Florida

* How bad is the job market? Wisconsin Law grad seeks unpaid position pushing a cart. [New York Daily News]

* Effortless Senate filibusters are really lame. And have been for a really long time. [Volokh Conspiracy]

* There’s a middle ground between “telling your significant other the whole truth” and “faking your own kidnapping.” [Lowering the Bar]

* Professor Gerard Magliocca notes that 3D printers (demonstration here) will strike a blow for privacy by allowing people to make objects in their home that they’d be embarrassed to buy in a store. He’s talking about dildos, people. [Concurring Opinions]

* The tax liability for Superman crushing coal into diamonds. [Law and the Multiverse]

* “95 percent of sushi restaurants surveyed sold mislabeled seafood.” Yeah. That’s why I don’t eat sushi. [Consumer Advertising Law Blog]

* It’s Spring Break! Meaning crazy mass arrests in Florida! One mass arrest featured on the local news got me chuckling. So much to enjoy in this report — the bizarre decision to ankle-cuff kids for underage drinking, the reporter inexplicably waving a bottle of Captain Morgan into the camera, and of course, an arrested kid yelling, “Roll Tide!” The full video of the news report after the jump. [WJHG]

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* Recently ousted Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown has a new law firm. Apparently not everyone’s a winner at Nixon Peabody these days. [Political Intelligence / Boston Globe]

* So, and maybe I’m reading too much into this story, I think this guy likes cocaine. [The Pulp / Broward Palm Beach Times]

* If you’re at NYU, the Law Review has been holding out on you with a private stockpile of outlines. Prometheus brings them to the masses. I don’t know why this person chose a terrible movie for a pseudonym. [PrometheusNYU] UPDATE: We crashed that link…here’s the new one.

* If you’re doing your taxes in Minnesota, you’d better be using H&R Block, because the authorities have warned taxpayers not to use TurboTax. [Tax Prof Blog]

* Burglar foiled by “supernatural figure.” [Legal Juice]

* Judge Dolores Sloviter, the former Chief Judge of the Third Circuit, announced that she’s taking senior status. That should lighten the load on her law clerks… [Legal Intelligencer]

* Earlier today, Staci was on HuffPo Live talking about the plight of recent law school graduates. Video after the jump….

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Thomas Edwards

Under the American criminal justice system all individuals are presumed innocent until proven guilty.

Thomas L. Edwards, a Florida lawyer who handles DUI defense, offering comment on his recent legal wranglings. Edwards was criminally charged this weekend in an alleged drunken hit-and-run accident, and a banner ad for his law firm appeared on the same page as his mug shot.

* Darren Heitner writes about the new business of concussions in the NFL. Safety equipment manufacturers are working overtime to shield themselves from future litigation because, you know, there’s not much that can be done when you’re still intent on running the human head into another hard, moving object at full speed. [Forbes]

* Welcome to Salem 2.0. This time it’s Salem, Missouri that tried to protect us from witchcraft by blocking Internet access to information about Wicca. A federal judge struck this down. Then hopped on a broom and skyrocketed away. [KDSK]

* A Florida woman pulled a gun on Walmart employees who wouldn’t honor her $1 coupon. It’s Florida, so she had to stand her ground on that sh*t. [Lowering the Bar]

* A 12-year-old boy got stoned and led police on a car chase. Live fast and die young, my friend. [Legal Juice]

* More on Lindsay Lohan: After her lawyer, Mark Heller, got blasted as incompetent by the media (including us) and the judge in the case, Lindsay says she’s sticking with him. Because she’s shown a canny understanding of legal practice so far. [TMZ]

* #Filiblizzard! That’s the Twitter hashtag that Senator Rand Paul coined to describe the confluence of a major D.C. snowstorm and Paul’s unabashed filibustering of the nominee to head the CIA. At the same time, there is another filibuster of Caitlin Halligan’s nomination to the D.C. Circuit. Remember when Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell hammered out a deal that would end the excessive filibusters? No. You don’t. Because that was just your Absinthe-fueled hallucination. [PrawfsBlawg]

* Former Justice Sandra Day O’Connor was on the Daily Show. She didn’t seem to understand that Shelby County was about Section 5. [Election Law Blog]

Full video after the jump….

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There are two schools of thought on drafting a benchslap. One method involves laying out the most egregious behavior of the target right up front to set the tone for the scathing punishment to follow. The other, subtler method involves slow-playing the transgressions in a glorious crescendo of suspect conduct.

