Florida

Florida Prosecutor Who Used Badge For Strip Club Perks Is Stripped Of His Job

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Some say that models and bottles should be included in a lawyer’s employment benefits package, but failing that, VIP treatment at the local strip club comes in a close second. You just have to make sure you’re getting these perks on the down low, or else you might find yourself in the unemployment line.

That said, if you’re interested in potentially having to fish dollar bills out of your g-string as an alternative career due to your sudden joblessness, then perhaps you should consult with Ari Pregen, an assistant state attorney from Florida. Well, actually, that was his job before he got fired.

You see, when you walk into a strip club and expect to be treated like a king just because you’re a lawyer, you’re going to get yourself into some trouble when your superiors find out about it….

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Florida: I’m STILL Tired of These Motherf**kin’ Snakes in This Motherf**kin’ State

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While working as a contributor to this publication, I wrote about Florida’s decision to put up a couple grand to see if they could coax a ton of folks into the swamp to kill invasive Burmese Pythons ($1500 for killing the most, and $1000 for killing the biggest). To recap, Floridian snake lovers bought non-native Burmese Pythons over the course of several years and then lost or willfully set them loose in the wild, where they proceeded to breed like rabbits… if rabbits were capable of pumping out 80 offspring at once.

And now the contest is over. So how did it go? Well, experts estimate there are about 150,000 Burmese Pythons in the Florida swamps, 1,567 people applied to take part in the hunt, and over the last month, they managed to kill….

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Job of the Week: Say Shalom to a Very Unique Real Estate Position in South Florida

By Above the Law

Lateral Link has a fantastic, unique, and VERY RARE opportunity for a CEO position with one of the country’s largest real estate companies.

This position requires Hebrew fluency (or near fluency) and extensive experience in real estate management, finance, and sales and acquisitions, as well as previous corporate management experience. If you have 5+ years experience in the real estate fields described above, Hebrew fluency, and corporate management experience, this job could be for you.

Position: Chief Executive Officer (CEO)

Location: South Florida

Description: Leading real estate company is looking for a Chief Executive Officer with 5+ years of sophisticated real estate experience, including management of large scale residential properties, real estate finance, and real estate sales and acquisitions. This position requires Hebrew fluency (or near fluency) and previous corporate management experience.

Legal experience is very helpful but not required.

If you are a Lateral Link member, please see position #14993 on the Lateral Link site. If you are not a Lateral Link member, you can sign up for free at www.laterallink.com. If you are interested in this position or any other of our great positions in Florida, Atlanta or other parts of the Southeast, please contact Scott Hodes directly at shodes@laterallink.com.

Florida Space Coast School of Law: Not An Onion Headline

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The Challenger looked pretty good when it launched.

Houston, we have a problem.

We’ve mentioned the new proposed law school in the Daytona Beach area before, but I don’t think we’ve devoted a whole post to this project. Florida already has 12 freaking law schools. Twelve. Can we really pretend that one more is going to significantly change the comically (or tragically) over-saturated legal market in one of the states hardest hit by the housing market collapse?

Plus, it’s Florida… since when do people down there listen to reason? They can’t run an election. They’re unleashing their rednecks to battle their snake problem. I just don’t think anybody cares if they further damage their legal economy or take advantage of additional dumbasses who don’t know any better.

I really wasn’t going to write another full thing about it. And then, this morning, I learned that they intend to call the thing “Florida Space Coast School of Law.”

I mean… what can men do against such reckless hate?

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Morning Docket: 01.25.13

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* Lanny Breuer’s resignation from his post as the assistant attorney general for the Criminal Division of the Department of Justice is neither fast nor furious enough for his critics. [Blog of Legal Times]

* “I don’t reimburse for taxi and car services around Manhattan.” Judge Martin Glenn is none too pleased with costly expenses billed to the Dewey & LeBoeuf bankruptcy estate by Togut, Segal & Segal, and he’s started slashing fees left and right. [Am Law Daily]

* The Florida Space Coast School of Law? This totally necessary school has a name that no one will ever be able to make fun of. Please let there be an equally necessary space law concentration. [Daytona Times]

* “Being rude is not illegal,” but thanks to The Dirty, it might have some damning consequences for CDA § 230. Maybe it’s a good thing the jurors in this sexy teacher’s defamation case were deadlocked last night. [KY Post]

* Julie Taymor settled her suit against the producers of Broadway’s musical adaptation of Spider-Man. It turns out all the judge had to do was schedule a trial date to get the parties to turn off the dark litigation. [Bloomberg]

* Here’s an example of legal Kaepernicking: the NFL got to flex its muscles when it strong-armed a football fan into abandoning his trademarks on “Harbowl” and “Harbaugh Bowl” in anticipation of the Super Bowl. [ESPN]

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The Five-Second Rule Does Not Apply To Vajayjays

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Now imagine this device being about as clean as a Wendy’s bathroom.

