drunk driving case as part of the plea deal. They’re really trying anything to save print media aren’t they? [Jim Romensesko]

* If you went to law school in New York, then the job market’s a little better for you this year. Sorry, rest of the country. [Adjunct Law Prof Blog]

* Congratulations to Paul Lo, who became the first Hmong judge in U.S. [Merced Sun Star]

* The Aereo case going before the Supreme Court in one helpful video after the jump… [Bloomberg News]

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Monica Marie Jenkins

I’m not worried anymore; give me some cocaine.

– Los Angeles County public defender Monica Marie Jenkins, in a statement allegedly made to police officers shortly after she was arrested on drunk-in-public, assault, and battery charges at the San Francisco International Airport. Jenkins was not permitted to board a flight due to her drunken state, and as police attempted to escort her from the gate, she allegedly began to kick at them and scream profanities, threatening to sue them. Soon after she arrived at San Mateo County Jail, she allegedly tried to bite a nurse. Jenkins pleaded not guilty to the charges.

* A Minnesota court ruled that it is not a crime to encourage people to commit suicide. So… keep commenting assholes, just know that you’ll feel really bad if I do it. [Gawker]

* I might be in the market for a used car, and I’m hoping to get a really good deal on one of these “recalled” GMs. I hope the DOJ doesn’t screw up my plans. [Reuters Legal]

* Speaking of cars, Alan Dershowitz calls for vigorous prosecution of reckless drivers. I call for vigorous prosecution of any box-blocking suburbanite who drives around Manhattan on a Saturday like they’re cruising to the country fair. [ABA Journal]

* Alabama thinks that people over 70 should be excused from jury duty. YES, they deserve to be excused and I hope they burn in Hell! [WSJ Law Blog]

* Narc is the new tattletale. [Simple Justice]

* Are you an IP lawyer, especially a patent litigator? Here’s a symposium you should consider attending (featuring ATL columnist Gaston Kroub). [Markman Advisors]

* Speaking of conferences, who wants to hang out with Lat in Las Vegas? Read on for details (plus video)….

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Sadly, lawyers are a group vulnerable to succumbing to addictions.  In fact, according to one study, while 10% of the general population suffers from alcohol addiction, this number increases to 20% among lawyers.  That’s right: one in five lawyers are alcoholics.  At this point, you may be starting to wonder who in your firm proves this statistic.  I would advise against this game, however.  Although it may seem mildly entertaining at first, you’ll quickly realize that it’s actually pretty sick.  This is because, of course, the statistic is true.

I remember being warned about the problem of substance abuse in the legal profession during the first week of 1L orientation when we watched a video about addicted attorneys. Unfortunately, this movie — which followed high functioning alcoholics and a woman with a shopping problem — failed to have its intended effect.  That is, instead of scaring me away from drugs and alcohol, the film left me with the misguided impression that being a lawyer is easy.  After all, if those people could practice law when they were completely wasted, doing it sober must be a breeze.

Notwithstanding my experience during 1L orientation, I do realize that drug and alcohol abuse is a serious issue in our profession, and not one to be taken lightly.  If you or anyone you know has dealt with an addiction, you know how hard it can be. The question is, why are lawyers at such a high risk?

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I don’t do politics in this column.

For two good reasons: First, Lat asked me to write about life as an in-house lawyer or, at a minimum, an in-house lawyer’s perception of outside firms. If I wrote about politics, I’d be way off the mark. Second, I work at the world’s leading insurance broker for law firms. If I wrote about politics — no matter which side I took — I’d offend half my readers. Some of those offended readers would complain to their brokers, and I’d soon have a phalanx of brokers with pitchforks storming my office door.

But I’m throwing caution (and Lat’s instructions about topicality) to the wind today, and I’m posing a question that struck me recently: Set your mind back to 1983, the year in which I graduated from law school. Suppose, in 1983, someone posed this question to you:

Look into the future. When will each of these events occur? (1) We’ll elect an African-American President of the United States; (2) states will begin legalizing gay marriage; and (3) states will begin legalizing the use of marijuana. Which will occur first, second, and third, and in what years?

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This passes for flying for this penguin, kind of like these test takers pass as good news for law deans.

For the first time since 2010, the year-over-year number of test takers for an administration of the LSAT has held steady. There were slightly more people who took the February LSAT this year than last year.

The worst is over, law deans! I’ll pause so you can hug and cry and feel good about taking your yachts out of dry-dock this season…

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Last week, we asked readers to submit possible captions for this picture:

On Wednesday, you voted on the finalists, and now it’s time to announce the winner of our contest…

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Earlier this week, we asked readers to submit possible captions for this picture:

Let’s have a look at what our readers came up with, and vote on the finalists…

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