Quote of the Day

You can take your analogy and shove it right up your [expletive], judge.

Kenneth Conley, a convicted bank robber, at his sentencing for having masterminded a daring escape from the Chicago MCC in 2012. Judge Gary Feinerman could only respond with a “thank you,” making this a rare “defendant-slap.”

The term “daring” is no understatement when it comes to this escape. Conley and his accomplice cut a hole in a concrete wall and then used a rope fashioned from bed sheets and dental floss to scale down the prison’s outer wall in the middle of the night.

(If you’d be scared scaling a two-story wall suspended only by dental floss, check out a picture of the wall they actually scaled down.)

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Are porn stars’ rights deserving of strict scrutiny?

[W]hat I ask for is simple. I, like all other sex workers, want to be treated with dignity and respect. I want equal representation under the law and within societal institutions. I want people to acknowledge our humanity.

Lauren A., a freshman at Duke University, defending her decision to perform in pornography to fund her education. In her personal manifesto, posted on xoJane, she rejects her categorization as a “bimbo” and a “whore,” and envisions a world in which sex workers will enjoy the equal protection of the laws.

It takes a certain kind of personal-injury lawyer to look at the facts of this glittering night and wrest from them a plausible plaintiff and defendant, unless it were possible for Travis Hughes to be sued by his own anus.

Caitlin Flanagan, regaling readers with the tale of Louis Helmberg III v. Alpha Tau Omega Fraternity and Travis Hughes, in a hard-hitting piece documenting her investigation into Greek fraternity houses and their “endemic, lurid, and sometimes tragic problems.”

In the Helmburg case, the plaintiff sued for his injuries after falling off ATO’s deck and becoming wedged between it and an A/C unit. Prior to his fall, Helmsburg reportedly attempted to use his cellphone to film Hughes shooting a bottle rocket out of his ass. Instead of soaring into the air, the bottle rocket exploded in Hughes’s rectum. Helmberg was so startled he tumbled off the deck.

(Special things like this happen at frats regularly. Read on to see the complaint.)

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My weekend was ruined because I was worried about being arrested.

Michael Courtney, chief public defender in Danbury, Connecticut, having second thoughts about contacting someone in witness protection to be a witness for his client, convicted triple murderer Richard Roszkowski. Courtney requested that he be excused from representing Roszkowski, but a judge denied his pleas.

Just as a joke, I didn’t think I could really be held in contempt charges for writing something on a questionnaire.

– Drayke Jacobs Van-Tol at his hearing, where Judge Vito Geroulo held him in contempt of court for filling out a jury questionnaire with profanity, crude language, and racial slurs. It didn’t work out for Sarah Silverman either.

[Chicago style] shouldn’t be called pizza. It’s very tasty, but it’s not pizza.

– Justice Antonin Scalia, an Italian American, criticizing the Second City’s deep-dish style of pizza at the Union League Club of Chicago’s 126th Annual George Washington’s Birthday Gala.

Justice Scalia

[Victories for same-sex marriage] will keep happening. And someday soon, Justice Scalia will have the chance to deliver the most vitriolic ‘I told you so’ in recent Supreme Court memory.

Jesse Wegman, a member of the New York Times Editorial Board, discussing how prescient Justice Antonin Scalia has been on the issue of marriage equality.

(Additional notable quotes and links, after the jump.)

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Too soon, too soon, too soon.

– Justice Elena Kagan, declaring in a recent public appearance that she’s not ready to be the subject of a bobblehead doll.

(Additional highlights from Lady Kaga’s comments, after the jump.)

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Wendy Davis

I’m not saying there aren’t brilliant people at S.M.U. — I’m sure there are. But I really wanted to finish my experience in this extraordinary academic setting that I’d been in.

– Texas gubernatorial candidate Wendy Davis, explaining in an interview with Robert Draper of the New York Times Magazine why she chose to remain at Harvard Law School for her final year of school, instead of completing her legal education at Southern Methodist University, where she’d be closer to her children.

I had the good fortune to be offered a clerkship by several of Justice Ginsburg’s colleagues: Abner Mikva, whom I eventually clerked for, Harry Edwards, and Pat Wald. The only one of President Carter’s nominees to the D.C. Circuit who thought me not quite good enough was Judge Ginsburg. She didn’t even interview me.

– Justice Elena Kagan, jokingly referring to the “minor grudge” she’s nursed against Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg for almost thirty years, at the 2014 Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg Distinguished Lecture on Women and the Law hosted by the New York City Bar Association.

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