Midsize Firms / Regional Firms

Lessons In Teen Parenting And Law Firm Management: Survival Skills From The Trenches 

In a year filled with bleak moments for many, we've all learned some new skills for both parenting and firm life.

By MothersEsquire on April 29, 2021 12:19 pm

(Image via Getty)

Ed. note: This is the latest installment in a series of posts on motherhood in the legal profession, in partnership with our friends at MothersEsquire. Welcome Dee Cohen Katz to our pages. Click here if you’d like to donate to MothersEsquire.

In early 2019, after more than 25 years of practicing law, I stepped into the role of managing partner for my firm’s four offices and 50-plus attorneys. When I agreed to take the helm, I had very little idea what the job entailed. Over a year later, just as I felt the training wheels were coming off, the world found itself immersed in a pandemic. We transitioned immediately to a fully remote environment, and I felt the responsibility of heading up the firm’s efforts to encourage and motivate more than 100 employees (with equally as many personal circumstances) from home. One year later, we are still fully remote and in the process of moving several of our offices to better support our growth and modernization as well as the changing definition of how a successful law firm can operate.

Just as I embarked on my journey as managing partner, my daughter, an only child, turned 13. Navigating the teen years has been admittedly challenging for both of us. Throughout the past two years, I have listened to countless parenting podcasts and audiobooks, not to mention solicited input and guidance from friends and family members who had raised teens themselves and successfully made it to the other side. While my skills as a parent are still a work in progress and likely always will be, I am doing my best to focus on how to communicate with and support my daughter through this time in her life and the current state of the world.

As my communication with my daughter has morphed and I’ve been able to notice small successes, I instinctively began applying the principles I used to connect with her to my management style at work. What I’ve realized is that those same concepts have helped positively impact our firm’s culture and interpersonal relationships with my colleagues. In a year filled with bleak moments for many, fostering a more connected environment at work (even while we are all completely remote) has left me both grateful and proud. So I thought I’d share a few of the principles I’ve learned; what I like to refer to as my survival skills for both parenting and firm management:

  1. Listen. Too often, when someone comes to us to speak about an issue, our minds shift to thinking about how to respond and “fix” the problem as opposed to merely taking it in and acknowledging what we are hearing. Much of the time, whether it be teens or employees, we are approached not to provide solutions or answers, but merely for venting or to feel heard. It is not always easy to recognize the difference, so I’ve learned not to feel shy about asking permission to troubleshoot the issue (i.e., “I am so glad you shared that with me, let me know if you’d like my input”).
  2. Validate. While we may not agree with the opinion or perspective being voiced by others, everyone is entitled to their feelings and perceptions. Letting them know they are permitted to say how they think and feel, without fear of criticism or retribution, will allow them feel more accepted and valued, which in turn can foster future open and honest dialogue.
  3. Show compassion. Let’s face it — we’ve all suffered one way or another during the past year. With or without the pandemic, the adage that you should treat others with kindness because you don’t know what they are going through has never felt more true, including for me. A piece of recent parenting advice I responded to is that children, “do well when they can.” So if my child is struggling in any capacity, it is not because she is choosing to struggle or behave in a way I disagree with; it is because in that moment she is simply not capable of doing well. Showing similar compassion in the work environment can go a long way toward helping employees feel a sense of support and belonging. At the same time, just because someone is going through a particularly challenging time outside of the office does not provide them with a license to direct their frustration or pain at those they work with. No matter the situation, everyone deserves to be treated with respect.
  4. Share your mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Far from it. Most successful leaders would not have attained their positions without some epic failures along the way. As a manager, letting those you work with know that you have made your fair share of errors — and have been able to learn from and successfully overcome them — normalizes the experience and makes it more likely that issues will be brought to your attention early enough to be addressed and resolved. With regard to teens, they commonly feel parents cannot possibly understand them. Disclosing mistakes you have made can both humanize you and help show your teen that it’s safe for them to admit mistakes to you as their parent without judgment.

It is often said that things happen for a reason. The irony of learning how to parent a teen at the same time as figuring out how to manage a law firm is not lost on me. The truth is that there are days when I’m bone-tired and feel I’ve failed in both roles. In those moments, I hold out hope that my daughter and colleagues will have the capacity to listen, validate, and show compassion to me. Because there’s one final principle I know for a fact to be true: we’re all human and just doing the best that we can.

Dee Cohen Katz is the Managing Partner of Walsworth, a certified women-owned law firm with more than 50 attorneys. As Managing Partner, Dee oversees the firm’s operations in Los Angeles, Orange County, San Francisco and Seattle. Shortly after graduating from William & Mary Law School, Dee joined Walsworth and has played a key role in shaping the firm into what it is today – a diverse law firm that is thriving with the changing times. With close to thirty years of experience, Dee also maintains an active litigation practice and advises clients on a national basis. Dee attended Stanford University as an undergrad where she competed on their nationally ranked synchronized swimming team. Dee loves living in beautiful Orange County, CA, and being the best mom she can to her teen daughter. You can connect with her on LinkedIn.