Government

Love Unrequited On Valentine's Day? The Justice Department Has Some Just Deserts

Celebrating the holiday this way is definitely grounds for a break-up.

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Gavel surrounded by red hearts, isolated on white, concept of legal action for divorce.The Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms (ATF) division of the Justice Department is inviting people to send love to their exes in the most “He’s broke, I’m up” way possible on this blessed Valentine’s Day.

As a person who openly classifies Law and Order as copaganda even I can admit this is pretty funny. Not funny in that haha way, but funny in that you’ve got to respect a government that openly turns a holiday about love into an opportunity to revenge arrest past lovers. My heart sang with joy when I got to see a very strong “This you?” post directly under the ATF’s cute call for snitchery.

For you happy couples out there celebrating today, I am so happy for you. I pray that you cherish this togetherness in your cute little homes with white picket fences and vintage Pyrex. To the folks who are alone and fine by themselves and totally not bitter, join me in listening to Trilogy by The Weeknd on repeat.

…Maybe I will use the ATF hotline.

ATF: Help Us Give Your Law-Breaking Ex ‘A Valentine’s Day to Remember!’ [CNS News]

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Chris Williams became a social media manager and assistant editor for Above the Law in June 2021. Prior to joining the staff, he moonlighted as a minor Memelord™ in the Facebook group Law School Memes for Edgy T14s.  He endured Missouri long enough to graduate from Washington University in St. Louis School of Law. He is a former boatbuilder who cannot swim, a published author on critical race theory, philosophy, and humor, and has a love for cycling that occasionally annoys his peers. You can reach him by email at cwilliams@abovethelaw.com and by tweet at @WritesForRent.

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