Jeff Sessions

* A New Jersey judge has ordered a local gym to remain closed for the time being. Guess “gym, tan, laundry” is currently impossible in the Garden State. [NewJersey.com]

* The FBI is reportedly evaluating whether the the shooting of Ahmaud Arbery was a hate crime. [Seattle Times]

* President Trump has said that Jeff Sessions was not “mentally qualified” to be Attorney General. [Guardian]

* A Texas criminal defense lawyer has been arrested for trying to hire an undercover cop to commit murder. [Daily Mail]

* As many of us Empire State lawyers know from firsthand experience, the COVID-19 pandemic has taken a huge toll on everyone involved with the New York courts system. [Daily News]

* A Vermont attorney who pointed a gun at a store clerk due to social distancing restrictions has been suspended from practice. [CBS News]

* Mets pitcher Noah Syndergraard is being sued by his landlord for missing payments on his $27,000-a-month New York City duplex. Maybe Syndergraard qualifies for unemployment while the Mets aren’t playing, but don’t think it’ll cover his rent… [Yahoo News]

* A Texas judge has been disciplined for posting Facebook congratulations to attorneys who won jury verdicts in her courtroom. Should have saved that conduct for LinkedIn… [Texas Lawyer]

* An attorney representing Anheuser-Busch in a lawsuit involving a Bud Light Super Bowl ad has requested a new oral argument date because he tested positive for COVID-19. [Bloomberg Law]

* Michael Sussman, the attorney for the alleged Monsey stabber (and a former adversary of mine), is requesting an autopsy of the victim even though autopsies run counter to Jewish burial traditions. [Forward]

* Jeff Sessions has stated that he has no regrets about leaving the Senate to serve as the Attorney General of the United States. [Hill]

* The owner of a strip club in Flint, Michigan, has filed a lawsuit claiming that the Payroll Protection Program improperly excludes businesses in the sex industry. This story is kind of reminiscent of another “Flynt”… [Michigan Live]

* A Nassau County judge has dismissed a lawsuit against Robert Durst brought by members of his wife Kathie’s family for the alleged murder of Kathie and the disposal of her body. Please let there be another season of The Jinx. [New York Post]

* President Trump is apparently happy that former attorney general Jeff Sessions didn’t win the Alabama Senate primary outright and needs to face a runoff vote. [Washington Post]

* A lawyer is accused of stealing millions of dollars from an estate he was managing in order to pay for cosmetic surgery and gambling trips to Vegas and elsewhere. Guess when it comes to stealing, you gotta go big or go home… [Dayton Daily News]

* President Trump is arguing that a lawsuit involving sexual assault allegations against him should be put on hold. [ABC News]

* A lawyer accused of sexual harassment alleges that the accuser created a hostile environment by hanging a giant penis in an attorney’s office. The accused’s nickname around the office was also apparently “Douchebag McBully.” [Vice]

* A federal judge has tossed a lawsuit filed by Tulsi Gabbard against Google for briefly suspending her campaign ads. Maybe she would have gotten more delegates in American Somoa if the ads weren’t suspended… [The Hill]

* Rudy Giuliani has finally selected the counsel that will represent him in the impeachment probe. Looks like his version of “The Apprentice: Lawyer Edition” is now over. [Politico]

* Sources say former Attorney General Jeff Sessions will announce today that he is running for his old Senate seat. [CNN}

* A judge has signaled that he will allow a lawsuit filed by House Democrats seeking President Trump’s tax records to proceed. [The Hill]

* A white male former lawyer for the Hershey Company can Hershey’s Kiss his race and gender discrimination lawsuit against the company goodbye. [Patriot News]

* Law student groups are refusing to accept funding from firms with mandatory arbitration clauses. [Bloomberg]

* President Trump reportedly asked Attorney General Barr to clear him of wrongdoing over Ukraine, which Attorney General Barr refused to do. [Wall Street Journal]

* Is Matt Whitaker’s appointment as Acting Attorney General even legal? Well, Justice Thomas certainly doesn’t think so. [Twitter]

* Associate signing bonuses are on the decline according to a new report. On the other hand, we’ve heard about more firms offering payouts to make associates whole on bonuses when jumping firms, and I’m not sure this decline captures that. If not, this decline might be a distinction without difference. [American Lawyer]

* Rudy Giuliani claiming he’s got “financial troubles” while spending over $12K on cigars. Maybe he should ask for an advance from his client who claims to be a billionaire but is pretty obviously not even close to being a billionaire. [NBC]

* Ron Wyden proposes criminal penalties for corporate data breaches. [Corporate Counsel]

* Attorney wanted for murder has been apprehended in Cuba. [Law360]

* As much as we tout advances in legal technology, it’s the changes to the legal business model that may usher in the biggest transformation. [Forbes]

