The Bachelorette

Andi Dorfman

If you weren’t in love with me, I’m just not sure why you made love to me.

Nick Viall, the runner-up on the latest season of The Bachelorette, announcing on live TV that while the show was being filmed, he had sex with Andi Dorfman, the assistant district attorney who accepted a marriage proposal from another man.

Andi Dorfman

When ABC announced that Andi Dorfman, an assistant district attorney in Atlanta, would star in this season’s The Bachelorette, we all expected the media to force her Wake Forest Law degree down our throats as evidence that she’s smarter than the standard vapid Bachelorette. And in the process we’d hear more about how law is an exciting David E. Kelley-produced reality. To ABC she’s a real-life Ally McBeal. Except Jewish, which actually would better explain McBeal’s bundle of neuroses.

So it was no surprise when ABC treated us to this insultingly stupid interview where they force Dorfman to explain how she’s using “what she learned in law school” to find a fake husband the way other law grads find fake jobs.

How does a law degree help you choose a mate?

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Andi Dorfman

First we heard that Bachelor contestant and now Bachelorette Andi Dorfman, a prosecutor at the Fulton County District Attorney’s Office, left her job to star on The Bachelorette.  That would not be too offensive except that she left mid-murder trial, leaving her coworkers high and dry.  Though, she was apparently assisting on the trial, so there was likely another district attorney to take over the reins.  Still, her boss called the leave “highly unusual,” and it seems to be a disservice to the public for a prosecutor to leave in the middle of a murder trial for a TV show.

Now, there is word that attorney and former Bachelorette contestant Craig Robinson allegedly left his client high and dry to star on the show.  The case was your run-of-the-mill slip-and-fall matter.  Robinson apparently left for the TV show just before the case was to go to trial, resulting in a dismissal of the case…

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Yesterday, one of America’s most famous lawyers died. The repulsive apotheosis of homophobia, Fred Phelps, slithered off his mortal coil surrounded by the physical sensation of hatred and utterly alone… if his own brand of brimstone karmic retribution carries with it even a shred of truth. At any rate, old Fred was a lawyer back in his day. Back in the 70s, he was disbarred for calling a witness a “slut.” Sex is difficult and bewildering for some people.

As a youngster growing up in Kansas, I was familiar with Freddy’s wacky brand of hatred. I think I first encountered him protesting a Pat Robertson speech when I was in high school. Très dada, the 16-year-old me whispered to no one in particular. And so it was that I began to notice Fred Phelps, long before his military funeral protests and his national fame. In college at the University of Kansas, I encountered dozens of his protests. To a homophobe like Fred, Lawrence, Kansas, was Sodom itself. A den of iniquity quite pleased with itself, thank you. And so it was jarring when we all noticed Fred’s choice of attire to keep himself warm during those gross, cretinous, mid-January protests. A KU jacket.

With March Madness upon us and basketball open on another tab of the browser I’m typing on, I say unto you… Rock chalk Jayhawk, let’s talk sports…

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Andi Dorfman

* If your firm has not yet given in to the demands of corporate clients for more reasonable billing structures, please be aware that a) your firm is behind the times, and b) you better be prepared to get your white shoes scuffed. [Boston Globe]

* Mirror, mirror, on the wall, which is the fairest firm of them all? According to the 2014 Acritas Brand Index survey, Skadden is the firm on everyone’s mind — for the third year in a row. They must be doing something right. Congrats! [Am Law Daily]

* Part of this former staff attorney’s discrimination suit against Quinn Emanuel was dismissed, but as our editor, Elie Mystal, mused when he first heard of this case, it’s likely “the only color Quinn cares about is green.” [New York Law Journal]

* Trendspotting: Because fast-growing technology equals fast-growing money when it comes to the law, LeClairRyan is the first second firm in the U.S. to open up a drone practice group. [Richmond Times-Dispatch]

UPDATE (1:00 p.m.): Actually, Kramer Levin launched its Unmanned Aircraft Systems Practice Group back in December 2013, as noted by the ABA Journal and Bloomberg News.

