Another day, another law student weeping over food stolen from the law school cafeteria. If you’re a frequent reader of Above the Law, you know that law students absolutely lose their minds over things like this.
Today, we’ve got yet another sad story of a law student whose blueberries were stolen at school this week. How did this budding barrister handle the situation? Not well. As we noted in the past in a similar story, “[l]ike any law student whose entire life had been ruined thanks to a felonious fruitnapping, this law student flipped out — in a very public forum — about a pilfered piece of fruit.”
Our fruitnapping victim, let’s call him “Blue Balls,” saw fit to tape a long, particularly bitter note about the incident onto one of the community refrigerators in his law school cafe. Which law school was the scene of the crime?
That would be Texas Tech University School of Law, and because everything’s bigger in Texas, this law student was extremely butthurt over his burgled berries. Before we get to the note itself, here’s what a classmate of Blue Balls had to say about his incredibly overwrought ode to a blueberry thief:
I think someone is a little cranky about their blueberries. Based on their exceptional thesaurus skills but inability to use a correct Em dash, I would guess that this is a pretentious 1L with their knickers in a twist.
Without further ado, feast your eyes upon the ramblings of a pissed-off law student:
The full note, in all of its glory, can be seen on the following page.
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Tipsters from Texas Tech report that the note has since been taken down, and that “this improper colon-using idiot needs to pull the stick out of their ass and quit their passive-aggressive bullshit.” Another source from the school said he was tempted to buy a pint of blueberries and put out a sign that says, “Found: free blueberries!” Law school: where idiots go to hone their passive-aggressive bullshitting skills.
Hey, Blue Balls, for what it’s worth, some of your classmates will have to “struggle for decades to pay off [their] student loans” regardless of whether or not they pass the bar exam, and regardless of whether or not they stole your precious blueberries.
(Flip to the next page to see a law student bitching about blueberries.)