* Not going anywhere for a while? Try a Snickers. Just don’t try to write it off as a business expense. [TaxProf Blog]
* Toilet cameras involve moral turpitude. This is an opinion that needed to be written. [Legal Profession Blog]
* Police decline to charge Dwight Howard with child abuse. He’d allegedly punished his child with his belt, which is nowhere near as bad as letting them walk outside alone (if you listen to Elie’s rants). [ESPN]
* There’s no bar exam too small for his analysis: North Dakota’s February results. [Bar Exam Stats]
* A look back at the Lincoln assassination 150 years later. Something like this would never happen today — probably because Lincoln would still be on the waiting list for Book of Mormon. [Constitutional Accountability Center]
* I knew SeaWorld was in trouble when I saw a glossy commercial during primetime television explaining how great they are. And my instincts were right — they’ve been hit with three salacious lawsuits in a month. [The Dodo]
* Oh, the things you learn from lawsuits! Find out exactly how the WWE feels about your city. Getting dissed by Vince McMahon must sting. [411Mania]
Biglaw bonuses this year were insane. In an industry that usually plays “follow the leader” when it comes to associate bonuses, this year felt more like a poker tournament.For a full recap of the 2014 bonus season, fill out this brief form and receive ATL’s Biglaw Bonus Poker infographic.
* Law firm suffers Viagra hack. If it persists for more than four hours… [Legal Cheek]
* An in-depth and frightening look at “Witness 40″ in the Ferguson Grand Jury proceedings: a bipolar woman with a long history of making racist comments who lived nowhere near Ferguson and testified only after Officer Wilson’s story was revealed — which she parroted back. Bob McCulloch thought this was a stellar witness. Bob McCulloch is also bad at his job. [The Smoking Gun]
* Charleston local government wants InfiLaw out of town. Is there anyone left who wants InfiLaw to take over Charleston? [TaxProf Blog]
* Congratulations to U.S. Attorney Sarah Saldaña on her confirmation as head of ICE. [International Business Times]
* Pet piercing will soon be illegal in New York, so get that dope nose ring for your dog today! [Lowering the Bar]
* Canadian “band” Skinny Puppy demands $660,000 from the U.S. government for using their music as torture material without permission. As a compromise can we just pledge to strap Dick Cheney down and force him to listen to 15 consecutive hours of Skinny Puppy and call it a day? [Gawker]
* Cleveland WR Andrew Hawkins pens a thorough, even-handed takedown of butthurt police union leaders demanding he apologize for taking the stance that police should try not to kill unarmed 12-year-olds. So apparently this is what the Browns are good at. [Talking Points Memo]
* David chats about the backstory behind Supreme Ambitions (affiliate link).
* Which law schools are most conservative? Most liberal? [FiveThirtyEight]
* Elie’s new job as “deal judge.” [Dealbreaker]
* Lawyer suspended amid accusations that he sexted three clients with nude photos of himself and told one “she could ‘ride bareback’ with him.” [ABA Journal]
* Duquesne says it denied professor tenure because she was bad at the whole “teaching” part of her job. Whoa! When has that ever mattered to tenure? [TaxProf Blog]
* Josh and Jess sit down with Judge Matthew Sciarrino to talk about the new Star Wars trailer. I don’t know. Looks kind of boring. We need George Lucas to spice it up with a Special Edition version. [The Legal Geeks]
* Prosecutor recites “Dixie” at closing argument of a black man’s trial. [Idaho Statesman]
* As we’ve addressed, the grand jury declined to indict the officer in the police-cause homicide — per the medical examiner — of Eric Garner. [New York Times]
* This is a good time to remember Eric Garner was killed for the horrible crime of selling loosies, a product that developed a black market in NYC in response to rising cigarette taxes. Evading cigarette taxes should be a crime. But, like, a “here’s your $50 ticket” crime, not the death penalty. [Huffington Post]
* An anonymous Georgetown law student has filed suit against the school and one of its instructors, Rabbi Barry Freundel, for “luring her to the bath as part of her studies at the school.” And who didn’t have that lesson in Civ Pro? [Washington Post]
* Another in the continuing series looking back on a decade of Chief Justice Roberts. This time looking back at the slow and steady drive to curtail women’s rights. [Constitutional Accountability Center]
* The Bar Association of San Francisco is hosting an event next Tuesday featuring Chief Judge Alex Kozinski entitled: The Wizard of Koz. Um, may not be the best time to use to “Cos” sound in a title. But that aside, it promises to be an interesting event if you’re in the area. [San Francisco Bar]
* Brian Finch of Pillsbury Winthrop talks cyberattacks and admits what everyone else wants to deny: law firms are a weak link in cybersecurity. [Bloomberg TV]
This takes some gall. And some stupidity.