* Bachelorette-in-waiting Andi Dorfman was granted an unpaid leave of absence from her job as an ADA to star in this summer’s edition of the reality show. We guess her boss gave her career a rose. [Daily Report]

* If you want male-strippers dressed as cops to come by the house, don’t call 911. [Legal Juice]

* These look like some fun Biglaw recruiting events over in England. Too bad if you’re not an Oxford or Cambridge student… [Legal Cheek]

* For the comic-loving lawyers out there, Marvel has kicked off a new run of the preeminent lawyer to the superheroes, She-Hulk. [Law and the Multiverse]

* How should we judge our prisons? Low incidence of rape and torture would be a good start. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* You can’t use your failing company’s Facebook account to poach opportunities for your new company. [IT-Lex]

* More coverage of the tensions at UCLA Law School. [Huffington Post]

* University ordered to pay $2.5 million to former lawyer it fired for not rubber-stamping some questionable dealings. [Chronicle of Higher Education]

* Andi from this season’s The Bachelor has disappeared from the murder trial she was running in Atlanta to take over as next season’s Bachelorette. Maybe she won’t dumb herself down as much when she’s the star of the show. Video of her in court after the jump… [TMZ]

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AUSA Mike Garofola

He’s smart, witty, compassionate, good-looking, nice. He’s a great lawyer. He was a great clerk. And he’s a great prosecutor.

Federico Moreno, Chief Judge of the United States District Court for the Southern District of Florida, offering comments in praise of Mike Garofola, the handsome assistant U.S. attorney who will be seen as a contestant on the upcoming season of The Bachelorette.

Will this gorgeous lawyer get a rose?

Now in its eleventy-billionth season, The Bachelorette is one of my guiltiest of pleasures, if only because it’s so ridiculous. If for some reason you haven’t seen the show, here’s the plot: 25 guys get together to show off their machismo and vie for the heart of one of the rejects from The Bachelor in an epic battle to get a taste of those sweet sloppy seconds on national television. In an ideal world, the show’s subtitle would be something like “Because We’re Sick of the Women on Match.com and Their MySpace Angles.”

Anyway, this show usually attempts to pair successful gentleman callers with your average girl-next-door types (and yes, these days, girls next door quit their jobs and move back in with their parents specifically so they can be on a reality TV dating show). Ever since the show featured a more respectable female suitor (read: a dental student) in 2011, ABC’s been upping the ante with respect to the qualifications of the mostly all-white male contestants.

The show hasn’t even aired yet, but we’ve got an inside tip on one of the men who will appear on this season’s trainwreck. One of them is a federal prosecutor, and he’s a major, major stud.

Can you smell the prestige?

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Ashley Hebert

In case you were too busy watching the End Times unfold in Japan last Monday, back in sunny L.A., music soared and angels cried as second-time-around Bachelor Brad Womack finally selected a fiancée from a cumulative pool of 60 desperate women. As ABC production assistants stood just off camera with guns, Brad and his fiancée confirmed they would marry, and the network announced next season’s Bachelorette: second runner-up Ashley Hebert.

Though 26-year-old Ashley is probably best known to fans for her sperm-like eyebrows and for sexing Brad up in the Fantasy Suite, she’s also a fourth-year dental student at U. Penn. and, accordingly, the most respectable Bachelorette yet. So… does this mean ABC will nix the usual crew of medical sales/mall kiosk workers/”entrepreneurs,” up the ante, and give Ashley some real professional dudes to vie for her heart?

Seems like it….

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It’s not every day that we see a Biglaw associate on the cover of a celebrity gossip magazine. So we were a bit shocked when a tipster sent along the scanned image (right) of last week’s In Touch magazine, with this message:

The guy identified as “Ali’s new guy” in this week’s Intouch weekly (and pictured on the cover) is a Skadden associate — and I think a fairly well-regarded one at that.

Ali, of course, is the current star of The Bachelorette. Background from our resident celeb gossip expert Marin:

This season stars Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky, an unemployed 25-year-old who quit her job at Facebook and moved back in with her parents to be on the show. Fans of the series will recall that Ali was a castoff from last season’s Bachelor, where she endeared herself to fans by wearing low-cut dresses, crying frequently, and vaguely resembling a poor man’s Reese Witherspoon as seen in dim light through cataracts. Anyhow, she’s back this season and more determined than ever to find love with one of 25 white bachelors, not including the one Hispanic dude, Roberto.

The Skadden Arps associate is not one of the two lawyers who was competing for her hand on the show. So this story would ruin the season, if true. Who is this associate?

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