It's A MAGA Crazy-Off: Lindell Versus Powell

Look out SCOTUS, the Pillow Man is comin' at ya!

It’s always banapants crazytown over in MAGA land, where John Eastman’s creative legal stylings are far from the wackiest theories being floated to millions of Americans who actually believe this shit.

But yesterday was a particularly wild one for law talkin’ on Team Trump, with Pillow Fluffer Mike Lindell and Kraken lawyer Sidney Powell seemingly battling for that crazy crown.

Who gets that loony tunes tiara? You be the judge.

First up: Is the MyPillow guy having a MyBreakdown?

Lindell’s many promises that the Supreme Court would descend like a pack of avenging angels and restore Trump to the throne after witnessing his cyber symposium in August have come to naught. But fear not, brave patriots, because during his weekly scream therapy session with Steve Bannon, Lindell announced that Thanksgiving is the new real date. For serious this time.

After my cyber symposium, Steve, which all 50 states were present, the media went completely Fox. I call it going Fox on me. Nobody talked to me. They went completely south, okay? They went in their Fox holes, like Fox. Shame on you, Fox! They have cost our country so much!

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Look, he’s getting there. He has stuff to work through.

Well guess what, I got news for everybody. Right now, just yesterday, we are taking this case to the Supreme Court before Thanksgiving. Now maybe Fox will report that today. You heard it here first! Our case is ready, we are bringing it to the Supreme Court.

Guess who’s coming to dinner, Mrs. Justice Roberts!

There’s many, many states. I’m not going to sit here — the leftwing media will be calling me up, ‘Who’s all on board?’ You know, by the time I’m done, I’m hoping all 50 states are on board, ’cause we want our country back. And we’re getting it back! This evidence is 100 percent non-subjective evidence, and that Supreme Court, they’re gonna vote nine-nothing to take it in.

Apparently he found a state attorney general — or, hell, why not 50 of ’em? — to sign on to his doomed lawsuit hoping to trigger the Supreme Court’s original jurisdiction. And even though his own cyber experts called his evidence a “turd,” he’s sure that all the liberal justices will be wowed and make space for it during the upcoming term. You bet!

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Next up: Sidney Powell with Clinton Body Count 2, Demented Boogaloo.

“It’s organized, it’s well-funded, it’s pure evil,” the former federal prosecutor told Trump-loving Pastor Andrew Womack. “They are willing to kill people, à la Kelly Loeffler’s aide in Georgia, who was suddenly blown up in his car on the way to a rally for her.”

Wait, what?

“He happened to be dating Gov. Kemp’s daughter. Gov. Kemp was considering, I think at that point, a signature audit,” she continued. “And then the Georgia Bureau of Investigation agent who was investigating, he was the lead investigator, was suddenly dead within a week. And suddenly we don’t hear anything else about any of that.”

UH HUH.

Look, the important thing to understand here is that literally none of that is true. Harrison Deal, a 20-year-old staffer on Kelly Loeffler’s campaign was killed in a tragic car accident on December 4. And, okay, yes, he does seem to have been dating one of Kemp’s daughters. (Good on ya, Sid, you got one!)

A week later, Special Agent James O’Sullivan, of Georgia Bureau of Investigation died, leaving behind a wife and two children. But those two tragic events were entirely unrelated, and no one at the GBI was investigating the accident.

In April, the District Attorney’s Office for Chatham County presented a grand jury indictment for the driver of the flatbed truck which allegedly caused the accident. And in fact the Secretary of State did undertake an audit of signatures in Cobb County, Georgia, which confirmed on December 29 that there was no fraud.

How do you get something that spectacularly wrong? How do you justify dragging two bereaved families into your conspiracy theories? It’s positively ghoulish.

For sheer recklessness, Powell’s beats Lindell out by a hair and is elected Mayor of Crazytown, at least for the day.

Slowest of slow claps for today’s big winner.


Elizabeth Dye lives in Baltimore where she writes about law and politics.