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A look back at the fate of the passenger pigeon, the legal implications of efforts to resurrect the bird and other extinct species, and the courtroom drama over a Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton.
Who owns a picture taken by a monkey?
* “I don’t care if it’s legal, it’s wrong.” President Obama is pointing the finger at companies using cross-border mergers to avoid U.S. taxes, and he wants to put an end to corporate tax inversions. [Bloomberg]
* Thomas Christina of Ogletree Deakins is the lawyer behind the recent circuit split on Obamacare’s state versus federal health insurance subsidies. Blame him or praise him, it’s up to you. [WSJ Law Blog]
* “I think I missed being in the courtroom more than I missed politics.” John Edwards, acquitted in 2012, is making court appearances again, but this time as a lawyer, not as a defendant. [Am Law Daily]
* A lawyer from Georgia hunts alligators in his spare time, and keeps the taxidermied head of one he caught right on his desk. He says it’s “a great conversation piece,” but that’s a pretty nasty paperweight. Eww. [Daily Report via ABA Journal]
* In a face-off with Alec Baldwin, a judge asked the actor to apologize. The combative Baldwin said he’d rather pay a fine, but if he can “[b]e a good boy,” his biking charge will be dropped. [New York Daily News]
* Watchcat! [Legal Juice]
* On a similar note, New York banning “Tiger Selfies.” When do they give out the Darwin Awards again? [Lowering the Bar]
* Are there lessons to be learned from the lawyer who applied for — and got rejected from — a paralegal gig? [Law and More]
* Have you ever seen a standup comic playing music during a set? Well, they’re doing it to prevent others — clubs, networks, etc. — from lifting their work and selling it as their own. Welcome to the world of standups and copyright. [The Legal Geeks]
* You already heard our take. Now for someone who took some actual time to think about what Noel Canning means. [Federal Regulations Advisor]
* The sexiest law firm in the world? [The Careerist]
* The Supreme Court is less conservative than we think. Let’s have a poll! After reading this, do you think SCOTUS is less conservative than you expected? After the jump…. [Washington Post]
Please remoooooooooove your hands from my udders!
* Want to see a really terrible version of 12 Angry Men? Watch it in Louisiana or Oregon, the two states that allow criminal convictions even when jurors are holding out. The Supreme Court has an opportunity to fix that, let’s see if they will. [Constitutional Accountability Center]
* Speaking of 12 Angry Men, this chart of the Dungeons & Dragons alignments of each juror is entertaining. [Imgur]
* The judge in the Janice and Ira Schacter kerfuffle invoked Above the Law in her decision as proof that the accusations against Ira Schacter were in the public eye. Thanks for specifically promoting us over the rest of the NY media Justice Laura Drager! [NY Post]
* Watch a bunch of law students talk about cats on Facebook. Will it end in douchebag posturing and threats of lawsuits? Of course it will! [Legal Cheek]
* “Volunteer Liquor Commissioner” was disciplined for operating a Facebook page for people complaining about the police. He’s suing. Better question is what does a “Volunteer Liquor Commissioner” even do? [IT-Lex]
* Allegations that Disney ripped off the trailer for Frozen from an animated short. They should really let it go. [Hollywood Reporter]
* Chief Justice John Roberts says he’s a minimalist. He’s wrong. [Election Law Blog]
* Microsoft stopped supporting Windows XP. The IRS decided to keep going with the old product. So now your tax records are at risk. Enjoy the fruits of budgeting with anti-IRS legislators! [TaxProf Blog]
* Corporette tackles the thorny question of what to do with your email when you leave a firm. Personally, I used my email to offer my firm’s services to a whole panoply of Nigerian princes on my way out the door, but her advice is good too. [Corporette]
* Cursing out someone in court in a foreign language will not protect you from criminal contempt. Well, my investment in Rosetta Stone Romanian just went down the drain. [Southern District of Florida Blog]
* Requiring wild animals to be microchipped is not a regulatory taking. Besides, as I read this NSA stuff, it seems like we should be more concerned about humans being microchipped than some Ocelot (named Babou, obviously). [IT-Lex]
* This is just awful. There’s no joke here. Well, there is, but I’m not going to make it. [Fox News]
* A little late, but this is a fun April Fools’ Day riff on Biglaw expansion efforts. I’m not saying they’re making fun of DLA Piper, but they’re totally making fun of DLA Piper. [Green Patent Blog]
* If you’re looking for a public records request to make of the City of Philadelphia, try getting every document surrounding the decision to go after unpaid labor at the expense of giving paying work to lawyers. Screenshot here in case they get wise to the bad publicity. [Philadelphia Bar Association]
* Kent Zimmerman discusses how some law firms are finding growth in the challenging market. Check it out after the jump…. [Mimesis]