(Before police arrived, Portnoy received — and ignored — a cease-and-desist letter from none other than supermodel Gisele Bundchen, the child’s mother. Apparently the “spin” here was a comment made in reference to the size of the child’s genitalia, comparing it to that of Brady. The picture has since been removed. Stay classy, Boston.)
When I was a child, my mom’s friend visited the house and brought her newborn baby with her. Without warning, the woman whipped out her boob and began feeding the newborn in front of me and all of God’s creation. I stared for an uncomfortably long ten seconds at the parasitic orgy, then quickly scampered behind the curtains located less than five feet from the feeding frenzy. As I stood behind the curtains, my face beet red with embarrassment, my mother and her friend tried to coax me out, assuring me that everything would be okay. After an unusually long time behind those curtains, I stomped past the horror and made a beeline to the kitchen. I had to conquer my fear. I was also determined to salvage what was left of my 14th birthday party.
And so it was that a lady filed a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, claiming that she was fired from her job as a teacher because she had to leave the classroom to suck milk out of her boob.
Moooooo-re after the jump!
- ACLU, Constitutional Law, Education / Schools, Facebook, Free Speech, Kids, Pictures, Pornography, Sex
Back in 2009, some teen girls in Indiana had a sleepover that lived up to any teen boy’s fantasy version of one. After racy photos from the summer slumber party made their way to the principal’s office, two of the athletes in attendance were suspended from school sports for the year. That’s, like, totally unfair, said the ACLU, which helped the students sue the school, alleging violation of their First Amendment right to post slutty photos of themselves online.
The girls took photos of themselves “playing” with “phallic-shaped rainbow colored lollipops,” in the court’s words. It sounds like the oh-so-innocent unicorn horn lollipop to me. Though unicorns are usually associated with purity and virginity, these girls took the horn in a different direction, using it in photo shoots that simulated various sexual positions. I’ll leave the descriptions to the court, which wrote one of the racier opinions [pdf] I’ve ever come across (via Professor Eric Goldman’s Technology and Marketing Law Blog)….
It’s time to announce the winner of July’s Lawyer of the Month. Actually, it’s well past time to announce the winner of July’s Lawyer of the Month, but I forgot to do it before I went on vacation. Sorry about that. Since it’s late I’ll make this column free.
The winner of the July contest won in a landslide. Regular readers of Above the Law will not be surprised to learn that Elana Nightingale Dawson, a recent law school graduate who went into labor while attempting to pass the bar, won our lawyer of the month poll — even if she’s not yet a practicing attorney. That’s just how we roll around here.
But despite her comfortable margin of victory, Elana Dawson inspired some interesting debates in the comments, debates that merit additional attention….
I think he did the right thing. I’m proud of my brother and now he’s in a better place. He’s at peace. His daughter’s at peace. She’ll have one name now, and we can move on. And hopefully the court will learn a little thing about justice.
— Nabil Samaan, a California attorney, commenting on the apparent murder-suicide of niece Madeline Layla Samaan-Fay and brother Mourad “Moni” Samaan. Moni had been in an epic custody battle with ex-wife Marcia Fay, a California deputy attorney general.
Those three words made me the personification of evil. They made me toxic and caused a public uproar the likes of which this community has never seen.
— Former Luzerne County Judge Mark Ciavarella, Jr., commenting on his new moniker as the “Kids for Cash” judge. Today, Ciavarella was sentenced to 28 years for his role in a massive bribery scandal in the Pennsylvania juvenile justice system.
Earlier this year, we told you the strange tale of Thomas Walkley. A lawyer in Ohio, Walkley founded and runs Cafe 41:11, a coffeeshop for at-risk youth. Back in January, Walkley was accused of exposing himself to two teenage boys who applied to work at the cafe.
Walkley admitted showing his junk to the teens, but claimed that it was done for educational and mentoring purposes. Guys at my all-boys Catholic high school used to educate and mentor me all the time, it was no big deal.
The authorities didn’t buy Walkley’s argument. They tried to take him to trial.
Now we have some updates on Tom Walkley — plus comments given to Above the Law by a mother whose teenage son worked for Walkley at Cafe 41:11….
It’s been almost a month since our last post on law-related vanity license plates. We got a great response to our call for photos, but we could always use some more. So, if you’re a fan of the Law License Plates series, please send in your photos via email (subject line: “Vanity License Plate”).
Both of these submissions came to us from my current home state: Massachusetts. In case you didn’t know, this will be my fifth year in the good old Commonwealth, land of some of the worst drivers in the world. And after seeing these vanity license plates, I am even more excited to leave.
Looking at these plates was a bit like looking into a crystal ball. Are you ready to see your future?