* Does the Supreme Court need an ethics code? And yes, yes it does. [The Faculty Lounge]
* James Woods is suing a Twitter troll for claiming the actor is a “cocaine addict.” They probably just misspelled “hypersensitive blowhard.” [Gawker]
* In baseball, does the “tie go to the runner”? Are you sure? [PrawfsBlawg]
* Tom Brady provides that rare opportunity for sports fans to care about forum selection clauses. But the best part of this story is the comment: “Out of habit, the NRA filed an amicus brief on behalf of the NFL when they heard ‘Clinton’ & ‘Brady’ in the same sentence.” It’s refreshing when commenters are funny. [Deadspin]
* If you think academia can be a cushy job, you should see what retiring from academia looks like? [TaxProf Blog]
* A comprehensive snapshot of the business record of the Roberts Court. [Constitutional Accountability Center]
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The Supreme Court shines light on the justices’ finances in the most opaque manner possible.
* Ouch! The Florida Supreme Court just unanimously told a lower court judge to STFU and GTFO. Judge Laura Watson, who was elected to her position in 2012, was summarily ousted from the bench for shady conduct that took place before her judgeship commenced. [Sun Sentinel]
* The ABA postponed making a decision on whether it’ll approve a merger between Hamline Law and William Mitchell Law. Not to worry, everything will be okay. Come on, as if the ABA would let a failing law school completely crash and burn. [MPR News]
* We mentioned this week that Hank Greenberg won his A.I.G. bailout suit, but we didn’t get around to the part where Davis Polk got quite the judicial spanking from an “irritated” judge — and the firm wasn’t even named as a defendant. [DealBook / New York Times]
* Uh oh. It looks like Ellen Pao just got “powed.” Judge Harold Kahn has tentatively ruled that Pao must pay about $276,000 in trials costs to Kleiner Perkins. (Special thanks go out to ATL commenter Paul Harvey for this clever little quip.) [Digits / Wall Street Journal]
* Micah Green, a prominent lobbyist at Squire Patton Boggs, is headed for greener pastures at Steptoe. He’s the latest rainmaker to leave, which makes us wonder if the firm will be satisfied with only being able to make it drizzle. [PowerPost / Washington Post]
He earned himself an ethics complaint for making insensitive remarks like this.
Ed. note: Above the Law will not be publishing on Monday, May 25, in observance of the Memorial Day holiday.
* The settlement deal between Target and Mastercard over the 2013 data breach is dead after failing to garner the requisite issuer support. Proposed settlement: $19 million. Years of protracted litigation: Priceless. [Credit Union Times]
* High school teacher who admitted she and another teacher had a threesome with a 16-year-old student got off — well, legally — with a slap on the wrist. Folks are starting to wonder if her dad being a sitting district judge had anything to do with that. [Times-Picayune]
* On a similar note, Mama June of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo… fame? Is she famous? Whatever. The point is Mama June is toying with suing the TLC Network because they canceled her show over a child molester, but haven’t nuked 19 Kids and Counting in the wake of its brewing molestation scandal. When you consider these hit shows starring inbred hillbillies with molestation issues, remember that TLC stands for “The Learning Channel.” [TMZ]
* Lawmakers pushing back against Governor Cuomo’s proposal to appoint an independent monitor to investigate police-related civilian killings. One skeptical State Senator proclaims, “What I do know is that it treats police officers different than other citizens.” Yes, because right now the police get the same kid gloves grand jury presentations the rest of us do. [Capital New York]
* Texas prosecuted 115,782 truancies in a year, levying hefty fines and doling out jail time to kids as young as 12. Well hello there prison-industrial complex! [Al Jazeera America]
* Are the Yankees and A-Rod gearing up for arbitration… or settlement? I don’t know, why wouldn’t you want to put a warm, likeable guy like him in front of a panel? [Concurring Opinions]
* Judges must be the loneliest people on social media… [The Daily Record]
* Merely complaining to your boss is enough to trigger anti-retaliation provisions according to the Second Circuit. So feel free to call up that partner you hate… [JD Supra]
* Oh Texas. Judge gets in trouble for posting about an ongoing trial on Facebook, violating HER OWN RULE about posting about an ongoing trial on Facebook. [Texas Lawyer]
* Head of the Georgia state judicial ethics committee resigns after billing questions arise. [Daily Report]
* Ach nein! Orrick closes two German offices. [Am Law]
* Yup, if you graduated law school (even from a great school like Columbia) in 2010, you are well and truly screwed. [NY Times]
* Get ready for the gay marriage oral arguments with a fascinating history of codified homophobia in public service. [WaPo]
* Irony alert: Judge’s son got a DUI when he was driving recklessly in front of — yup, you guessed it — the courthouse. [Times Free Press]
* NY State Chief Judge Jonathan Lippman comes out in favor of decriminalization of seven “broken windows” offenses that account for ~42% of NYPD summonses. [NY Daily News]
* RIP Harvey Miller, 82, Weil Gotshal bankruptcy partner passed away after a fight with ALS. [NYLJ]
For Judge Jones, the victory must be bittersweet.
