Legal Ethics

Spicing Up Zoom Client Meeting With Oral Sex

Partner apparently fired after video surfaces.

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Well, Jeffrey Toobin… you have some company.

After the confusingly famed legal analyst finally got jerked from his perch at the New Yorker after allegedly masturbating during a staff Zoom meeting, it seemed that he’d taken the genre of Zoom unprofessionalism soaring to unconquerable heights. Toobin’s downfall came… presumably… during a New Yorker staff “simulation” of the 2020 election where Toobin was roleplaying the courts. Watching the judiciary’s reaction to the steady stream of post-election lawsuits from Giuliani, Ellis, and Powell, one wonders if Toobin was actually playing his role quite well.

But 2020 refuses to be defeated and saw Toobin’s wild exit as mere inspiration for the next chapter. What about a law firm partner apparently getting oral sex under her desk during a client meeting? Sure!

Details are a little sketchy, but a Florida firm has dismissed a partner[1]
who was acting as general counsel to a Home Owners’ Association after a Zoom recording of a recent meeting captured her seemingly having quite the time during the client’s meeting.

Attending HOA meetings must be one of the most insufferable tasks for an attorney. Hours of listening to an army of Karens complain about someone’s hedges and quibbling about rules that could make minorities feel as uncomfortable and intimidated as possible. It’s the natural habitat of folks like the McCloskeys, who sued their community to keep gay people out enforce a “neutral” association rule that just happened to keep gay people out. Sitting through other people’s banal animosities sounds like the 8th circle of legal hell.[2]

It begins with someone crawling into the frame… whoever edited this video helpfully put blood red text guidance for some reason:

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Now you can see some jeans disappearing under the desk:

The facial blur we’ve got going obscures what happens next, but the next several minutes involve some faces that match up nicely with what we’re all suspecting happened next.

Eventually, she decides to attend to something with her left hand. Or right hand depending on whether or not she’s using the mirroring function. That hand will be engaged below deck for a bit.

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She even leans into it at one point. It’s hard to tell without video here, but it seems as though she might have an old-timey well underneath her desk that she’s priming.

But like a complete champ, when she’s called upon she rolls right into her legal presentation briefing the call about some new draft rules. Obviously having sex during meetings is professionally frowned upon, but give that woman a prize for keeping her head and turning in a bravura performance when she had to. She knew 90 percent of this meeting had nothing to do with her and she just needed to keep herself awake until she could do her thing.

Still. Just download Minesweeper or something.

Earlier: Jeffrey Toobin Makes A Great Poi–OH MY GOD, HIS DICK’S OUT!!!

[1] We’ve been filled in on the firm and partner involved but we’re not going to get into naming them. Mostly because it takes two to Zoom call tango and it feels icky to pillory the woman involved in something while the other participant skates by anonymously. Yes, she was the only one here — presumably — that had professional obligations to the client, but it’s still not a place where we feel good about singling her out.

[2] The 9th, of course, is just Roy Cohn biting the heads off anyone who unironically used the phrase “original public meaning.”

HeadshotJoe Patrice is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe also serves as a Managing Director at RPN Executive Search.

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