Ed. note: Above the Law will not be publishing on Monday, May 25, in observance of the Memorial Day holiday.
* The settlement deal between Target and Mastercard over the 2013 data breach is dead after failing to garner the requisite issuer support. Proposed settlement: $19 million. Years of protracted litigation: Priceless. [Credit Union Times]
* High school teacher who admitted she and another teacher had a threesome with a 16-year-old student got off — well, legally — with a slap on the wrist. Folks are starting to wonder if her dad being a sitting district judge had anything to do with that. [Times-Picayune]
* On a similar note, Mama June of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo… fame? Is she famous? Whatever. The point is Mama June is toying with suing the TLC Network because they canceled her show over a child molester, but haven’t nuked 19 Kids and Counting in the wake of its brewing molestation scandal. When you consider these hit shows starring inbred hillbillies with molestation issues, remember that TLC stands for “The Learning Channel.” [TMZ]
* Lawmakers pushing back against Governor Cuomo’s proposal to appoint an independent monitor to investigate police-related civilian killings. One skeptical State Senator proclaims, “What I do know is that it treats police officers different than other citizens.” Yes, because right now the police get the same kid gloves grand jury presentations the rest of us do. [Capital New York]
* Texas prosecuted 115,782 truancies in a year, levying hefty fines and doling out jail time to kids as young as 12. Well hello there prison-industrial complex! [Al Jazeera America]
* Are the Yankees and A-Rod gearing up for arbitration… or settlement? I don’t know, why wouldn’t you want to put a warm, likeable guy like him in front of a panel? [Concurring Opinions]
* Judges must be the loneliest people on social media… [The Daily Record]
* Merely complaining to your boss is enough to trigger anti-retaliation provisions according to the Second Circuit. So feel free to call up that partner you hate… [JD Supra]
Daredevil may have great fight scenes, but it’s still fairly weak as a legal show.
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You really can do anything with a law degree.
* Amal Clooney of Doughty Street Chambers, who happens to be married to George Clooney, is being heralded as an “exotic, luxe-brand Princess Diana upgrade.” Lesson learned: marry a celebrity and your legal credentials look awesome. [New York Magazine]
* If you’re into fashion at the high court, this satirical news website managed to get an exclusive photo of all of the Supreme Court justices in their new spaghetti strap sun-robes. You know what Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg must be thinking about her colleagues: “Do you even lift?” [The Onion]
* The William Mitchell Law professors who filed suit against the school to protect the tenure code after its merger with Hamline Law was announced have voluntarily dropped their case. Apparently no harm will come to the precious after all. [National Law Journal]
* Vicente Sederberg, a firm that focuses on marijuana law, will sponsor a three-year professorship for marijuana law and policy at Denver Law. Sam Kamin will be the first to hold the position. Come see him at ATL’s marijuana reception in June. [The Cannabist]
* Everyone in the legal community likes to complain about the fact that law reviews are useless because no one reads them. We dare you to complain about an entire law review issue dedicated to the legal problems presented in AMC’s Breaking Bad. [WSJ Law Blog]
Amy Schumer does it again with a take on a legal classic
* For Mad Men fans: Have you wondered how the show is getting away with making real-life ad agency McCann Erickson sound like a hellhole? [The Legal Artist]
* The hell? An aide to California AG Kamala Harris was arrested for serving as “chief deputy director” of a rogue police department. That claims to be descended from the Knights Templar. And run by the Freemasons. The conspiracy is real, my friends. [Slate]
* Catholic priest dubbed “Monsignor Meth” sentenced to 5 years for running a drug ring. This may be an obvious point, but in the grand scheme of “crimes committed by Roman Catholic priests” this really isn’t so bad. Unless kids were paying for meth the way… well, they sometimes pay for meth. [NBC Connecticut]
* Nobody wants to throw children to the wolves, but current child support laws are less about helping kids and more about throwing poor parents in jail when they can’t afford to pay money they don’t have. [LFC 360]
* The Goebbels estate is seeking royalties for biographies about the Nazi propagandist, giving new meaning to the term “IP Troll.” [Inside Higher Ed]
* Fascinating. All the cool stuff you can do now that the U.S. Code is published as structured data. If you like your statutes in cool graphs, this is for you. [Concurring Opinions]
* RIP Richard Bartlett, who helped bring the New York courts into unity. He was 89. [New York Law Journal]
A federal judge cites the TV sitcom “Friends” to kick off her latest opinion.
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Daredevil is unquestionably a great superhero show, but it could be a better legal show.