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* A Maryland judge ordered a court officer to deliver an electrical shock to a defendant. What the hell? [Baltimore Post-Examiner]
* Be less of a lawyer. [Medium]
* New York agrees to pay out $10 million to wrongfully convicted man. He may be gone, but former D.A. Charles Hynes is still costing the city money. [New York Times]
* Sentence requiring former Supreme Court justice to write apology letters to every judge in the state on a picture of her in handcuffs struck down as “unorthodox gimmick.” Now she has to write the letters on regular paper because apparently the apology letter part was an “orthodox gimmick.” [Penn Live]
* The public domain is awesome. [Clickhole]
* Lawyer accused of asking office manager if she wanted a “Dirty Sanchez.” Does anybody ever answer yes to that question? [Barstool Sports]
* It’s not that Justice Kennedy cares more about gay rights than women’s rights, it’s that Justice Kennedy understands gay rights better than women’s rights. That’s a much less charitable but shorter read of this insightful piece by a former Kennedy clerk. [Dorf on Law]
* The judge caught making racist and sexist remarks about Charlize Theron’s adoption has been banned from the bench. He wants to be judged on more than this incident. To quote Dr. Hibbert: “And hillbillies want to be called ‘Sons of the Soil’, but it ain’t gonna happen.” [Associated Press via Yahoo! News]
* Adam Carolla is keeping his fight against patent trolls alive. Ziggy socky ziggy socky hoy hoy hoy! [Mashable]
* Yesterday, the man who shot young Renisha McBride for knocking on his door was convicted of second-degree murder. Sadly, it was just one more in a string of cases where some idiot bought into the rhetoric of shooting first and asking questions later that gun lobbyists have pushed for years. [New York Times]
* Here’s something, a former law firm CIO wrote a novella called I Spy, You Spy, We All Spy (affiliate link) based on the allegedly true events of the “law firm spying on its own lawyers, employees and some of its employees’ family members.” Delightful. [Amazon]
* “Why Young Lawyers Shouldn’t Hate Hate Hate Baby Boomers Holding On to Jobs.” OK, I’ll go back to hating them for being the self-absorbed Me Generation that made Gordon Gekko a role model. [Law and More]
* At oral argument in the marriage equality cases, the lawyers and the Sixth Circuit exhibited… a lot of misconceptions. [Constitutional Accountability Center]
* The battle over the EPA’s Carbon rules isn’t over yet. Gear up for a Supreme Court trip. [Breaking Energy]
* Do you need to know how to pronounce the SCOTUS case of Volkswagenwerk Aktiengesellschaft v. Schlunk? There’s an app for that. [Law Technology News]
A federal judge lands in hot water for telling the Supreme Court to “stfu.” It’s just part of a growing trend of criticizing federal judges for having opinions.
* Upskirt photos not illegal in Massachusetts. The spirit of Kennedy lives on! [Mass Live]
* The investigation continues into whether Judge Mike Maggio, who might be the infamous Geauxjudge, suffers from a bad case of the Internet Crazies — but in the meantime, his campaign for the Court of Appeals took a hit. [Arkansas Times]
* Speaking of judicial ethics, Judge Kimberly Brown has been removed from the bench in Indiana. She’s only the third judge ever to be permanently removed from the job. [Indy Star]
* Wachtell Lipton partner Ricky Mason and his wife, Hoboken mayoral candidate Beth Mason, have been charged with several election-law violations. Uh-oh. [PolitickerNJ]
* Which state just ruled that you have a reasonable expectation of privacy in texting… even if you’re texting about a heroin deal? [IT-Lex]
* Dewey love the judge’s name in the Barclays suit over the dead firm’s debts? Yes. Because “Popplewell” is an awesome name. [The Lawyer]
* The data are in, and the top college grads have passed an all-important math test: they figured out law school is a bad deal. [Associate’s Mind]
* Yet another Florida law school dean has stepped down. This is what happens when you take a job in a state full of retired people. [Daily Business Review]
* Obamacare has been credited — and bashed — for a lot, but are we underselling its role in reducing prison populations? [Sentencing Law and Policy]