How Car Sex Made A Multimillionaire

The last time I had sex in a company vehicle, all I got was a termination letter!

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Talk about an expensive date.

When most people ask if you have protection, you’d expect Trojan. This time, the answer was Geico.

A Missouri woman was awarded $5.2 million in a settlement from insurance company GEICO after contracting a sexually transmitted disease from her partner in his vehicle, which was insured by the company, court documents show. The Missouri Court of Appeals upheld that award this week.

In February 2021, the woman — anonymously identified in documents as M.O. — submitted a petition to GEICO directly. She alleged that her sexual partner negligently caused or “contributed to cause to be infected with HPV by not taking proper precautions and neglecting to inform and/or disclose his diagnosis,” according to court documents, and that his “insurance policy provided coverage for her injuries and losses.”

She made a final settlement offer of $1 million to resolve her claims, the documents say. …

The arbitrator subsequently submitted that $5.2 million would fairly compensate the woman for damages and injuries. GEICO then appealed the Jackson County Circuit Court’s confirmation of the arbitration award, asserting that the court didn’t give GEICO “a meaningful opportunity to defend its interests,” the filing stated.

The three-judge panel responsible for reviewing the appeal confirmed the circuit court’s settlement decision of $5.2 million, despite GEICO’s appeal efforts, according to Tuesday’s filing.

This is usually the part where I give some insightful or deep-cutting analysis with the occasional hyperlink sprinkled through. However, this scenario is pretty much on the tin and its pretty funny to boot.  In lieu of belabored thought, I present to you the editorial staff’s immediate impressions of this story.

Joe Patrice: We probably should cover this GEICO HPV decision…You’re responsible for all the damage [your] “little Gecko” causes.

Sponsored

Chris Williams: Willing to make 15% or more on HPV?
Joe Patrice: Too bad they didn’t keep it in good hands with Allstate.

Sponsored

Staci Zaretsky: hahahahaha
Kathryn Rubino: hahahahaha
You come to us for the cutting-edge events in the legal community and we are happy to deliver. Till next time.

Geico Ordered To Pay Missouri Woman $5.2 Million After She Contracted STD In A Car [CNN]


Chris Williams became a social media manager and assistant editor for Above the Law in June 2021. Prior to joining the staff, he moonlighted as a minor Memelord™ in the Facebook group Law School Memes for Edgy T14s.  He endured Missouri long enough to graduate from Washington University in St. Louis School of Law. He is a former boatbuilder who cannot swim, a published author on critical race theory, philosophy, and humor, and has a love for cycling that occasionally annoys his peers. You can reach him by email at cwilliams@abovethelaw.com and by tweet at @WritesForRent.