Government

It’s Thanksgiving At SCOTUS, And Mike Lindell Is Bringing Word Salad With Crazy Dressing

Just in time to kick off the holiday shopping season.

By Liz Dye on November 08, 2021 4:16 pm

(Photo by JIM WATSON/AFP via Getty Images)

Happy Thanksgiving, Chief Justice Roberts! The Pillow Man is promising to pay you a personal visit on November 23, after he meets with whichever state attorneys general are craven enough to sign onto a batshit crazy lawsuit claiming the China stole the election for Biden. So get ready for some extra holiday cheer.

For months, the Pillow Pumper has been promising to come up with one or more state AGs willing to appear as plaintiff, triggering the Supreme Court’s original jurisdiction for his Chinese router–packet capture–non-existent IP address complaint. And now HuffPost is reporting, that Lindell has “tons” of takers for his supposedly interstate lawsuit, although he can’t say who for fear of “attacks” by the media.

“I’m not going to give you their names! Are you kidding?” he said.

But never fear, because we’ll find out who (cough, cough Ken Paxton) soon enough. According to HuffPo, Lindell and the state lawyers will meet for a signing party in DC on the morning of the 23rd, after which Lindell will personally march it down to the Supreme Court to be docketed at 9am. No, Lindell is not a member of the Supreme Court bar, or any bar, but surely this will all work out fine.

“I really think they’re going to accept it 9-0,” he told journalist S.V. Date. “It will require a new election across the board…. Declare the 2020 vote void and order new elections across the board.”

Longtime court watchers will note that SCOTUS already took a pass on this in December when Texas AG Paxton sued Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Georgia. Seven Justices tossed the clinker, refusing the request to file a bill of complaint with the brief comment that “Texas has not demonstrated a judicially cognizable interest in the manner in which another State conducts its elections.” Even Alito and Thomas, who believe that the Supreme Court’s jurisdiction is non-discretionary, said Paxton should be able to dump his papers on the clerk, but that they wouldn’t grant him further relief.

But perhaps Lindell is a more canny salesman than Paxton. Maybe a mustachioed pillow CEO shouting about Chinese thermostats and hacked routers will finally convince the justices to give Trump a mulligan.

Over at Salon, indefatigable wingwatcher Zachary Petrizzo confirms that Lindell is indeed planning a pre-Thanksgiving field trip to SCOTUS. He’s also programming a 72- or possibly 96-hour broadcast, starting the Wednesday before Thanksgiving to gin up support for his efforts, during which he will not be sleeping. Buy a pillow on Black Friday, patriots!

And you thought your holiday table was crazy.

But on the off chance that SCOTUS doesn’t accept this petition, Mike Lindell has a Plan B.

Look out All The Machines, Mike Lindell is coming for you!

Pillow Guy Who Promised ‘Reinstatement’ Of Trump Is Planning A Black Friday Stunt [HuffPost]
Mike Lindell still hopes Supreme Court will hear case this month — and he’s a maybe on martial law [Salon]

Elizabeth Dye lives in Baltimore where she writes about law and politics.