Take a moment to get all the “that’s what she said” jokes out of your system. Ready? Awesome.

Comes now a whistleblower suit in Florida (of course) accusing a medical testing firm of failing to clean transvaginal probes between each use. The whistleblower, Dennis Vaccato, alleges that his former employer Diagnostic Professionals, Inc., dismissed him in retaliation for complaining about the company’s sanitation procedures.

In a nutshell, the lawsuit argues that you can’t just blow on the end of a probe and call it good before inserting it all up in a woman’s business. Good to know.

More details, after the jump…

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Non-Sequiturs: 01.11.13

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Housewife: best job ever?

* Go to BuzzFeed to see pictures of cute animals, or go to BuzzFeed to see some quality journalism — like Chris Geidner’s profile of Edith Windsor, plaintiff in one of the landmark gay-marriage cases before the Supreme Court. [BuzzFeed]

* “A python is fairly dangerous. There’s definitely a turn-on about hunting something carnivorous that could, in theory, eat you,” says the NYU law student heading to Florida to hunt pythons for prize money. [Bloomberg]

* Looking for work? It’s time to head south, before everyone else does. Word is starting to get out about Texas, which boasts a low cost of living, no state income tax, and jobs — yes, actual freaking jobs. [Instapundit]

* But there’s no shortage of jobs in the housewife sector. If that’s what you want to do, then be fruitful, multiply, and remove your résumé from consideration at the jobs you’ve unwillingly applied to. [The Careerist]

* Although a reference from this century would’ve been appreciated, both Lat and Elie agree that I’m pretty damn great at “mak[ing] everything be okay.” Where’s a cute hat to toss when you need one? [Law and More]

* Lat sometimes dabbles in Biglaw predictions (despite the risks of being wrong). If you’re interested in seeing more, watch him in this interview with Lee Pacchia of Bloomberg Law….

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Caption Contest Winner: You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

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Just before Christmas, we asked readers to submit possible captions for this photo:

As the new year approached, you voted on the finalists, and now it’s time to announce the contest’s winner….

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Florida: I’m Tired of These Motherf**kin’ Snakes In This Motherf**kin’ State

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This is why Indiana Jones never looked for the Fountain of Youth in the Everglades.

How much would you need to be paid to go into the swamp to hunt snakes?

Florida, the national leader in providing reasons why America can’t have nice things, has a bit of a snake problem. For years, Floridians have imported exotic snakes, including giant Burmese Pythons, and then released them into the wild when they got too big for the aquarium.

Seriously, when a massive snake indigenous to an environment half-a-world away becomes too troublesome or dangerous to take care of, many, many people just drop it off on the street.

Unfortunately, these new state citizens take their newfound freedom and pump out over 80 eggs at a time, growing to 17-feet long and eating deer whole.

Congress has proven incapable of forging a solution to the problem, but Florida has got this figured out: Pay rednecks to go after the snakes with machetes!

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Non-Sequiturs: 12.19.12

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* So now, officially, more people have lost their jobs over Benghazi than lost their jobs over 9/11. [New York Times]

* Could we sue the NRA out of existence? [Dissident Voice]

* Nate Silver makes it clear that gun ownership is a great indication of party affiliation. Guess the liberals would get their asses handed to them in a civil war. [Five Thirty Eight / New York Times]

* Should it be harder for a teenager to get his hands on a video game with lots of guns in it, or AN ACTUAL FREAKING GUN? [Huffington Post]

* “Fun” law bloggers interview each other, for fun. [Allison Leotta]

* Wait, McDonald’s restaurants in Europe have waitresses? [Telegraph]

* Former Governor of Florida slams current Governor of Florida while nation wonders why Florida is always such a train wreck. [Blog of the Legal Times]

* Bank robbers hail getaway cab. [Chicago Tribune]

* Look, the quote of the year is Megyn Kelly’s, “Is this just math that you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better?” But here are some other fun ones from 2012. [The Careerist]

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