It seems there’s no end to the reasons to hate Wal-Mart. They cost taxpayers $6.2 billion in public assistance, displace local businesses without helping the local economy, and that’s before we get to the child labor. But we can add shady litigation stances to the mix as well.
In Lainey Ann Rivera vs. Sam’s Club Humacao (2018 WL 4705915), a man died from a cerebral hemorrhage following an incident on a porch swing display in a Sam’s Club. In its summary judgment motion, Wal-Mart asserted that there’s no evidence that the swing itself was defective and contends that he actually fell down because of his HIV.
Lack of evidence was a bold stance for Wal-Mart to take in the motion given the company was already aware of spoliation arguments coming its way for destroying the swing in question within a week of the incident report. It claimed to be unaware of the incident at the time despite its manager already conducting an investigation.
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You know things are looking grim when a judge drops something like this:
The Court believes that Wal-Mart’s conduct and arguments are not sound, bordering on disingenuous, and sanctions are accordingly warranted.
But pointed commentary does not a benchslap make. For that, there has to be something special. Like that underheralded gem of the benchslap world — the nuclear string cite. While the lazy skip over these exercises in Bluebooking prowess, the true aficionado can find benchslapping gold in the subtle folds of a well-crafted string cite.
It begins with a simple 25-word statement:
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The Court is also concerned by Wal-Mart’s apparent track record of having spoliation sanctions imposed on it with alarming frequency and under strikingly similar circumstances.
From here, U.S. District Judge Aida M. Delgado-Colón unleashes a “See, e.g.,” of 18 cases and nearly 800 words chronicling a persistent pattern of blowing up evidence in the immediate aftermath of injuries up to and including destroying a number of 5-10lb. wooden figurines that fell on someone and then trying unsuccessfully to convince the court they were made of papier-mâché. And you know that one was last because it’s the most gobsmackingly clumsy effort and the judge did not want anyone to lose it under the sheer weight of this meaty cite.
Brutal. Absolutely brutal.
For those of you that have to shop at Wal-Mart, maybe you should invest in a personal body cam just so you can have some non-destroyed surveillance footage of your trip in case you need it. I think they sell those in aisle 10.
If you want to read the whole cite in its natural habitat, the full opinion is available on the next page.
Earlier: Irritated Judge Writes The Best String Cite Ever
Joe Patrice is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news.