Bar Exams, Health / Wellness

A Bad Character And Fitness Review Can Doom You To Years Of Unemployment

The debt and feelings of hopelessness can sometimes be overwhelming.

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Welcome to the latest installment of The Struggle, a series where we examine the mental-health issues that students encounter during the grueling law school experience. We are posting these stories because sometimes what law students really need is to know that they’re not alone in their pain. Sometimes what law students need is to know that they’ve got a friend who is willing to share not just in their triumphs, but also in their struggles. These are real messages we’ve received from real readers.

If these issues resonate with you, please reach out to us. Your stories need to be heard. You can email us, text us at (646) 820-8477, or tweet us @atlblog. We will share your stories anonymously. You may be able to help a law student who needs to know that someone else has been there before and survived.

I was a non-traditional (second career) law student. I have two disabilities, PTSD (from child abuse by a parent growing up) and dyslexia. These two disabilities are difficult enough for trying to succeed in law school, but a bar exam requires much more time and effort to overcome them. However, I never failed a law school class, and I graduated with honors. I spent my last year prepping for the bar exam by reviewing 25 years of past state bar exams. I spent two full months of 14 hours a day studying for the bar exam. I passed the bar exam on my first attempt in a state that had a 58% pass rate for my seating.

Because of the character and fitness process, I have not been allowed to practice. The bar used my PTSD to claim that I challenged authority and that was not something that is allowed of an attorney.

For four years now since graduation I have been looking for employment. I can’t practice law because I was denied admission. Trying to get a job in a law office with my J.D. and two LL.M.s has met with not one real interview. I have had calls talking with me about why I am not admitted to practice. Older attorneys have told me I must have a criminal record or a substance abuse issue as that is the only reason for C&F denial. When I try to say no and show them the reasons, I am now told things like, “We can’t use you because we don’t want to be on the Bar’s radar.” I have applied to over 2,000 jobs (not just in the legal field). I have applied to fast food jobs, retail jobs, teaching jobs, etc. Most people see my J.D. and Master’s degrees and even refuse to call. I have paid to have my résumé and cover letter be professionally done, with no improvement. To make a minimum income, I have tried to go back into IT, but that effort has been met with statements like, “you have been out of IT too long,” or “your skills are no good.”

Many people tell me to just leave my J.D. and LL.M.s off my résumé and applications. The problem is that 90% of all applications are signed under penalty of perjury. So as I am still under an open character and fitness review, if I apply for a job without those degrees and a signed statement under perjury, the Bar would have a reason to keep me from practicing.

The only job I have been able to secure is substitute teaching for $80 a day. In my area, these jobs have been outsourced to a private company. So I can’t even use the last two-and-a-half years to help discharge my ballooning student loan debt under public service because even though I work in K-12 schools, my employer is a for-profit outsourcing company and thus not a non-profit.

I have been battling depression on these issues, but am fearful that if I seek help it will be listed that I could not handle stress with my PTSD, and that I will be denied admission to practice when my 18-month review window is up.

When high school students ask me about my legal education, I don’t hold back and I tell them. It adds insult to injury to have high school students make fun of you about not being a lawyer.

Somehow I am still fighting this. I can’t afford to pay my basic bills. I can’t find money for an attorney. So the feelings and emotions that I have been left with… sometimes they overwhelm me. I try to do stress relief, but sometimes it feels overwhelming.

Most colleges and universities have counseling and psychological services resources that students and graduates can turn to if they are in crisis or would like counseling, even after hours. If these services are not available at your school, and if you’re depressed and in need help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) or a lawyer assistance program in your state. Remember that you are loved, so please reach out if you need assistance, before it’s too late. Don’t become a statistic — please seek help.

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Staci ZaretskyStaci Zaretsky has been an editor at Above the Law since 2011. She’d love to hear from you, so please feel free to email her with any tips, questions, or comments. You can follow her on Twitter or connect with her on LinkedIn.

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