Cooley LLP

* Michael Avenatti has failed in his bid to have counts in his indictment dismissed. [Nassdaq]

* A suspended Providence attorney has admitted to taking a dead client’s pension for around a dozen years. Seems slightly unethical. [Providence Journal]

* A man charged with murder has elected to act as his own attorney. [The Herald]

* Ikea is reportedly paying $46 million to settle a lawsuit involving a dresser that tipped over and killed a child [CBS News]

* A veteran of the Mueller investigation has decided to join Cooley LLP (the law firm, not the school). [National Law Journal]

* R. Kelly threatens to sue Lifetime, a lawsuit that will be totally worth it if the judge has to say “don’t pee on my leg and say it’s raining.” [TMZ]

* Alex Van Der Zwaan’s attorney, Laura Grossfield Birger, tapped to run the SDNY Criminal Division. That’s some… curious optics right now. [Courthouse News Service]

* The billionaire client that Boies Schiller is suing over unpaid fees has now alleged malpractice, which is a bold move considering BSF got him through multiple litigation scrapes. But this goes with the territory. I once had a holdout client claim malpractice when we’d gotten him acquitted of racketeering, so this move isn’t entirely unexpected. [New York Law Journal]

* It’s not surprising that the Ninth Circuit has some serious concerns over the possibility that the government systematically lied to the courts, it’s surprising that this isn’t a universal concern of the federal judiciary. [The Recorder]

* This round-up of the top in-house hires of December including Tesla’s decision to turn off autopilot and hire a white-collar attorney to serve as general counsel. [Law360]

* Cardinal says compensation for abuse victims is less important than avoiding “breaking” the Church. Dude, it’s going public that abuse victims aren’t as important as the Church that’s doing all the “breaking” right now. [NBC News]

* Key legal questions surrounding blockchain. [Coindesk]

* The Ninth Circuit, President Donald Trump’s judicial archnemesis, affirms Judge Derrick Watson’s (modified) preliminary injunction against the “grandma ban.” [How Appealing]

* Donald Trump Jr. opens up to the Senate Judiciary Committee about that infamous June 2016 meeting with a Russian lawyer. [New York Times]

* Consolidation continues in the legal-services world: Counsel On Call acquires e-discovery company DSicovery LLC (DSi). [ABA Journal]

* The Trump administration sides with the anti-gay-marriage baker in the Masterpiece Cakeshop case that will be decided this coming Term by SCOTUS. [How Appealing]

* ICYMI: Deborah Farone — Cravath’s chief marketing director for the past 14 years, and the “gold standard” in legal marketing — is leaving Cravath to start her own consulting firm and to write a book on law firm marketing (to be published next year by the Practising Law Institute). [Law.com]

* Cooley raids Wilson Sonsini for talent for the second time in three months, this time hiring emerging growth specialists Jon Avina, Calise Cheng, and Rachel Proffitt. [Big Law Business]

* Legal research startup Casetext — led by CEO Jake Heller, COO Laura Safdie, and VP Pablo Arredondo — continues on its upward trajectory. [ABA Journal]