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Alan Dershowitz Says He Has A 'Perfect Sex Life,' Answering The Question Literally No One Asked

This guy is the gift that keeps on giving.

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(Photo by John Lamparski/Getty Images for Hulu)

Just when you thought hearing about Alan Dershowitz talk about his underwear was the nadir, the man manages to show us more. Speaking with Laura Ingraham last night, the Harvard Law legend who finds himself waist-deep in the Jeffrey Epstein scandal told us all about his “perfect, perfect sex life during the relevant period of time.”

To recap, Dershowitz helped his self-described friend Jeffrey Epstein get a sweetheart deal from Alex Acosta. Over the years, a number of girls trafficked by Epstein have claimed that they were ordered to have sex with Dershowitz. Dershowitz claims these are all lies from women looking to get rich quick and is so confident in his innocence he challenged them to sue him. So they sued him. He’s since argued that they have no basis to sue him.

But while he’s reticent to have the case heard in a courtroom, he’s aggressively hoping to litigate it on Fox News, where he keeps making appearances to make increasingly bold — and at times curious — claims about the case. He’s told us he only got massages from “old Russian ladies” while wearing his underwear and that the women who accuse him must be liars because they claim that Bill Clinton might be a sex fiend. And that’s just crazy talk!

Last night, he spelled out for Ingraham the conspiracy that he alleges in his motion to disqualify: that David Boies is using Epstein’s victims in an elaborate plot to blackmail Dershowitz. It’s a theory that reached bonkers new levels last night as Dershowitz proclaimed that he’s only had sex with his wife — “during the relevant period of time” he bizarrely adds — and then accuses Boies of being some kind of hedonistic lothario.

If you’re wondering what that accusation could possibly have to do with the case, the answer might be Dershowitz’s fixation on getting Boies disqualified as a “fact witness” — a strategy that Dershowitz himself is contriving by arguing that Boies is out to get him in a case that is really a straightforward defamation claim about Dershowitz calling these women fraudsters on national television. The whole thing smacks of “see, I potentially defamed him and now he has to testify in his own defense so he’s a fact witness” which is… not how any this works.

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Since when did the phrase “I cannot comment on ongoing litigation” go out of style? Most defendants in this situation — if they went on TV to talk about it at all — would limit their comments to, “it’s not true, the whole situation is very sad and unfortunate, but I can confirm that these allegations aren’t true” and move on. But something in Dershowitz’s core prevents him from seeing discretion as the better part of valor. Why calmly state your innocence when you can call your accusers “tainted” liars? Why say “we look forward to litigating this” when you can suggest the attorneys across the table are extortionists?

It’s a real problem for him, but one that this website, for one, hopes he never addresses because he really is the gift that keeps on giving.

In some ways, Dershowitz is the tragic Greek hero of the Trumpian moment. His tenacious refusal to keep from doubling down on whatever questionable statement he made last time makes him the ideal mouthpiece for a worldview founded on no apologies and pugnacious rhetoric, but it’s also what keeps him building a public record of statements that keep coming around and biting him in the ass.

Like, for instance, demanding to be sued in the first place.

Alan Dershowitz touts his ‘perfect sex life’ in feud with Epstein accuser’s lawyer [Washington Examiner]

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Earlier: Dershowitz’s Motion To Disqualify Boies Schiller Immediately Dumped For Hilarious Reason
Harvard Law School’s Dershowitz Moves To Disqualify Boies Schiller In Sex Trafficking Case
Dershowitz Wanted A Trial Over Sex Trafficking Accusations — He’s Getting One
Some (Tentative) Good News For Alan Dershowitz… And Some More Bad News
I Just Had To Think About Alan Dershowitz’s Underwear And Now So Do You
Alan Dershowitz Says He Thinks He Should’ve Gotten Epstein A BETTER Deal In Wild Doubling-Down Interview
After Publicly Demanding His Accusers Sue Him, Dershowitz Is Arguing That His Accusers Have No Basis To Sue Him

HeadshotJoe Patrice is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe also serves as a Managing Director at RPN Executive Search.

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