Ridiculousness

It’s like this except with no smiling and everyone secretly resenting each other.

We’re just deep enough into the school year for law students to feel out their fellows and pop the question about forming a study group. And most law students will join some study group reflexively because it’s “just what you do.” But study groups aren’t so much about responsible preparation as much as an excuse to summon a perverse Voltron of collective neuroses. You’re probably going to end up with the same grade you’d have gotten if you studied on your own, but now you have a handful of other, possibly otherwise reasonable wrecks bombarding you with all the fears and insecurities you weren’t even thinking about.

The Paper Chase provided the gold standard of awful study groups. Backstabbing, withholding study aids, and a weird fascination with the word “pimp.”

At least until now….

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Sometimes students who enroll in law school very quickly realize that it’s not the right career path for them. Rather than lay out additional loan dollars, they happily withdraw from school and frolic to their next destination. Others “withdraw,” forget that lawyers want important decisions recorded in writing, and wind up accidentally failing out of law school. When they decide that they want to go back to school, this obviously causes problems.

In the case we’ll be discussing today, the former law student happened to file suit against the law school he once attended. He apparently decided that he really did want to be a lawyer, seven years after he initially quit. Alas, he needs a letter of good standing to apply to the school of his choice, and his old school won’t supply him with one.

Did we mention that he wants a letter of good standing so he can apply to Cooley Law?

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‘That professor will rue the day he gave me a D!’

When most law students receive crappy grades, they drown their own self-pity in alcohol, shrug it off, and tell themselves they’ll do better next time. Some law students, though, as ludicrous as it may be, feel that their only recourse after receiving a bad grade is to sue. This is without fail the very worst option a law student could take, but it’s entertaining if only because these whiny lawsuits are filed pro se.

Take, for example, a lawsuit that was recently filed by a former student at an unaccredited law school. The plaintiff is pissed that he got a terrible grade in one of his classes, and he wants a federal court to mete out his revenge against the professor who ruined his life.

Did we mention that he wants $100,000 in damages for “years of not being in a legal career”?

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Johnny Manziel (By: Thomas Campbell-USA TODAY Sports)

I have nightmares of [Johnny] Manziel; he needs sex therapy. Seeing Manziel with his small penis caused me psychological emotional distress. I had to see a psychologist because I have nightmares of Manziel’s penis.

– An excerpt from a lawsuit filed by “Samantha Schacher,” but more likely filed by Jonathan Lee Riches, better known in the legal community as America’s favorite serial litigant. Read some of his work here, here, and here.

(Keep reading to see the rest of this entertaining lawsuit.)

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Partners think that they have all the power in the world, and when they want something, they try to get it — no matter what the cost. From new toys, to new clients, to new women, their voracious appetites for more are simply insatiable. If these playthings are unattainable, partners will become acutely aggressive in their pursuit, especially when it comes to potential sexual conquests.

Take, for example, the case of a prominent partner who recently found himself on the receiving end of a sexual harassment lawsuit. He allegedly sent a first-year associate videos about sexual techniques and engaged her in discussions about that literary classic, Fifty Shades of Grey (affiliate link).

Did we mention this alleged tour de force of sexual harassment culminated with the partner purportedly sending the associate emails describing his workplace sexual fantasies in great detail?

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Earlier this week, Jim Saksa wrote a piece in Slate entitled “You Can Do Anything With A Law Degree,” where he argued that you can’t do everything with a law degree despite the propaganda of the law school-industrial complex. Apparently he didn’t realize you could herd sheep. All in all, it was a great addition to the growing pushback to the lie that it’s a good idea to blow six figures on a legal education even if you aren’t committed to a life at least tangentially in the law and you get into a microwave law school.

It’s already generated some ridiculous defensive blowback. One carefully constructed rebuttal to the Slate piece, attempting to rehabilitate the “law degree as fashionable accessory” argument, looks on its face like a serious challenge. It’s not….

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Oh Roy Moore, you delightful little publicity hound. Alabama’s Chief Justice is no stranger to making ridiculous pronouncements about what he thinks the law is despite all evidence to the contrary. Most recall his earlier stint running the Alabama Supreme Court, which ended in an ethics ruling after the Chief wasted around half a million in taxpayer dollars fighting — and then willfully violating — court orders seeking removal of the Ten Commandments from the court. It turns out when judges encourage disrespect for the rule of law it’s an ethical violation.

It was all so ludicrous. Even Moses removed his Ten Commandments display.

But Alabama being Alabama, the voters returned Moore to the post of Chief Justice. Roll Tide.

Over the weekend, video surfaced of his latest round of nonsensical ramblings. And while the comments about the First Amendment are certainly shocking, he also goes off on abortion and inadvertently lends support to Roe v. Wade in the process….

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If you’re like most law students, the Student Bar Association never struck you as a productive use of your law school time. Playing pretend government was something high schoolers did to pad their college applications. But once the Tracy Flicks of the world get their measure of validation from a student body that really couldn’t care less, they move on. Others, however, throw their hats into the ring and run for office in between briefing cases. There’s nothing wrong with it. I mean, somebody has to do it.

Not to get all Karl Rove over here, but a prospective law school candidate should understand the electorate. If you’re going to run for SBA, try to be in on the apathy and realize you need to do something unconventionally attention grabbing. Like Anthony Halmon when he performed a self-written campaign rap song. That election didn’t work out for him, but he managed to get his classmates to look up from their casebooks (read: Scotch) for a minute.

On the other hand, this 1L running for SBA Senator might not have gotten that message….

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Picture of Banana Lady taken from Judge Posner’s opinion.

As it turns out, it was in fact a banana, and she was absolutely not happy to see Judge Posner.

The ridiculous isn’t entirely new to Judge Posner. He’s seen lawyers treating his courtroom as a schoolyard and issued benchslaps complete with pictures of men burying their heads in sand.

But he doubtless never expected to be writing an opinion chastising a woman in a banana suit….

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Want to see what it looks like when a fourth-year Weil Gotshal associate plans to marry a family law practitioner from a small firm? It looks like it’s going to rival the epic display of elegance and class that is the upcoming Kimye wedding.

Please save the date for the “Boss Wedding,” which is what they’re calling this dignified affair…

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