Small Law Firms

Is Lawyer The Most Boring Job In The World?

Why are our jobs so dull?

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boredLast night I saw an article on the most boring jobs in the world.  Guess what job got the top spot? MMA fighter? Not on your life. Truckers? They have to drive over the same roads every day, in the same truck. Or teacher? After all, most teachers have to teach the same thing, over and over again. A subject like History of Western Civilization isn’t going to change too much year to year. But nope and nope. Drumroll…

Legal Jobs, for the win!!

But why? Why are our jobs so dull? After all, there are a lot of TV shows about lawyers: LA Law, Suits, Ally McBeal, The Practice. Surely they wouldn’t make TV shows about a dull profession. There aren’t nearly as many TV shows about teachers, and it didn’t even crack the top ten.

I have a wild and crazy theory that shows like Boston Legal do not quite capture the daily grind of being a lawyer. For example, I went to law school to be like Jack McCoy. Jack McCoy, who gets to make speeches to juries. In every single episode! Sure, I can make speeches to my associates, but I’ve learned by the seventh speech or so, they don’t seem quite as enraptured. (Come to think of it, they weren’t all that enraptured by my first speech.)

My life is nothing like Jack McCoy’s. I sit in an office and review documents. Every hour, every day. Right this very second, while you’re reading this, I guarantee you I’m either in my office reviewing documents, or I’m on the phone about some documents I just reviewed. I think if they made a TV show about my working life, there would be a lot less lawyers.

I know why our jobs are boring. You know why our jobs are boring. But maybe there’s someone else out there who thinks all lawyers are like Jack McCoy. Hey there someone, this one’s for you. I’m about to tell you why being a lawyer is boring.

First, people pay us to do dull stuff. Lots of times — maybe even most of the time — I get asked to review things that don’t take a law degree to figure out. Things that anyone with an abundance of patience and a glutton for punishment could do. But my client will see the impenetrable block of text and reflexively think: man, screw this, I’m not wasting my time on this. I’m sending this [expletive] to Gary.

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Clients don’t give us exciting stuff to do. No one ever calls me up and says, “I need someone to go out with this Victoria’s Secret model tonight, can I pay you $400/hour to do that? And how about if I throw in expenses?” No, it’s “review this 30-page agreement and tell me what you think.” Yay. Pretty exciting, no? No?

Second, our job requires quiet concentration. I’ve been in a few law firms, and I’ve never been in one that played loud music or had TVs on the walls. In my office building, next door is a restaurant consulting company. Not a music studio. Not a daycare. They’re not especially loud, yet I can hear every word they say. I can hear them laugh, sing, argue, and even agree on stuff. (They agree Trump’s press conferences are entertaining.)

Why is it I can hear every word they say? Well, it’s primarily the air vent, but it’s also because our office is quiet. We sit in the quiet and review documents. Sometimes we prepare them. Sometimes we’re on the phone, which is at least different, and intermittently interesting, assuming you consider threatening and cajoling interesting. And why — other than some occasional low-volume classical — do I keep it so quiet, you ask? Because…

Third, we’ve got to read every freaking word. So it’s not 30 pages of reading like we’re reading an O. Henry story. For a contract, we’ve got to concentrate on every word. Depending on the contract, it might be intense concentration on every word. (Now do you see why I prefer a quiet office?) At the junior ranks you’re reading every word because you’re going to get blamed for any typos or erroneous cross-cites that come through, and at the senior levels you’re reading every word because for the most part only the important docs land on your desk. I can’t remember the last time I received a contract for which I felt comfortable only reviewing a couple of sections. Some drafters have weird ways of doing things, and you have to look out for everything. And you “look out for everything” by concentrating on Every. Single. Word.

Still, I don’t mean to suggest there aren’t some days that are exciting. The other day we changed the ink cartridge in the copier. It was the most excitement we’ve had in months.

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gary-rossGary J. Ross opened his own practice, Jackson Ross PLLC, in 2013 after several years in Biglaw and the federal government. Gary handles corporate and securities matters for startups, large and small businesses, private equity funds, and investors in each, and also has a number of non-profit clients. You can reach Gary by email at Gary.Ross@JacksonRossLaw.com.

 

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