The Kardashian Sisters

It’s been more than a year since we’ve written about Jonathan Lee Riches, and in that time, the man with the most astounding litigious legacy on record was released from prison on April 30, 2012. In case you’re not familiar with him, Riches has sued thousands of people (and places, and also things) — from Eliot Spitzer to Molly Ringwald to Jared Lee Loughner.

And if you thought that the Patrick Ewing of Suing would cease and desist once he was released from prison, then you were dead wrong. According to his various Facebook pages, he intends to “flood the universe with more lawsuits.” Now that he’s out of the pokey and has computer access, you can count on many more entertaining filings from him.

One of his latest lawsuits has already hit the papers, and we don’t see why the targets of his affections would want to dismiss the case — after all, they’re some of the most fame-hungry people on the planet (sorry Gloria Allred). We’re talking about the KKK Kardashian Klan, which consists of Khloe, Kourtney, and Kim.

What kind of wild allegations has Riches made against the woman with whom he claims he’s had a “relationship off and on since 2002″?

We should start off by mentioning that this suit was filed pseudonymously by Riches as Gino Romano, “personal body guard and agent/best friend/confederate/butler/financial advisor/and landscapper for the infamous Jonathan Lee Riches.” And it seems that Riches decided to spill the beans on the real reason why he was incarcerated — he claims that it was all Kim Kardashian’s fault:

And here the male population of America thought that Kim’s curves were all real — but that won’t stop them from making daily withdrawals from their spank banks.

Getting back to our Pro Se Filing of the Day, in order to keep Riches from spilling the beans, he alleges that the Kardashians have launched a non-stop reign of “jihad/torture” against him. Of course, we’d argue that the Kardashians’ “jihad” was launched upon America as a whole, but their Nielsen ratings might state otherwise.

Even Lamar Odom was supposedly in on it, and was willing to “stuff a basketball in Riches['s] throat.” Hey, the man needs something to do now that he’s been cut from the Mavs. But wait till you see what Riches claims these evil reality TV banshees have done to him:

Sigh. It’s always the big one who’s stealing the Whopper.

We wish our favorite pro se litigant the best of luck in his case against the KKK Klan. Hell, maybe he’ll even get back together with Kim some day, and enter a marriage that can’t be measured in Kardashians.

Jonathan Lee Riches (a.k.a. Gino Romano) v. The Kardashians: Complaint [U.S. District Court, M.D. Tenn.]
Nashville suit seeks to stop Kim Kardashian’s reign of ‘jihad/torture’ [Nashville City Paper]


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