* More insights from the In-House Benchmarking Report. Work is still moving in-house and technology has a lot to do with this shift. [Legaltech News]

* President Donald Trump claims that Michael Cohen lied under oath when he testified that Trump told him to violate campaign finance laws and that the allegations are “totally false.” Cohen’s attorney, Lanny Davis, has some words Trump ought to be concerned about: “audio and tape.” [USA Today]

* “I can fire him whenever I want to fire him, but I haven’t said that I was going to.” In other Trump-related news, the president has confirmed that Pat Cipollone will serve as his next White House counsel, and also confirmed that he’s still really pissed off at AG Jeff Sessions about the Mueller probe. [Associated Press]

* In the wake of Justice Brett Kavanaugh’s highly political confirmation hearing where he brought up Clinton conspiracies during his testimony, Chief Justice John Roberts really wants the American public to know that the judiciary “requires independence from the political branches.” Really. He pinky promises. [CNN]

* If you’re interested in learning what junior partners are making at Williams and Connolly, look no further than Fourth Circuit nominee Allison Jones Rushing’s financial disclosure form. The 2007 Duke Law graduate pulled in more than $650K during her first year as a partner at the firm. [National Law Journal]

* This ex-Foley & Lardner partner “should have known better” than to backdate documents, paste his clients’ signatures onto them, and mislead the IRS during an audit, so he’s been suspended from practicing law for two years. [American Lawyer]

* Valparaiso celebrated earlier in the week after reaching an agreement to send its beleaguered law school to Middle Tennessee. Tennessee’s education officials have killed the idea of hosting another middling law school with extreme prejudice. [Chicago Tribune]

* Ninth Circuit judge displays deliberate ignorance in what appears to be a looming decision to keep college athletes out of court. [Courthouse News Service]

* Whenever you doubt the stupidity of humanity, remember people accused of global financial fraud tend to email each other explicit descriptions of what they’re doing. [Law360]

* Boies Schiller will act as special prosecutor in the Joe Arpaio appeal in what should be the easiest appellate layup ever. [The Recorder]

* Republican judge dismisses lawsuit against Republican politician. [Huffington Post]

* Jeff Sessions tells the Heritage Foundation that he doesn’t approve of this idea that courts might consider themselves some kind of “check” or “balance” on the executive branch. [National Law Journal]

* Ralph Baxter thinks Biglaw needs to change its business model to succeed. [American Lawyer]

* When the economy tanks again next year, will Biglaw be ready? [Law360]

* Lawyers are now using Janus to strike down mandatory bar fees. Let’s just watch everything burn. [National Law Journal]

* For lawyers, Boston is the new Houston. [American Lawyer]

* Jeff Sessions straying as close to the line as he can in telling immigration judges to just ignore legal defenses and deport people on sight. [Courthouse News Service]

* A thorough analysis of White House statements on immigration law. It turns out they don’t have any idea what they’re talking about. [Forbes]

* “There she is/a $100K suit over legal fees…” Miss America sued by Fox Rothschild. [Press of Atlantic City]

* John Bolton’s now attacking the International Criminal Court. If you had that on your official “Erosion of International Norms Bingo Card,” then congratulations. [NPR]

* In case you missed it, Supreme Court nominee Judge Brett Kavanaugh refused to condemn President Donald Trump’s attacks on the judiciary (specifically, his insults of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg), refused to say whether he believed same-sex marriage was a constitutional right, and once again denied discussing the Mueller probe with anyone at Kasowitz Benson. What will happen today? [Washington Post]

* President Donald Trump has reportedly called Attorney General Jeff Sessions “a dumb Southerner” and an “idiot” without an Ivy League law degree who “couldn’t even be a one-person country lawyer down in Alabama.” This Alabama Law professor wonders what’s so bad about a degree from Alabama Law. [New York Times]

* Per a new study from the American Bar Association, the sky is blue and women and minorities continue to face racial and gender bias within the legal profession. But, here are some tools to fight these problems. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Allen & Overy has published its 2018 gender pay gap figures, and it’s the first U.K. firm to include data from its “overwhelmingly male” partners in its disclosures. A&O’s median gender pay gap is 39 percent, a slight improvement. [Financial Times]

* It seems that the Justice Department no longer thinks that employers should be forced to consider job applicants with criminal histories, going against Obama-era guidance that the EEOC has been following since 2012. [National Law Journal]

* In an historic opinion, India’s Supreme Court ruled that gay sex between adults is not a crime, casting aside an “irrational, arbitrary, and incomprehensible” colonial-era law that made the act a punishable offense within the country. [Times of India]

* Fire alarms sounded at Miami Law as smoke poured through vents into a student lounge, and some students evacuated their classrooms, but others ran back in to save their laptops. Well, obviously — they’re law students, after all. [Miami Hurricane]