The folks at McGuireWoods remain silent on the subject of raises (by design), but they have something almost as exciting in store for their associates: made-up trophies!
Because nothing says sincere appreciation like the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award For Outstanding Achievement In The Field Of Excellence.
A source at the firm reports:
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McGuireWoods is having an associate information meeting on July 18th to discuss “the Non-Equity Partnership Admissions Process and to announce the McGuireWoods Excellence Award winners.” No mention of associate salaries.
The McGuireWoods Excellence Award! While this isn’t a new invention to stave off salary pressure, announcing a meeting to figure out which associates worked so very very hard that they deserve a $40 plaque while loafers at other firms are handed $20K raises is more than a little tone-deaf. Announcing awards while associates are already grumbling that the firm trying to short them is really shining a spotlight on how your firm shows its appreciation, and it’s not a pretty picture.
Trophies are, after all, a time-honored tradition in the public sector to shower plaques on employees to justify paying them far below market. If you doubt this, step into the office of any former AUSA in your firm and check out how many office decorations say something like, “Best Prosecution of A Guy Named Tom With A Nose Piercing In 2006.” But the private sector is, ostensibly, capable of rewarding employees with a little more.
But take heart, McGuireWoods associates: if you worked really, really hard this year, you might not get paid, but you could have a nice plaque to throw on the fire to warm you through those chilly nights.
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Remember, when your firm decides to hand out arbitrary acknowledgments instead of raises, please text us (646-820-8477) or email us (subject line: “[Firm Name] Has A Good Deal At A Trophy Shop”). Please include the trophy if available. You can take a photo of the trophy and send it via text or email if you don’t want to forward the original hunk of wood or plastic.
Earlier: These Partners Desperately Don’t Want Us To Know They Aren’t Raising Salaries
Joe Patrice is an editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news.