John Oliver turned his attention to Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche on Sunday’s Last Week Tonight, and the results were… not flattering for the man who has spent the better part of two months relentlessly (ultimately successfully) auditioning for the permanent AG gig.
Oliver played a clip of Blanche’s, well, embarrassing statement to reporters: “It’s the greatest honor of a lifetime. And if President Trump chooses to keep me as acting, that’s an honor. If he chooses to nominate me, that’s an honor. If he chooses to nominate somebody else and I go back to being the DAG [Deputy Attorney General], that’s an honor. If he chooses to nominate somebody else and asks me to go do something else, I will say thank you very much. I love you, sir.”
Oliver’s reaction: “Jesus, Todd! There is sucking up and whatever that was!”
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From there, Oliver diagnosed the quote as Blanche “freestyling a version of ‘Green Eggs and Ham’ about what he’s willing to do for the president,” before unveiling the cover of a mock Dr. Seuss book titled Brown Nose Goes H.A.M.
“‘I’d kiss his ass on a boat, I’d tickle his balls with a goat,'” Oliver recited as he turned through illustrated pages of the parody. He finished with: “‘I love the president with my soul, I yield to him my every hole.'”
In fairness to Oliver’s read of the situation: it’s not wrong. As we noted last week, Trump has (sort of) confirmed Blanche will get the permanent nomination, describing Blanche as having “done a very good job” during his probationary period. Which, given what the audition tape contains — declaring the president’s “right” to direct criminal investigations of his political enemies, a press conference about a missing bullet, going after the press, and defending the now likely dead $1.8 billion slush fund — does tell you something about what “a very good job” means in this context.
The man who left his Cadwalader partnership to become Trump’s personal criminal defense attorney has, apparently, secured the bag… even if it cost him his dignity along the way.
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Kathryn Rubino is a Senior Editor at Above the Law, host of The Jabot podcast, and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. AtL tipsters are the best, so please connect with her. Feel free to email her with any tips, questions, or comments and follow her on Twitter @Kathryn1 or Bluesky @Kathryn1