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Your Good Intentions Can Be Isolating: A Guide For Supporting A Mom’s Return to Work

Here are some ways you can support your co-workers and colleagues as they return to work from maternity leave.

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Ed. note: This is the latest installment in a series of posts on motherhood in the legal profession, in partnership with our friends at MothersEsquire. Welcome Stephanie Hanna to our pages.

Returning to work after maternity leave is hard.

I look back on my return to work after my first baby and wish I had given myself more grace around the whole process.  The new routine, packing what felt like a zillion bags each morning, daycare drop off, remembering to tell the caregiver what time the baby woke up and ate, and finally making it to the office a mere four hours after waking up — felt like a job by itself.  Not to mention navigating a new body, managing meetings around my pumping schedule, and fielding questions about what it’s like to leave your baby with a stranger — it was no easy feat.

One of the things I was looking forward to, however, was diving back into my work and extra-curriculars — sitting on panels, presenting to groups, and organizing events.  But the invitations and opportunities that were too many to count before I had my child now seemed to come to a halt.  No more early morning and evening speaking opportunities or invitations to events that used to fill my calendar.

I felt this from my colleagues and organizations I routinely interacted with.  Looking back, I recognize it was very well-intentioned.  People did not want to “bother” me with evening or early morning commitments because I was probably occupied with my child.  While this may have seemed like the polite thing to do, it was very isolating.

Here are some ways you can support your co-workers and colleagues as they return to work from maternity leave.

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  1. Ask, Ask, Ask

Instead of assuming a new mom doesn’t want the big project, the travel assignment, or the late-night event, ask her.  Removing the stigma from maternity leave and returning to work starts with candid conversations about each person’s expectations and goals.  This is such a personal thing that can’t be guessed, assumed, or derived from someone else’s experience.

Not sure what to say?  Here are some ideas:

“There’s a project coming up that requires three nights in Chicago.  Is that a project you’re comfortable taking on?  Feel free to think about it until tomorrow and let me know.”

“There’s an early morning pitch we need to make to a client next month.  Are you interested in being a part of it?  Think about it and let me know tomorrow.”

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Stating the project and requirements, then following it up with a question and time to formulate an answer can go a long way toward building rapport, establishing trust, and improving morale.

  1. Give Options

Be mindful of the many things a new mother is learning to manage when returning to work.  Things such as child care drop off and pick up and a pumping schedule require some flexibility — but are not impossible to navigate.  When possible, give options to attend part of an event or leave early if needed.  An all or nothing approach doesn’t serve anyone well, including your organization.

Not sure what to say?  Here are some ideas:

“We have an early meeting next week that starts at 8 a.m.  The important part that I’d like you here for is at 8:30 a.m.  Would that work with your schedule?”

“Are you able to represent us at this client happy hour?  If you could stay for just 30 minutes and say hi to Joe and Sally, I’d really appreciate it.”

  1. Be Clear

If a certain activity is not mandatory, be sure to say so.  There is immense pressure to juggle everything and having a clear idea if something is mandatory or not can go a long way to help a new mom prioritize.

Not sure what to say?  Here are some ideas:

“There’s a client dinner next week that I’d love for you to be a part of if your schedule allows but I want you to know that it’s not mandatory.”

“There’s a breakfast next week that I’d like you to take the lead on.  I think giving you the chance to shine in front of this client is important.”

Most importantly, remember that empathy and compassion go a long way.  These are not permanent adjustments that require a structural overhaul, they are simple gestures of inclusivity that make you a stronger leader and help retain great talent.

Earlier: Mothers At Law: Achieving Meaningful Success In The Legal Profession

Stephanie Hanna is an attorney and founder of The Other 85, a company dedicated to helping attorneys take the work out of networking, build their reputations, and confidently develop their careers.  The Other 85 is based on the fact that only 15 percent of job success comes from the technical skills — and Stephanie helps you master The Other 85 through individual and small group coaching, and workshops.  She is a wife, mom, and step-mom.  You can email her atstephanie@theother85.net, connect with her on LinkedIn, and follow her on Twitter and Instagram.

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