Smells Like DWI: Law-Scented Candles Are A Thing Now

Your office smells like a cold, uninviting place, with undertones of Wite-Out and stale coffee. You need to fix this problem as soon as possible.

Sometimes lawyers will try to find ways to make their offices seem more inviting for their clients, who are often nervous to find themselves in a lawyer’s office in the first place. They’ll sprinkle their desks and bookshelves with law-related chotchkies, and some will even add a bonsai tree to bring their clients a sense of zen and tranquility. How refreshing!

Everything looks perfect, but… ugh, something stinks. What on earth is that? Your office smells like an uninviting place, with undertones of Wite-Out and stale coffee.

You need to fix this problem as soon as possible. If you’re a lawyer struggling to find way to add that certain je ne sais quoi to your office, then have we got an idea for you.

Enter the Flicking Candle Company, a business that seeks to provide “the perfect scents to celebrate all of life’s moments and accomplishments.” These high-quality, scented candles are simply ideal for law office decor. Allow them to tell you why:

Any candle company can offer the smells of a summer beach or capture the romance of a field of wildflowers. We’re the only candle company in America brave enough to celebrate the fresh scent of failed marriages, ruined friendships, rejection, criminal activity, unprotected sex, and unexpected weight gain.

Yes, lawyers, you can soon make your clients feel right at home with the “fresh scents” of their broken lives for the low, low price of just $16.99. There’s a candle for almost every type of lawyer out there. Don’t believe us? Take a look at these choices.

Here’s one for the attorney who pulled an all-nighter, accidentally fell asleep at his desk, and is frantically working on yet another “urgent” matter for a partner:

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This one is great for the recent law school graduate who happened to start looking for a job in an especially pitiful employment market. She’s too embarrassed to say she works for a “foreclosure mill,” and instead claims she works in “real estate litigation”:

A lovely scent for the family law attorney who just watched a problem client finally sign those pesky papers. Don’t worry, he’ll be back to complain about alimony:

Here’s a dreamy scent that will make all criminal defense attorneys swoon, even after their clients violate their restraining orders repeatedly for the “love of their lives”:

Don’t worry, we didn’t forget about all the DUI/DWI defense attorneys. With the earthy aromas of the desperation and despair your clients feel, this one’s for you:

Why not buy one of these today? After all, as the Flicking Candle Company notes, “[t]here is no better way to subtly acknowledge [your client’s] personal setbacks than with a candle that illuminates those challenges and puts them on display for everyone to see.” Trust us when we say that your clients will love these familiar scents.

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P.S. FYI, Flicking Candle Company, it’s bar exam season, and we’re eagerly waiting for the Bergamot Bar Failure candle. Mmm, it must smell like unemployment. Yum!

Flicking Candle Company [Homepage]