Health / Wellness

3 Things An AAPI Attorney Learned From The Death Of His Father

I could never repay my father for everything he has done for me, but in his honor, I can pay it forward.

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Renwei Chung and his late father

Ed. note: This post was originally published on May 15, 2015. In honor of AAPI Heritage and Brain Cancer Awareness Month, we have republished it.

“Today my son said ‘dad, let go my hand’ / Reminded me one day he’s going to be his own man / And my job is to make sure he’s equipped.” — J. Cole

My father unexpectedly passed away in 2014. In January, he was diagnosed with brain cancer. Two months later, we elected for chemotherapy treatment. He was intravenously given the medicine on a Friday. He passed away two days later. We were told the greatest risk would be dialysis, not death. The cancer didn’t kill him, the chemotherapy did. Some people have told me it hurts less when you don’t see it coming. I can’t imagine it hurting any more.

Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed to any of us. Benjamin Franklin famously observed, “one today is worth two tomorrows.” Sometimes no amount of time could compensate for one more today. We all know a friend or family member who has suffered from cancer. Everybody has a cancer story in their social network.

When I was a financial advisor, many of my clients lamented to me that they were at a point in their lives where funerals were much more common than weddings. Death is ironic because it can teach us so much about life. I’m sure our elders have gained just as much wisdom from the death of their loved ones as they have gained from their various life experiences.

Regardless of my father’s circumstances, he wanted for very little. Some days, while growing up dirt-poor on a farm in Taiwan, my father was only allowed to eat a few sweet-potato leaves as the family patiently waited for the plants to mature. For dessert, if the harvesting season was fruitful, my dad was given an orange.

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My father attributed his small physical stature to malnutrition in his adolescent years. Daily, my father recognized the little pleasures in life. He was forever grateful to have a roof over his head, indoor plumbing, and a good meal with friends and family.

We didn’t have a car, we walked everywhere. My dad appreciated the journey. He was a million miles from a million dollars, but he could never spend his wealth. My father taught me to be grateful for something every day. His death reminded me that we all have an expiration date.

After just finishing finals, I’m sure many of us can breathe regularly again. It is easy with experiences like law school to become one-track-minded and singularly focused. But it is important to regularly recognize people who have helped you achieve your personal success. I don’t believe I thanked my dad enough for helping me to value education.

Many Asians never say “I love you” to their family members. Maybe it isn’t in our culture to give our parents their proper due, but we should make a sincere effort to thank them for everything they have done for us. Like many parents, my dad made thousands of sacrifices without any expectation of something in return. My dad was excited to become a grandfather.

Unfortunately, he never got the chance to become one. His death taught me that even as we become singularly focused, we should remember to thank those who have helped us get where we are today.

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While I was in college, the local elementary school asked my father to teach English to two Chinese students whose parents just moved into town and opened up a restaurant. My father spent a couple of hours, three to four days a week, for several years helping these two students learn English. By high school, they both were fluent English speakers. In fact, the older child became the valedictorian and the younger brother became the salutatorian of their respective high school graduation classes.

Throughout his life, my father urged me to help those less fortunate. He always said that the gift was in the giving. Throughout his life, he made countless lives better by donating his time and energy without expecting anything in return.

(Photo by Ildar Sagdejev)

At his funeral, I saw many of the lives he touched and realized that none of us in attendance could ever repay him for all his generous acts. I could never repay my father for everything he has done for me, but in his honor, I can pay it forward. I have learned the best way to express gratitude for my father’s selfless acts is to replicate and repeat those same acts for the benefit of others.

This month is Brain Cancer Awareness Month (#GoGrayinMay, #VABC). An estimated 68,470 people will receive primary brain tumor diagnoses this year. An estimated 13,770 people will die from brain cancer this year. The month of May is an annual reminder that the future isn’t guaranteed to any of us. Time is the ultimate influencer. We may not be able to change time, but we can change our priorities.

My father’s death reminded me that we should be grateful for something every day because life is short. My father’s death taught me to express sincere appreciation to the people who have been influential in my life.

Throughout his life and until his death, my father taught me that the gift was in the giving. I plan to honor my father by helping others as he has helped others throughout his life. I hope everybody has somebody in their life they feel just as strongly about. I hope it doesn’t take the death of a loved one for others to learn these life lessons.

In honor of AAPI Heritage Month, be sure to check out PBS’s free streaming of American Experience: The Chinese Exclusion Act, as part of its 31 Stories for 31 Days of AAPI Heritage Month.

Renwei Chung is the Diversity Columnist at Above the Law. You can contact him by email at projectrenwei@gmail.com, follow him on Twitter (@fnfour), or connect with him on LinkedIn. 

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