Bad Ideas

A tipster sent in a flyer of a Valentine’s Day giveaway being sponsored by a black law students association, and honestly, I hope the BLSA was set up. Seriously, it would be better if racist white people promoted this event as a way to troll black people than if actual black people thought this would be a good idea.

In fact, screw it, that’s the frame I’m going with. New headline: Black Law Students Trolled By Racists On Valentine’s Day…

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Are there lots of people in law school who are under 21? Are there lots of people in law school who can’t give legal consent for taking out hundreds of thousands in student loan money? Are there lots of people in law school who should have to ask for a hall pass before they go take a leak? Not many? Then maybe law students should be allowed to congregate and have a freaking beer without the administration threatening them with sanctions. Maybe the law school’s policies regarding alcohol at student functions should be a little bit different than the policy of the undergraduate school. Maybe a group of legal educators should be able to DISTINGUISH between a law student and a college freshman.

A law school has come up with a set of embarrassing and ludicrous alcohol-related policies, and now it’s threatening students who try to work around them…

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I wonder if the driver who honked and made the rude gesture when the light changed at the intersection was as surprised as I was to discover that we were both headed to the law school for a class that he attends and I teach.

– Professor RonNell Andersen Jones of BYU Law School, discussing a recent traffic incident with a law student on Facebook. Her status update has 281 likes.


Did you catch 60 Minutes last night? Did you at least catch the 60 Minutes promos during various awesome football games this weekend?

On last night’s program, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos declared that Amazon intends to send drones to your house to deliver packages. I’m pretty sure this is the only strategy that would be ultimately effective in Afghanistan. Instead of using drones to bomb people, if we were sending HD televisions, water, and vacuum cleaners, you’d see that region become much more amenable to America. At the very least, sending people things from the ATL holiday gift guide (sponsored) is better than sending them warheads.

But the thought of Amazon drones dropping consumerism on us from the sky should be pretty terrifying to Americans. How would that even work? I live in an apartment building… the humans often don’t know where to leave my packages. Watching Bezos, all I could think of was angry robots shooting copies of the Washington Post at me through my window while I read news on the internet.

Luckily, the Amazon plan is currently illegal. And it’s likely to stay completely unworkable…

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Even Eric Cartman didn’t need blackface to become a Somali pirate.

If you are a professional actor performing a role and you need to alter the color of your skin as part of that role, you can do it. Robert Downey Jr. and Roger Sterling spring to mind. Dave Chappelle and Eddie Murphy have done it (though going from black to white isn’t even the same thing as going from white to dark).

If you are anybody else, you can’t. You can’t do it for Halloween; you can’t do it “ironically.” You just can’t wear blackface. If you do, you are a racist. Wearing blackface in public for fun is dispositive on the issue of your racism. And it’s dispositive on the issue of your own intelligence and creativity: if you can’t pull off the costume without darkening your skin, you’ve probably missed the point of your costume. It’s not like I’d need to wear whiteface to go as [trying to think of the whitest white person] Boss Hogg.

These are simple rules that have been with us for years, but people still keep screwing up. And when they do, it touches off a “conversation” about race — as if we need to talk about why some racist people wore blackface and thought it was okay.

Why did these law students dress up in blackface to go on a pub crawl? Because they’re racist, the end….

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The kids here only look this happy because there are strippers off camera.

A mom reportedly hired strippers to show up at her 16-year-old’s birthday party, and she’s being charged with a crime. This is why we can’t have nice things. Shouldn’t kids learn how to objectify women in a controlled and safe environment with adult supervision, or do you really want them learning that stuff out on the street from Hannah Montana?

New York mom Judy H. Viger allegedly hired strippers to perform at the bowling alley where her son was having his party. The strippers allegedly performed lap dances. Viger was charged with child endangerment; her lawyer claims that she will cop to a plea. Child endangerment!

Like “I’m going to beat you with this switch” endangerment, only instead of a switch the kids got hit with fake stripper boobs….

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This takes balls. Not courage, but balls.

I’m using the term “balls” as a synonym for gall. I’m invoking the connotation of “stubbornness.” A law professor who can look at the current legal job market and the financial ruin suffered by so many law graduates, and fix his mouth to suggest that law school should take longer (and thereby cost more), really has balls. It’d be like Orson Scott Card thanking the producers of Ender’s Game for not casting “a little gay kid” in the title role.

I’m reluctant to even write this post and give this professor a wider circulation for his crackpot views, but I want the internet record to be complete, lest some person who hasn’t been paying attention happens upon the professor’s article and stupidly thinks, “This makes sense to me….”

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If you can’t see it in the eyes, then I can’t help you.

Don’t date people you work with. Don’t date people you might work with. Don’t date people you are interviewing. Don’t date people you don’t technically work with, but who work for the same company as you do. Don’t date people who you have to see every day on your way to work. Don’t try to get your date a job at your company. Don’t date people who have dated other people at your company. DON’T S**T WHERE YOU EAT!

Why? Because when (not if) it ends, it’s going to end badly. One of you is going to have to quit. And that’s assuming that both of you are reasonable adults. God forbid if one of you happens to be a crazy person. Then, you’re just going to end up with a shattered windshield and a legitimate concern that you need to find a new job for the summer.

Like this guy…

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During an appearance on Inside the Actor’s Studio, Tom Hanks was asked what profession he would not like to try. His answer: “A lawyer. That’s doing homework for a living.” I still think that’s the most accurate one-sentence description of the practice of law. Being a lawyer isn’t about soaring rhetoric or intellectual polemics. It’s about organization and attention to detail. It’s about paperwork, really high-level paperwork and research.

If you don’t like doing homework, you’re not going to like going to law school or practicing law. Certainly, if you don’t like doing your own paperwork, you’re going to hate doing it for somebody else. So when tipsters alerted us to this guy from Craigslist who is trying to hire someone to help him with the boring paperwork of applying to law school, I just wonder which episode of Suits made him think that he’d make a good lawyer….

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Brian Zulberti

As many of our readers know, the job scene for recent law school graduates is more than a little rough around the edges. The employment rate is still way down for the “lost generation” of lawyers, and desperation and despair have started to rear their ugly heads. In times like these, you may have to do some crazy things just to get noticed by potential employers.

For example, back in July, we told you about a young man named Brian Zulberti. He emailed the entire Delaware Bar in an effort to procure a job, but he didn’t bother to include his résumé. Instead, he attached a picture of himself in a Villanova Law t-shirt, sleeves rolled up and guns blazing. After a quick search on Google, we found this poor young stud’s half-naked photos. His story went viral, and he has passionately (and perhaps foolishly) tried to extend his 15 minutes of fame ever since.

Even though he claims that he’s received several job offers as a result of this whole affair — and no, “not as a [sic] escort” — Zulberti is no longer in search of a legal job. Right now, he’s trying to bring justice to those who have been damned by the perils of social media in conservative professional spheres like the law. He wants these working stiffs to take back their social lives, and once again he’s emailed hundreds, if not thousands, of practicing attorneys, trying to spread the word about his movement.

And he thought the best way to inspire people to join his cause was to post pictures of his penis online…

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