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We’ve been through two rounds of our quest to determine the most disgraced lawyer in Trumpland and we’ve whittled our way down to a final eight. We’ve lost 24 excellently ignominious esquires over the course of the balloting so far. But to all those we’ve lost, just remember, it’s not that you aren’t a disgrace to the profession, it’s just that some people were even worse.
For anyone joining us late in the competition, check out the first and second rounds to gather keen insights into exactly how we got here and learn a little bit more about the remaining contenders.
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In any event, here’s what our bracket looks like right now:
This sets up the following clashes:
PERSONAL REGION
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(1) Rudy Giuliani v. (2) Jenna Ellis
Borat’s favorite lawyer continues to live up to his high seeding, blasting past the Capitol riot’s legal strategist John Eastman. His matchup, Jenna Ellis, faced a much stiffer challenge fending off Cleta Mitchell. Personally, I thought Cleta would pull it off — I feel like blowing up a Biglaw career is way worse than elevating yourself from a failed traffic lawyer, but here we are. Let’s revisit our original writeups of these two:
(1) Rudy Giuliani: No confusion over the top overall seed for the tournament. Giuliani entered the Trump years with an impressive — if perhaps overblown — resume as a successful U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York but by the end it felt like he might have just been from U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York Total Landscaping. He leaked oil. He farted. He set off a riot at the Capitol. He did… whatever he did in the Borat movie. And then Trump reportedly stiffed him on legal fees. Oh, and he’s neck deep in the effort to extort Ukrainian President Zelensky which seems extra bad right now.
(2) Jenna Ellis: Ellis may have been a traffic court reject, but that didn’t stop her from branding herself a “Doctor” and working her way into Trump’s inner circle. Ellis kicked off the Big Lie strategy with a nutty memo about Mike Pence throwing the election to the House and tried to explain to real lawyer Ari Melber how the Supreme Court works.
GOVERNMENT REGION
(1) Bill Barr v. (2) Jeffrey Clark
The former attorney general and the man who tried to replace the guy who replaced him. Confused? So was the Justice Department for 4 years. Here’s what we said of these two in our opening bracket.
(1) Bill Barr: The former U.S. Attorney General has a new book out where he wants you to know that he tried very, very hard to stop Donald Trump and you all just didn’t notice in between him enabling Donald Trump at every conceivable turn. OBVIOUSLY, the washed up hack who auditioned for the job by spreading conspiracy theories about Hillary Clinton pushing shady uranium deals had the utmost respect for the sanctity of the office. The faculty of his law school wanted to strip him of his honorary degree. His HIGH SCHOOL wanted nothing to do with him. And now he wants a cookie for resigning right before he actually needed to take a stand.
(2) Jeffrey Clark: It’s hard to say what Jeffrey Clark did at the Department of Justice because he’s already on record that discussing his tenure there would incriminate him. What we do know is that the former acting head of the Justice Department’s Civil Division concocted a plot to get the election overturned by asserting phantom voter fraud cases. When this proved too crazy for even his bosses, Clark seemingly attempted an end run around his superiors by convincing Trump to make him the new acting AG. You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.
KRAKEN REGION
(1) Sidney Powell v. (2) Lin Wood
It was always going to end this way wasn’t it? The twin heads of the Kraken — did the Kraken have two heads? No, right? Whatever — squaring off to claim the regional title. The prize is an Italian Space Laser. Here’s what we wrote about these two from the beginning.
(1) Sidney Powell: It wasn’t all that long ago that Above the Law founder David Lat would sit down with Powell for genial discussions about her book. Now she is the leader of the Kraken movement, named after her decision to quote 1980s Harry Hamlin vehicle Clash of the Titans (specifically Laurence Olivier’s very hammy reading of the line “Release the Kraken“) to describe the wave of voter fraud suits that promised to restore Trump to the White House. They did not. But they did earn her some sanctions! And a $1.3B lawsuit! And she raised a lot of money for the cause… which the feds are interested in hearing more about.
(2) Lin Wood: Of all the terrible Kraken arguments, claiming that legal ethics can’t attach if a lawyer merely puts their name on a filing but doesn’t sign it may well take the cake. Powell and Wood tried that one in Michigan. Georgia wants him evaluated. Social media shunned him after he started making noise about a vast John Roberts conspiracy and talking up Pence and firing squads. And after ranting and raving about illegal voting, Wood is the one who ended up getting investigated for illegal voting. Isn’t it ironic? Cue the Alanis!
IMPEACHMENT REGION
(1) Alan Dershowitz v. (2) Jay Sekulow
Gotta say, the Dershowitz/Graham battle was exciting to watch. They went back and forth, I think fueled by people watching Lindsey Graham beclown himself in the Ketanji Brown Jackson hearings and then Dershowitz would swoop in and remind people that he’s out there. Ultimately, Dersh prevailed. He’ll take on Sekulow, arguably the worst of Trump’s lawyers, though the one who managed to do most of his damage behind the scenes.
(1) Alan Dershowitz: Dershowitz threw his rapidly waning intellectual heft into Trump’s impeachment defense and then he decided to help MyPillow-stuffin’-for-brains Mike Lindell with his wacky claims. He’s gone so around the bend for his boy Trump that he’s making up legal theories that even Fox laughs at. Jeffrey Toobin, in a heartfelt moment, told Dershowitz “this is not who you used to be,” on live television and believe me when I say it’s a big deal when Toobin is the rational actor in a room — or a Zoom room. There’s a bunch of Jeffrey Epstein stuff too but we don’t even need to get into that here. And Dersh pissed off Larry David which means I can honestly say Larry and I have something in common.
(2) Jay Sekulow: There’s an argument that Jay Sekulow is the ultimate Trump lawyer. He’s got a multimillion dollar charity that raises ethical eyebrows. So does Trump! He claims to be a master of his profession, but a lot of observers think he’s just a charlatan. Just like Trump! It’s pretty clear he has no clue what he’s doing. Just like… well you get the idea.
Voting closes Sunday at 11:59:59 p.m. Eastern. We’ll check back in with our next round on Monday morning.
Earlier: Which Trump Lawyer Is The Biggest Disgrace: A Bracket
Trump Lawyer Challenge Enters Stupid 16: Who Will Be Crowned The Biggest Embarrassment?
Joe Patrice is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe also serves as a Managing Director at RPN Executive Search.