Over the past few days, we’ve been documenting debonair d-bag Tucker Max and his failed attempt to donate $500,000 to Planned Parenthood. Whether or not you think the organization should have accepted his money, you’ve got to at least give the man a hand for trying to do some good in this world — no matter his intentions.
That being said, another organization that is certainly worthy of Max’s half-million has stepped up to the plate. This organization wants Max’s money badly, so badly, in fact, that its executives have turned around to take it like a desperate dog in heat.
Which organization are we talking about? None other than PETA….
This afternoon, PETA President Ingrid E. Newkirk took a break from attempting to free enslaved whales to personally email Tucker Max on behalf of the animal rights organization. She sent over this little gem:
Having heard about Planned Parenthood’s rejection of your offer, we’d like to propose an alternative way that you can help prevent unwanted pregnancies, receive a tax break, and put your name proudly on a clinic—perhaps along with a picture of you and your dog! We would like to purchase a brand-new mobile spay-and-neuter truck and name it “Fix Your Bitches! The Tucker Max No-Cost to Low-Cost Spay and Neuter Clinic.” The truck would cost just shy of $400,000 (delivered fully equipped) and give us $100,000 in leftover funds to spend on veterinary fees—if you are willing to spend the same amount you were offering Planned Parenthood.
Max is already a loyal dog owner, so why shouldn’t he donate some of his money to PETA? Come on, they’re making this easy for him. No longer does he need to roll over and beg for more publicity for his book sales.
Newkirk continued her plea, noting that “[d]ogs and cats may ‘sleep’ with more mates ‘than is safe or reasonable’—but unlike us, they can’t unwrap a condom. Will you help us provide this essential form of birth control?”
Oh, come on, Tucker! Dogs and cats don’t have opposable thumbs. They can’t help themselves from being “slutty whores,” like the women who frequent Planned Parenthood. Won’t you help them out?
Because you’ve got to admit, having your name and image plastered across the “Fix Your Bitches!” traveling spay-and-neuter truck has got to be better than having merely having your name emblazoned on the first-ever Planned Parenthood abortion slide.
Want to see what PETA envisions for the Tucker Max “Fix Your Bitches!” Clinic? Check it out, along with Ingrid Newkirk’s complete email message, on the next page….