Squire Patton Boggs

* Ron DeSantis rammed through massive tort reform in December to the delight of Florida residents who barely understand torts. They’re about to find out what it all means when insurance companies refuse to pay up for Idalia. [Mother Jones]

* Remember the Second Amendment exists to protect your right to hide guns in your belly fat. [People]

* NY AG says Trump overinflated his net worth by upwards of $2.2 billion in a shock to absolutely no one. [CNN]

* Texas GOP’s “Death Star” legislation, designed to give the state legislature the power to strike down local laws and ordinances destroyed like all Death Stars because of tiny, yet fatal, flaw. In this case it’s because it’s entirely unconstitutional. Wow… that’s much bigger than the womp rats I used to target in my T-16 back home. [Law360]

* Alex Murdaugh loses phone privileges. [NY Post]

* Squire Patton Boggs partner set to take break from violent, rough and tumble Biglaw world to referee Rugby World Cup. [LegalCheek]

* In new phase of Hollywood strike, workers have filed comments with the FTC asking it to probe industry consolidation. And while fair compensation is a great reason to break up Hollywood, at least someone has to be mad about WarnerBrosDiscovery doing… any of the things it’s done. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Could it be? Will another Biglaw firm be dragged into this mess after Skadden? Michael Avenatti, lawyer to Stormy Daniels, thinks that special counsel Robert Mueller ought to take a look at Squire Patton Boggs, the firm that’s been working hard to disavow its “strategic alliance” with Michael Cohen, the president’s personal attorney. [Newsweek]

* “[Y]ou can’t have one rule for Democratic presidents and another rule for Republican presidents.” Chairman Chuck Grassley of the Senate Judiciary Committee, who recently suggested that any Supreme Court justice who was thinking about retiring do so right f**king now, claims that he won’t hold any hearings or votes for a Supreme Court nominee during the lead-up to the 2020 election [Bloomberg]

* The American Bar Association is planning to do away with its requirement that accredited law schools use a standardized admissions test to admit students. Will any law schools actually go so far as to admit students without any test scores at all? More on this later today. [Law.com]

* The end of the latest Supreme Court Term is drawing near, and if you’ve been watching goings-on at the high court, you know what that means: justices seem to be more likely to injure themselves now than during any other time of the year. Cross your fingers and hope that no one else sustains any broken bones — or worse — before the end of June. [CNN]

* Public law schools are usually cash cows for their associated undergraduate universities, but one law school is doing the complete opposite thanks to a dip in applications. But for a gigantic annual subsidy from main campus ($7.5 million), the University of Minnesota School of Law wouldn’t be able to balance its budget — and the school will need even more by 2020 ($12 million). Yikes! [Duluth News Tribune]

* Senator Chuck Grassley of the Senate Judiciary Committee really, really, really wants any Supreme Court justice who’s considering retiring any time soon to speed things up and retire immediately so their successor can be confirmed ASAP before the midterms. You hear that, Justice Kennedy? You apparently need to announce your retirement “now or within two or three weeks.” [Reuters]

* Quinn Emanuel may face an investigation from the Solicitors Regulation Authority, the agency responsible for overseeing attorneys in the United Kingdom, in the wake of allegations concerning a dismissed partner’s inappropriate behavior. The firm reported itself to the SRA, because it takes the allegations “extremely seriously.” [Legal Week]

* Squire Patton Boggs is really trying to distance itself from Michael Cohen. Remember that strategic alliance they had? Psshtttttt, please, forget about that. Under the bus you go, my friend: “At all times, Cohen maintained his independence, was not an employee of the firm, and did not maintain files or bill clients through the firm.” [The Hill]

* The Federal Communications Commission is planning to kill net neutrality on June 11, one day before the Senate is set to vote on Congressional Review Act resolution that seeks to overturn the FCC’s repeal of net neutrality rules. [NPR]

* Dr. Dre, the rapper, lost a trademark infringement fight against Dr. Drai, the gynecologist. These motherf**kers at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office act like they forgot about Dre. [Courthouse News Service]

* President Trump may have a very busy Saturday night planned, because according to inside sources, he’s considering firing Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein — or even Attorney General Jeff Sessions — in an attempt to take “aggressive action” against special counsel Robert Mueller. He could even fire Mueller, since he “believes he has the power to do so.” [CNN]

* Squire Patton Boggs ended its relationship with Michael Cohen on the same day his office was raided by the FBI, but sources inside the firm seem to have no idea why the firm’s relationship existed with Cohen in the first place. Cohen was supposedly there to “advance the interests” of Squire’s clients, but lawyers say they were generally kept in the dark about those alleged client interests. [American Lawyer]

* The Trumpiest of those who reside in Trumpland? Apparently that honor goes to Justice Clarence Thomas and his wife, Ginni, but it’s worth noting that the justice “has not gone nearly as far as his Ginni in embracing fringy Trumpist dogma.” [Slate]

* Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg swore in 201 new U.S. citizens in New York yesterday, much to their surprise. Here’s what one new American said about being addressed by Justice Ginsburg: “I felt so important. Sitting in front of somebody so special, I felt so special. I feel like I’m in my own country now.” [New York Daily News]

* Ieshia Champs, a 33-year-old single mother of five children, will be graduating from the Thurgood Marshall School of Law at Texas Southern University later this spring, and her inspirational graduation photos — which include all five of her kids — are going viral. A well-deserved congratulations go out to Ieshia from ATL! [The Grio]

* Now that the FBI is all up in his business, Squire Patton Boggs has cut ties with Michael Cohen. They had been working together in an amorphous strategic alliance that was almost certainly some kind of murky lobbying-related arrangement. [American Lawyer]

* Today is Equal Pay Day and in-house counsel hold the key to remedying pay inequality. [Corporate Counsel]

* This lawyer’s got 99 problems and all of them are a year in prison for trading sex for legal work. [Texas Lawyer]

* Trump advised that he can’t contribute to legal defense fund. This story assumes the phony billionaire has enough non-debt-financed disposable income to help his cronies, which is a very open question. [Bloomberg]

* In shocker, the Texas Supreme Court doesn’t understand homosexuality. [Slate]

* Wilmer and Foley Hoag seek documents to prove the Family Research Council and the Heritage Foundation drove the administration’s decision to ban transgender troops — since we know the general serving as Secretary of Defense wasn’t pushing it. [National Law Journal]

* Gawker’s liability releases hit snag. [Law360]

* So now we’re going to save DACA? Honestly, watching a White House with no coherent vision is exhausting. [Los Angeles Times]

* Trump’s FEC nominee raises eyebrows because his Twitter feed includes linking to articles explaining that “Protestantism is poison.” That’s an unexpected wrinkle in 2017, but then again… nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! [National Law Journal]

* Do the Big 4 accounting firms pose a threat to Biglaw? Um, yes! [Am Law Daily]

* Squire Patton Boggs isn’t entitled to squirepattonboggs.net according to an international arbitration panel. Put aside the merits of this decision and spend a few minutes cruising squirepattonboggs.net. It’s kind of hilarious. [Asian Lawyer]

* A new online program promises to help women get out of Biglaw. [Law.com]

* Yesterday, jurors heard that employees of payday lender AMG Services were fed weather reports so they could make small talk without revealing that they weren’t really on the tribal lands that offered them legal cover. You’ve got to appreciate how thorough they were. [Law360]

* Attorney sentenced for orchestrating a scheme that swindled NFL players. [Chicago Tribune]