Benchslaps, Federal Judges

Judge Calls DOJ 'Sons Of Bitches' On The Record

If you want to see an unprofessional rant from a federal judge, here's the transcript of Judge Hughes berating a federal counterterrorism prosector in a hail of disrespect.

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Judge Lynn Hughes

Judge Lynn Hughes

When Judge Lynn Hughes issued an opinion blasting attorneys from the Department of Justice as “pretentious” and “inept,” we thought it represented the pent-up — but likely justified — frustration of a federal judge tired of outside attorneys swooping into his jurisdiction and creating brush fires and delays like a screwball Jerry Lewis version of a lawyer. Sure it was over-the-top, but in the annals of Judge Hughes outbursts, this was hardly outrageous.

But hoo boy, the transcript. The transcript is a work of unprofessional art.

Upon being informed that a lawyer from the counterterrorism section of the DOJ in D.C. had filed a notice of appearance on the account of the local AUSA:

Hughes Benchslap

This is how the hearing starts. This is the first page of the record!

After this, Judge Hughes starts badgering the DOJ lawyer, Kashyap Patel, about his informal appearance owing to Patel having just arrived from Central Asia where he was doing more counterterrorism work. This is insufficient for Judge Hughes, who starts questioning Patel’s passport for not having time stamps even though time stamps are for f**king tourists and everyone who’s traveled internationally uses Global Entry in America.

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One of the best Archer jokes involves Archer continuing to believe that a blimp (rigid airship!) would explode like the Hindenburg despite repeatedly being told that helium isn’t flammable. When asked what he isn’t getting about these warnings, he replies, “Obviously the core concept.” I mention that here because lest you think Judge Hughes is just missing the particulars of the Global Entry program:

Hughes Benchslap 3

He doesn’t get the core concept of the program. How is this guy qualified to hear a terrorism case in 2016 if he doesn’t even know how people enter and exit the country?

Then Judge Hughes enjoys a complete break and starts venting about his taxes. Yes, that’s actually what happens: a federal judge starts complaining about a federal prosecutor because… taxes.

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Judge Hughes may be right that regional offices are more capable of prosecuting cases in their jurisdiction than any interloper from Washington and that interference from Main Justice only slows things down. But the thing with labeling plots by radical extremists part of a GLOBAL WAR ON TERROR™ is having to accept that there’s going to be a centralized approach — one sensitive to the overlapping and interlocking cases of multiple suspects in multiple districts (indeed, worldwide) — and that means respecting that the Department of Justice needs to quarterback everything. If Judge Hughes thinks a hotel room in Houston is too rich for his blood, wait until they tell him how much that Iraq thing cost.

There’s so much more in this transcript. Patel leaves the courtroom and Judge Hughes continues to kvetch about people from Washington staying home when it snows and his own confirmation hearing being held up over an agricultural bill. It’s an epic rant that helps solidify Judge Hughes as one of the loosest cannons on the bench.

(Read the full transcript on the next page…)

Earlier: Brutal Benchslap Tags DOJ Prosecutors As ‘Pretentious’ And ‘Inept’

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