* David Simon, the creator of The Wire, weighs in on Baltimore. He points blame at a police force rooted in “a culture that taught them not the hard job of policing, but simply how to roam the city, jack everyone up, and call for the wagon.” F**k. [Talking Points Memo]
* In Colorado, marriage is defined as one man and… well, that’s all you need actually. [Business Insider Law & Order]
* Hull takes a stab at explaining his problem with the parlance of email. [What About Clients?]
* A fly on the wall at the post-Obergefell chambers conference. [Law Prof Blawg]
* Professor Hasen examines Williams-Yulee. [Election Law Blog]
* Another reality TV legal run-in: the restaurant from “Welcome to Sweetie Pie’s” settles a discrimination suit over an employee claiming she was fired for refusing to join a prayer session. I think the important question here is: there’s really a show called “Welcome to Sweetie Pie’s”? [Missouri Lawyers Weekly]
* Did you follow that child custody hearing over letting an 11-year-old attend a P!nk (is this how we write that now?) concert? Because it was crazypants. [Bronzino Law]
* Could the Uber class action suit spell relief for contract attorneys? [Law and More]
* Ballard Spahr’s Chair Mark Stewart talks about the competition between law firms and the distribution of… oh, face it, you just want to hear him talk about hiring Rogers Stevens of Blind Melon as an associate. [Bloomberg BNA / Big Law Business]
Delving into identity issues in episodes 4-6 of Daredevil (spoilers).
Orange is not the new black for realty TV star Teresa Giudice.
* Trying Meredith Grey for wrongful death. Can we put her on How To Get Away With Murder and then have Hydra massacre them all in an all-purging ABC Network fire? [Lowenthal & Abrams]
* If the Supreme Court dismisses a case as improvidently granted, it’s a DIG. If they did it in the past, was it DUG? Professor Carissa Byrne Hessick ponders the linguistics that we’d never ever have considered. And that probably bodes well for us. [PrawfsBlawg]
* Did you hear about that two-way mirror that a bar installed to watch the women’s room? Police say no privacy rights were implicated, because apparently women understand that the bathroom door was unlocked so they expected guys to walk in on them. Stellar legal analysis. [Jezebel]
* NYC moves into the 20th Century with its summons process. No, that’s not a typo and yes, that’s still a good thing. [LFC 360]
* It’s important to remember that the revelation that David Messerschmitt may have led a double life doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen all the time. And we’re not talking about a Matt Murdock-style double life here, which doesn’t happen much. [Law and More]
* Nice shout out to Lexis-Nexis Blog for getting into the content production game. [Forbes]
* Interviewing people waiting in line for Supreme Court oral arguments and lamenting how much of their day is wasted because we can’t have a goddamned camera in the room. [Fix the Court]
It’s Friday afternoon, so let’s just enjoy this clip of Charlie Kelly, Esq.
* Professor Campos thrashes those who deny the law school scam. Um… these analogies may be a tad over the top. [Lawyers, Guns & Money]
* Judge Kozinski movie night!!! [Los Angeles Times]
* Discovery is awesome. Let’s read some highlights from the Deutsche Bank LIBOR transcripts! [Bloomberg Business]
* “5 bad things about being a City lawyer that nobody tells you about.” [Legal Cheek]
* Marriage equality will likely come down to one simple edit. [Slate]
How does Daredevil the Netflix original television show compare to the 2003 movie starring Ben Affleck?
* Loretta Lynch might actually get confirmed, you guys! Senate Republicans have agreed to a bipartisan deal on human trafficking legislation which should end the Lynch logjam. America in 2015, “human trafficking bad” now requires months of negotiation. [CNN]
* Our old friend Professor Michael Simkovic is back and defending the decision to go to law school based on part-time job numbers because, hey, that’s how the Bureau of Labor measures unemployment so it must be the same for judging employment for struggling J.D.s. Professor Bernie Burk gives a thorough, thoughtful, and respectful retort. [The Faculty Lounge]
* Meanwhile, failing to learn the lesson of America, students seeking law degrees skyrocket in the UK. Thomas Cooley considers Norfolk campus. [Legal Cheek]
* The property law of Downton Abbey. It teaches the most important lesson of property — historically it’s really, really good to be a wealthy white guy. [Vanderbilt Law Review]
* Digging into a less heralded subsidiary argument in the marriage equality cases: the “proceed with caution” rhetoric intended to push the issue to the backburner. [NYU Law Review]
* On that note, same-sex marriage kills babies!!! Well, no, not really. But that is the argument one former Scalia clerk is making for some reason. [Dorf on Law]
* Looks like Europe is going to hit Putin where it hurts… an antitrust courtroom. That’ll learn him! [New York Times]