Holidays and Seasons

For the past two weeks, readers of this column have benefited from the insights of Professor William (Bill) Henderson of Indiana University’s Maurer School of Law regarding the current state of Biglaw. When Professor Henderson kindly acceded to being interviewed, he made a request that was both unexpected and welcome: he asked that I commit to answering a number of his questions in return.

I agreed and am pleased to present our exchange. I found his questions probing, and I have tried to answer them from a broad perspective, despite the fact that they call for some personal viewpoints that are by their nature unique to my outlook and experiences. I have answered the questions in the order presented, and have not altered them in any way. Now, I get my turn in the interviewee’s chair….

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* Hughes Hubbard & Reed is doing its part to help fulfill wishes made in children’s letters to Santa at a time when the Post Office’s Operation Santa program is in desperate need. So to all you other Biglaw firms, the ball’s in your court. [USA Today]

* Judge Timothy Black cited Justice Scalia’s dissent to reject Ohio’s gay marriage ban. I’m sure this is a cite that warms the justice’s heart. [Associated Press]

* Professor Pam Karlan is off to become Deputy Assistant Attorney General for Voting Rights. Here’s the last article of the preeminent voting rights expert in her old role as a commentator at the Boston Review describing strange SCOTUS bedfellows. Good luck in the new job! [Boston Review]

* Good news for Florida lawyers! The Florida Bar has revoked its opinion banning LinkedIn endorsements and recommendations. Go back to patting each other on the digital back. [IT-Lex]

* Realtors are getting sued for using a home as a sex pad. Strangely enough, this isn’t even the first time we’ve talked about this at Above the Law. [New York Magazine]

* Do you have to work over vacation? Probably, but it’s worth researching. [TaxProf Blog via Corporate Counsel]

* We shouldn’t have been so surprised by the affluenza defense because North Texas is basically one big monument to the concept. [New York Times]

* Here’s an infographic showing the most popular TV show set in each state. What legal shows make the list? [Business Insider]

* The top 10 most ridiculous lawsuits of the year. Apple porn guy clocks in at a mere number 10? Outrage! Bigger outrage: they ultimately link to the HuffPo write-up of… the original Above the Law piece. Why no direct link, hm? Video embedded after the jump… [Faces of Lawsuit Abuse]

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Last week, we asked readers to submit possible captions for this picture:

You voted on the finalists, and now it’s time to announce the winner of our contest…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Caption Contest Winner: Biglaw Bonus Blues? Drink Up!”


You’d think it would be Blitzen, right?

A district attorney who failed basic PR skills has issued a press release touting the arrest of “Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer” (which should be “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” but editing press releases isn’t their jam) for “Flying Under the Influence.” The office display includes a Rudolph doll ready for his mugshot. If you’re looking for a place to move, try this joint because there’s obviously no real crime whatsoever if they have time to pull this.

There are just so many things wrong with this…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “District Attorney Busts Rudolph For Flying Under the Influence — So That’s Why His Nose Was Red…”

Thank you to everyone who submitted nominations for our fifth annual holiday card contest. In terms of quantity, we received a great many submissions. And (almost) all of you complied with the contest rules, so thanks for that as well.

Quantity was strong, but in terms of quality… well, at the risk of sounding Grinch-like, this wasn’t the strongest batch we’ve seen over the years. We received a lot of cards that were tasteful and well-executed but boring. While it’s not surprising that many firms take a “do no harm” approach to holiday cards, it doesn’t make for the most exciting contest.

That said, there were still a few stalks of wheat mixed in with the chaff. Here are the eight fabulous finalists, for you to review and vote upon….

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On Monday, we asked readers to submit possible captions for this picture:

Let’s have a look at what our readers came up with, and vote on the finalists…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Caption Contest Finalists: Biglaw Bonus Blues? Drink Up!”

Massive brawls, videotaped hand jibbers, and violating Section 478 of the New York Judiciary Law. What an issue spotter!

Last weekend, New York once again endured the insufferable gathering of mouth-breathing douchebags known as SantaCon. Scores and scores of bros and ho ho hoes crawled into Manhattan bars dressed as Santa Claus (or some other holiday character) to get absolutely wrecked before screwing the bartender on the tip and moving on to the next bar for another dose of Jagerbombs.[1] That Agent Smith quote from the Matrix about how human beings are a disease that ruin everything and then move on to another area? That’s SantaCon.

And it’s all fun and games until they have to explain to the rental place why there’s vomit all over the red velvet suit. Or write a major publication pretending to be a lawyer to complain about the world watching Christmas-themed sex acts through a Duane Reade window….

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It’s that time of year again. Maybe you call it the most wonderful time of the year, but it isn’t all holiday parties and goodwill towards men. There is inherent stress build into the expectations of the season (the trifecta of family time, gift giving and less sunlight) that can turn ordinary people into basket cases.

While contract attorneys may not have the burden of worrying about what to get their secretary, there are still financial, emotional and social pitfalls to avoid.

So what are the best tips to survive this season…

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If you still need to do holiday shopping for a lawyer or law student in your life, we’ve got you covered. Just check out our ATL Holiday Gift Guide (sponsored).

What about holiday gifts for secretaries or administrative assistants? In the past week or so, our lawyer readers have been writing to us seeking guidance.

With all due respect to Marin’s hilarious list, secretaries do not want “scented candles, Josh Groban CDs, or Cirque du Soleil tickets.” They want straight cash, homey.

But how much cash should you give? And what, if anything, should you give to paralegals and other support staff you work with? Let’s discuss, then take a few polls at the end….

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Bonus season is upon us, but some people aren’t satisfied with the extra wad of cash they’ve received. In the eyes of disgruntled associates, these are the same bonuses that were handed out last year — only this time around, they’re stale and being served cold.

The angry associates will trudge along to their Biglaw holiday parties, muttering under their breath about the five-figure sum the partners have low-balled them with this year. The name Cravath will be grunted with disdain and paired with an eye roll, and whispers of “Why didn’t I choose Boies Schiller during OCI?” will be followed by mournful sighs.

Cheer up, everyone. There’s a very obvious solution waiting for you just inside the doors of the party you didn’t want to attend….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Caption Contest: Biglaw Bonus Blues? Drink Up!”

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