Biglaw

A Decade Of Sexual Harassment At The Hands Of A Biglaw Partner

What would you have done if you were in this awful situation?

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Welcome back to The Pink Ghetto, a series where we take a look at some of the most appalling stories from one of the most sexist industries in the world: the legal profession. Today, we have a story about a woman who endured a Biglaw partner’s relentless sexual harassment for a decade. These are real emails that we’ve received from real readers.

When you see things like this happening, say something. Together, we can inspire the change necessary to stop this disturbing behavior from being so prevalent in the law. We owe it to ourselves and to future generations of women in the law.

Eleven years ago, I joined a prestigious law firm right out of law school. I was newly divorced and a single mom, and I was proud that I had put myself through law school, was on law review, and had competing job offers. During my first year at the firm, I was assigned to work exclusively with this one partner, who I thought was genuinely interested in mentoring me as an associate. After traveling out of state with him to take depositions for a couple of days (my first one ever), we went to dinner one night. He kept ordering me drinks and talking about his marital problems. He said how he wished he didn’t have a wife and kids because they were so much responsibility, and he talked about how much more money he would have without them. All of this made me very uncomfortable. We left the restaurant, and instead of going back to the hotel, he insisted we go to a bar where he tried to kiss me. The funny part about this is that this man has no game. I didn’t even realize that he tried to kiss me. When I got up to leave, he said, “But wait! I just tried to kiss you.” I was horrified and said no. On the way back to the hotel, he essentially professed his love for me. I was completely shocked. I guess I should’ve paid attention to the red flag earlier in the day when he said he wanted to buy me a Louis Vuitton purse because he “just wanted me to be happy.” I declined and said I was already happy.

The next day, he asked me if I was mad, and I told him I was furious because I’m not that kind of girl. I’m not about to throw away my new career for any guy, much less this creep (and he was a very unhandsome guy with chronic bad breath that couldn’t be masked by the gallon of Axe cologne he doused on himself everyday). He refused to apologize and said he meant every word he said he night before. He was willing to leave his family! I knew “no” wasn’t enough for this guy, so I was forced to tell him that I was not attracted to him physically and then lied and said I had a boyfriend. The most incredible part is that he seriously thought I had feelings for him, too, and it never crossed his mind that I would say no. He accused me of flirting with him — for months! Not true at all, and anyone who knows me knows I am not a flirtatious person (plus, see bad breath and Axe comment above, ew!). The man made my skin CRAWL.

After we got back from that trip, he sent a long email to our managing partner praising my work ethic, work product, and professionalism. He sent me a copy of that email, too. Like any good abuser, he wanted to do something to make up for his bad acts. Even though everything in that email about my work was 100% true, it made me very sad to read it because I knew that my good work was clouded by his sexual advances. His motive in sending that email was not pure, and I deserved much better treatment.

For the next four months after that trip, he would tell me how good I looked (but would look over his shoulder first to be sure no one could hear) or how he liked what I was wearing, while creepily raising his eyebrows. I would always dismiss and redirect those unwanted comments by saying, “we don’t have time for that, so let’s talk about this case…” or something along those lines.

One weekend he insisted I go into the office on a Saturday to work – without my kid. I went into the office, but because I was suspicious of his motives, I brought my kid, much to his disappointment. Once I got my child settled in my office, I re-entered the conference room to discover that this partner had an alcoholic mixed drink waiting for me – it was 11am on a Saturday. He kept insisting I drink it, so I had to secretly pour a little out every time I left the room to grab something off the printer so that it appeared I was drinking it. I don’t know if he had something more sinister planned for that day, but I highly suspect he did. Luckily, I escaped that day without ever finding out – probably because I kept talking about my fake boyfriend! Thereafter, to my surprise, he abruptly stopped with all of his unwanted advances.

After that work weekend didn’t go his way, however, he spent the next three years retaliating against me by inundating me with incredibly unfair amounts of work with some very unrealistic timelines. When this man doesn’t get what he wants, he pitches emotional and physical fits that often involves stomping his feet, pounding the desk, and throwing objects around. And my rejection of him was no different.

For the first time, he started telling other lawyers at my firm that he questioned my capabilities or was otherwise bad mouthing me (when he had previously said I was bright and very capable). I considered reporting him. The stress was getting to me, but he was a rainmaker, and I wasn’t. Who was the firm going to believe? And even if the firm believed me, they weren’t going to get rid of this guy because he was putting money in their pockets. He was bringing in the big clients, and I was a lowly associate who had just bought a house and had a kid to feed. At some point the work was so overwhelming, but I just thought to myself, “BRING IT.” This man was trying to break me and make me quit or turn in bad work — and I WAS NOT GOING TO LET HIM. I dug in my heels, and somehow, I survived. I did report the workload issue and that he kept talking to me about his marital problems, and those issues got better. But I never reported his sexual advances.

Ten years later, and that son of a bitch just left the firm. Good riddance.

Do you have a law school or law firm story you’d like to see appear in The Pink Ghetto? Email me (subject line: “The Pink Ghetto”) or find me on Twitter, @StaciZaretsky. You will be kept anonymous. Submissions are always welcome.

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Staci ZaretskyStaci Zaretsky is a senior editor at Above the Law, where she’s worked since 2011. She’d love to hear from you, so please feel free to email her with any tips, questions, comments, or critiques. You can follow her on Twitter or connect with her on LinkedIn.

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