Bar Exams, Suicide

Bar Exam Suicides Are Disturbingly Common Among Recent Law School Graduates

You are not alone. It is possible to overcome bar exam failure.

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depressed lawyerWelcome to the latest installment of The Struggle, a series where we examine the mental-health issues that students encounter during the oftentimes grueling law school experience. We are posting these stories because sometimes what law students really need is to know that they’re not alone in their pain. Sometimes what law students need is to know that they’ve got a friend who is willing to share not just in their triumphs, but also in their struggles. These are real e-mails and messages we’ve received from real readers.

If these issues resonate with you, please reach out to us. Your stories need to be heard. You can email us, text us at (646) 820-8477, or tweet us @atlblog. We will share your stories anonymously. You may be able to help a law student who needs to know that someone else has been there before and survived.

In our last installment in this series, we delivered a message from the parents of a recent law school graduate who took his own life after discovering that he’d failed the bar exam. We received a deluge of emails concerning law school graduates’ bar-exam related suicides and law school graduates’ bar-exam-related suicidal ideations. We’re publishing several of them here today to let our readers know that they are not the only ones plagued by these thoughts, and that they don’t need to resort to extreme courses of action, because it is possible to overcome bar exam failure. Your life is worth living.

Just read the story about the UC Hastings Grad who committed suicide after failing. It really resonated with me.

I too, failed the bar the first time around, and struggled to get out of a funk for a while. I remember having similar thoughts about whether or not I could go on living if I failed twice. I ended up going to a psychiatrist (in a vain attempt to get Adderall for studying) but ended up crying and pouring my heart out for an hour instead. The Doctor told me that I clearly did not have ADD, and then posed a question that really stuck with me: Have you ever failed at anything before?

It was at this point that I realized that the concept failure was new to me, as I’m sure it is to a lot of law students, who have typically been high achievers all their life. I wish I could tell Brian, or anyone else struggling with the daunting task of picking themselves back up after failing, that it really does get better. The first few days after failing the bar were undoubtedly some of the worst of my life, but they’re nothing but a faint memory at this point. People care, and people want to help. Please, talk to someone. If you are feeling sad or depressed, don’t ignore those feelings — talk to a professional. Talk to your friend. Talk to your dog. Talk to someone. Had I not gone to see the doctor, I don’t know if I would have gotten out of my funk, or if those feelings of not wanting to live would have manifested into something real. I’m thankful that I had a great support system and was able to conquer the test on the second go around. It’s hard, but it does get better. Don’t let failing win.

I’m so sad for the recent graduate and his family. I’ve been there and nearly did the same myself. I failed the bar the first time and the whole thing was a horrible experience. I knew I failed, it seems like even before I took it. Luckily my job kept me on and let me try again. My parents and friends supported me and helped me through. I studied differently and took the test again. After the first day of the test, essays, I was sure I failed again. It seemed like I had made up everything I wrote down. I cried from the time I got back to my hotel until I fell asleep. Mostly thinking about ways to kill myself and trying still to convince myself I had value even if didn’t pass. I made it through the night, barely, and I passed.

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I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate you covering the issue of suicide among people who fail the bar. I went to a small law school (the most recent entering class was about 100, mine was a little bigger) and already (I graduated in 2015) I have lost two people I went to law school with to what I believe to be bar-related suicide (one was clearly a suicide, the other is still being investigated I believe; neither specified the bar but both recently failed it according to the information I can discern).

As a profession, we really need to evaluate both whether the value we get from the bar is worth its many costs (including debt, time, and the mental health of bar-takers), and why we continue to encourage a law school model that is incentivized to graduate (or even accept) students with no real chance of passing the bar.

The story of the young man taking his own life after finding out the bar results disturbs me. We need to reform our law school system. As a law graduate of 2015, I’ve reflected over the last year what in fact it means to be a “lawyer” and the lessons learned as law students. The mentality that we are fed from day one is to succeed, no matter what it takes . And success is often defined in a linear upward path. Rarely did I have a teacher tell me that I could do something other than practice law with my law degree. I was always under the impression that it was a requirement to summer intern and become an associate or junior attorney at a firm, doing doc review for a number of years, and slowly make your way up the ladder (which all to often ends with attorneys not making partner due to firm culture anyway). However, this process is not only monotonously dreadful, but no attorney who has done so has found true happiness in the process.

We need to change that. We need to tell our law students that it’s okay to fail. It’s okay to do something else with your law degree. We need to change the dialogue because the pressure and insurmountable anxiety leaves us all in ruins. No person should have to take their own life because of the misbeliefs we’ve been fed about success. It’s okay to fail.

I did. I failed the bar exam twice. And I’ve found more success than I could have ever dreamed of. Let’s change the conversation.

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Most colleges and universities have counseling and psychological services resources that students and graduates can turn to if they are in crisis or would like counseling, even after hours. If these services are not available at your school, and if you’re depressed and in need help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) or a lawyer assistance program in your state. Remember that you are loved, so please reach out if you need assistance, before it’s too late. Don’t become a statistic — seek help.

Earlier: Recent Law School Graduate Commits Suicide After Failing Bar Exam

Staci ZaretskyStaci Zaretsky is an editor at Above the Law. She’d love to hear from you, so feel free to email her with any tips, questions, or comments. You can follow her on Twitter or connect with her on LinkedIn.

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