Senior Judge Victor Musleh of the 5th Judicial Circuit in Lake County, Florida ascribes to the latter school. When his February 28th order in Wells Fargo v. Granger hit the ATL tips inbox, I thought it was a mild story. But this page-turner of an order raised the stakes with each paragraph….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Slow-Played Benchslap Order Just Keeps Getting Better”

Earlier this month, we talked about “Punk Defendant” Penelope Soto. Soto was charged with possession of Xanax, and during her arraignment she gave the judge the finger.

Judge Jorge Rodriguez-Chomat cited her for contempt and sentenced her to 30 days in jail.

Soto has cleaned up her act, got her contempt sentence dropped, and appeared in court earlier this week, where she was complimented by a different judge.

And I’ve got to admit, I feel bad about calling her a “punk” in the first place. I now think that she was high during her initial, profane court appearance, and they should have dried her out before sending her up before the judge….

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A few weeks ago, a young woman named Penelope Soto became an internet legend after she was caught on camera flipping a Florida judge the bird and telling him to go f**k himself during a court proceeding. Soto’s behavior earned her a 30-day stint in jail for contempt of court, but she apparently changed her ways at a later hearing and convinced the judge to vacate the month-long sentence.

But not all mouthy defendants are so lucky. Some of them do go to jail. Take, for example, the case of Brian Noval, a Florida man who in 2009 called a judge a c*ck — twice. Why do all of these things happen in Florida? Anyway, Noval’s antics were captured on film, and he earned himself 120 days in the pokey for his indiscretions. Noval only served four days of that sentence before the judge decided that this cocky defendant had learned his lesson.

As we all know, the internet is for porn, but it’s also for wonderful videos like these. And thanks to Daniel Tosh of Comedy Central’s Tosh.0, sometimes the stars of embarrassing viral videos are given the chance to redeem themselves on cable television. Ms. Soto hasn’t been given the opportunity to participate in one of these yet, but Noval was featured on the show last night.

For reasons that escape me, we never covered Noval’s incident in 2009, but now that he’s been brought back into the pop culture limelight, we’ve got some funny videos to entertain you with….

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Some say that models and bottles should be included in a lawyer’s employment benefits package, but failing that, VIP treatment at the local strip club comes in a close second. You just have to make sure you’re getting these perks on the down low, or else you might find yourself in the unemployment line.

That said, if you’re interested in potentially having to fish dollar bills out of your g-string as an alternative career due to your sudden joblessness, then perhaps you should consult with Ari Pregen, an assistant state attorney from Florida. Well, actually, that was his job before he got fired.

You see, when you walk into a strip club and expect to be treated like a king just because you’re a lawyer, you’re going to get yourself into some trouble when your superiors find out about it….

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While working as a contributor to this publication, I wrote about Florida’s decision to put up a couple grand to see if they could coax a ton of folks into the swamp to kill invasive Burmese Pythons ($1500 for killing the most, and $1000 for killing the biggest). To recap, Floridian snake lovers bought non-native Burmese Pythons over the course of several years and then lost or willfully set them loose in the wild, where they proceeded to breed like rabbits… if rabbits were capable of pumping out 80 offspring at once.

And now the contest is over. So how did it go? Well, experts estimate there are about 150,000 Burmese Pythons in the Florida swamps, 1,567 people applied to take part in the hunt, and over the last month, they managed to kill….

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Lateral Link has a fantastic, unique, and VERY RARE opportunity for a CEO position with one of the country’s largest real estate companies.

This position requires Hebrew fluency (or near fluency) and extensive experience in real estate management, finance, and sales and acquisitions, as well as previous corporate management experience. If you have 5+ years experience in the real estate fields described above, Hebrew fluency, and corporate management experience, this job could be for you.

Position: Chief Executive Officer (CEO)

Location: South Florida

Description: Leading real estate company is looking for a Chief Executive Officer with 5+ years of sophisticated real estate experience, including management of large scale residential properties, real estate finance, and real estate sales and acquisitions. This position requires Hebrew fluency (or near fluency) and previous corporate management experience.

Legal experience is very helpful but not required.

If you are a Lateral Link member, please see position #14993 on the Lateral Link site. If you are not a Lateral Link member, you can sign up for free at www.laterallink.com. If you are interested in this position or any other of our great positions in Florida, Atlanta or other parts of the Southeast, please contact Scott Hodes directly at shodes@laterallink.com.

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