Government

Mike Lindell And Alan Dershowitz Gonna Sue The FBI For Doing Gestapos To His Pillow Phone

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Operations At The My Pillow Inc. Production Facility Ahead Of Factor Orders Figures

Photographer: Ari Lindquist/Bloomberg via Getty Images

Pillow CEO Mike Lindell has been on am emotional roller coaster since he got his phone seized earlier this week by the FBI outside a Minnesota Hardee’s, and obviously he needed some extra time with his therapist. Unfortunately, his therapist is Steve Bannon, whom he visits on the regular for scream treatments which are publicly broadcast for all to see.

It’s an unorthodox regimen which hasn’t yet gained traction with any of the major medical associations. But Mike Lindell isn’t going to let Big Med tell him how to treat what is clearly not a major mental health crisis, mister.

In his first visit, he described the encounter with the FBI, launching into a discursive monologue on all the questions asked by the nice agent, which Lindell answered(!!!), prompting Bannon to remind his audience that the FBI is not your friend, and when they come asking questions, you should probably shut the hell up.

And he’s not wrong! But Mike Lindell didn’t get where he is in this life because of his good judgment and perspicacity, so … here we are.

For some people, a visit from Johnny Law might be a come to Jesus moment. But not Mike Lindell. Instead he describes himself as “witnessing to the FBI guys,” in an attempt to bring them around to the gospel of a massive election fraud in which Dominion Voting Systems “deleted the election,” as well as to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Can’t forget the big guy!

When the agents at last announced that they’d be taking Lindell’s phone pursuant to a warrant, rather than taking Jesus into their hearts, the pillow CEO was flabbergasted.

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So I called up one of my attorneys. He says, “Give him your phone.” I said, “I don’t want to give him my phone.” And he’s trying to talk me off the ledge, so I’m like …

At which point Bannon, who was just convicted on two counts of contempt of Congress and arrested for money laundering and fraud in the state of New York, interrupted to snark, “Note to self: get a new attorney.”

Hmmm, okay.

Yesterday, Lindell was back to “break some news.”

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After being introduced as “Mike Lindell the armor-piercing shell,” Lindell announced that he’d been “on the phone for three hours with some of the best lawyers in the country. Alan Dershowitz, Andrew Parker, Kurt Olsen. What can we do with what happened with the seizure of my phone, this FBI corruption.”

Minnesota attorney Andrew Parker has represented Lindell on various election matters, including his pending case against the January 6 Select Committee. MAGA lawyer/troll Kurt Olsen, got un-personed from the New York firm he founded after one too many attempts to use the courts to ratfuck the 2020 election, including signing onto Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton’s Supreme Court LOLsuit against seven swing states to invalidate their electoral votes and attempting to pressure the Justice Department to sign onto a similar complaint.

And Dersh … is Dersh.

This three-man brain trust is the dream team behind a Lindell-backed suit to stop the state of Arizona from using electronic voting equipment, the culmination of the promise by the pillow CEO to “sue all the machines.” So you know that whatever they cook up to vindicate Lindell’s rights is going to be real and spectacular.

“You’re hearing it here first, everybody. We’re suing the United States government and the FBI. And this isn’t just to get the phone back. This is my First, Fourth, and Fifth Amendment rights were broken and the Constitutional right [sic],” he went on.

“We’re not going to put up with this. We’re not going to be the Gestapo like in Nazi Germany. We’re being pro-active,” he said, finishing with a promise to “go places where no man has gone before.”

And what can you say, but JFC, dude. God bless.

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore where she writes about law and politics.

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