Government

State Of The Union Drinking Game: Extreme Lawyer Edition 2023

Something to distract you from the horror of a crumbling Republic.

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(Photo by Susan Sterner, Public Domain)

It’s time again for the State of the Union, where President Joe Biden will lay out his vision for a bland, but generally prosperous, pandemic-less, free world and Republicans will boo jobs as inflation, vaccines as a government microchipping plot, and Ukraine for daring to stand in Putin’s way.

Totally healthy country!

Unless otherwise noted, take a sip whenever these come up….

Every Absent Supreme Court Justice: The Supreme Court has a 6-3 conservative majority, so how many are going to boycott Biden like he’s a Yale Law clerk. Justice Alito has made a public show of his disinterest in the speech, though that may reflect the embarrassment he brought upon himself the last time he showed up. Who are we kidding? Alito has no shame.

Supreme Court Reform: Joe Biden entered office pledging to take a hard look at Supreme Court reform. And then he set up a commission to make sure no one ever does anything. But last Term had a way of radicalizing folks. If he uncorks a term limits proposal, take a sip. If he brings up expansion, finish your drink. If he suggests another commission, pour out your drink, punch yourself in the face.

Namechecking Supreme Court Cases: Roe? Dobbs? Pennoyer v. Neff?

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Qualified Immunity: The Tyre Nichols family is in attendance tonight so Biden will likely address police brutality. Could he do Justice Thomas a solid and back the conservative’s efforts to get the Supreme Court to turn its back on qualified immunity? Probably not.

Mentions any Amendment: The Second Amendment now protects gun rights for domestic abusers. The First Amendment apparently bars private protests. The Thirteenth Amendment may or may not cover abortion. So many options!

Proposes an Amendment: Finish your drink for a renewed Equal Rights Amendment (or any other new amendment).

Brings Classified Documents to the Podium: These things are literally everywhere!

Brings Hunter Biden’s Laptop to the Podium: Finish drink, take genital pic.

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Department of Justice/Merrick Garland: Seriously though, there’s swagger potential in applauding the Justice Department for investigating the mishandling of classified documents without fear or favor. Take two sips for the words “fear or favor.”

Up, Up, And Away, In My Beautiful (Spy) Balloon!!!: The only byproduct of inflation this administration wants to talk about, amiright? On that note, any time anyone during the coverage pretends the Avian Flu massacre of hens in this country is “inflation,” there’s no need to drink, just know that I’m personally dying a little on the inside.

Full Standing Ovation: Can both parties come together to applaud anything? You’d think you could get everyone together on defending the free world, but Putin has too many Russian useful idiots in the chamber. Maybe the spy balloon? That could be a double whammy.

Commentator Refers to the State of the Union as “Constitutionally Required”: Kind of being a know-it-all, but OK. Two sips here.

Commentator Notes that “the President Doesn’t Actually Need to Give a Speech”: Finish your drink. Lousy gunner.

When the Speech Hits One Hour and then Every Ten Minutes Until It Ends: These speeches don’t have to last an hour. And yet…

At least you can have a party with it.

HeadshotJoe Patrice is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe also serves as a Managing Director at RPN Executive Search.

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