Federal Judge Weeps For Poor Defenseless Federalist Society, Ruthlessly Bullied By Legal Bloggers
Sorry, not sorry.
(via YouTube)
Judge William Pryor of the Eleventh Circuit kicked off the Federalist Society’s annual conference this morning at the Mayflower Hotel in DC and set the tone for the three-day celebration of the group’s 40 years of existence.
Four minutes about the group’s history and 16 minutes whining about all the negative publicity FedSoc gets.
Early Adopters Of Legal AI Gaining Competitive Edge In Marketplace
Roughly 20% empty platitudes and 80% grievances. That’s definitely the right tone for FedSoc!
There were definitely laughs. Like when Judge Pryor introduced a passage by “intellectual luminary, Elie MIST-el” ginning up the crowd with the double-whammy of casually undermining a Black double Harvard grad’s academic accomplishments while mispronouncing his name. HILARIOUS!
After the laughs settled down, Judge Pryor quoted Mystal, “Usually, FedSoc is able to operate in relative anonymity, quietly working to destroy the equal protection rights of women and minorities.”
Sponsored
Is The Future Of Law Distributed? Lessons From The Tech Adoption Curve
Navigating Financial Success by Avoiding Common Pitfalls and Maximizing Firm Performance
The Business Case For AI At Your Law Firm
The Business Case For AI At Your Law Firm
Quite the allegation. Judge Pryor retorts by… just moving on.
This becomes a trend throughout the remarks. Pryor quotes someone explaining some awful aspect of the Federalist Society and then glides right on by. No attempt at refutation at all, just a bunch of disjointed observations. Like, hey, check it out, this writer said that Leonard Leo gets millions in dark money donations. ANYWAY…! Is the implication that this isn’t true? (It is.) Or that it shouldn’t matter? The speech walks a confusing line between implying that the critics are crazy, but also everything they’re saying is true and we’re proud of it.
As comedy stylings go, Pryor’s whole bit comes off like an Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer sketch. “I’m just a simple conservative legal movement partisan. I joined FedSoc and one day leveraged that into a federal judgeship. When people point out that our organization actively seeks out nominees who publicly seethe at the idea of Brown v. Board, I don’t even understand what that means. I’m frightened and confused when they say our membership exists to eat Chick-fil-A and bully marginalized people.” And so on.
Pryor continues:
If you’re new to the federalist society or find its mission statement obscure, worry not, one of the great journalists of our time at a venerable institution for investigative journalism, I speak, of course, of Joe Patrice at Above the Law.
Sponsored
Legal AI: 3 Steps Law Firms Should Take Now
Early Adopters Of Legal AI Gaining Competitive Edge In Marketplace
Awesome. Let’s see what role I’ve played in hurting precious FedSoc feelings.
Apparently it goes back to when I “distilled the work of the Society into three steps” here. Pryor goes on:
First, “lay the pseudo-academic table for the MAGA movement.” Whatever that means.
Yeah, that’s a tough nut to crack, Bill.
Second, “recruit students to indulge their most trollish impulses while placing them on greased rails to the federal bench…” that sounds painful… “regardless of actual qualifications.”
Um… yeah, no comment.
Also, Pryor does not quote the clause where I note “like mocking sexual assault” probably because that would get a little too real… what with it being a damaging accusation backed up with a link to documented FedSoc behavior.
And third, now most of all, this most important of all, this is key “serve Chick-fil-A.”
That line killed with the audience. Pryor owes me for writing something more entertaining than all the rest of his speech.
Judge Pryor chases this by going after Kathryn Rubino for this article, belittling her assertion that “ideological purity and pursuit of a far right agenda is the single most important bona fide for GOP judicial nominees” as opposed to getting good grades and building a sterling career in legal practice. Apparently, Pryor forgets that Trump put an associate on the bench.
And no less an authority than Mark Joseph Stern, and really is there less of an authority?
Oh, what a knee-slapper!
The Federalist Society is on top of the world right now. Its members occupy every level of the federal judiciary, the halls of Congress, state offices across the country, and sit ready to roll into the Department of Justice as soon as their 6-3 Supreme Court majority affirms the independent state legislature theory and effectively cancels presidential elections.
Alas, FedSoc is super sad, you guys! No one wants to invite them to parties anymore and it’s all the fault of big meanies at Above the Law and other outlets.
What a collection of preppie snowflakes.
Joe Patrice is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe also serves as a Managing Director at RPN Executive Search.
