Rudy Giuliani Shaving Over His Food Raises So Many Questions

It still haunts me.

Last week, Michael Rappaport captured horrifying video of Rudy shaving himself in what appears to be the Delta lounge at JFK. But not the bathroom of the airport lounge at JFK… at a table.

While eating.

Next to other people eating.

It’s been a week, but I was finally able to muster the inner strength to watch this again and I have several questions:

1. Was he in a hurry or something?

Everyone’s had the need for emergency grooming. I would keep an electric razor in the office just in case I needed to spruce up for a surprise morning appearance after sitting at my desk overnight. But if he’s in such a hurry that he couldn’t be bothered to go to the bathroom, why is he still sitting in the club? And where the hell does Rudy need to be so urgently? It’s not like he’s, you know, allowed to practice law anymore. Maybe he was getting ready for a Cameo.

Sponsored

2. Doesn’t he need a mirror?

It’s a professional rite of passage to learn how to tie a tie without the aid of a mirror. Shaving without one feels more like a hopeless exercise in futility. I guess that’s why he’s jerking that thing across his face like a drunk Roomba hoping to get everything.

3. Might he really be a vampire?

Related to the last question, could Rudy be a daywalking Nosferatu? He has always had a vampiric look and we’ve seen that he bleeds not blood, but a viscous black ichor. If he cannot see his reflection, perhaps that explains why he callously sees no need to retire to the restroom for this. Thankfully, I feel we can put this one to bed… literally… because we’ve all seen Rudy reflected in a mirror before.

Sponsored

Phew!

4. What kind of muffin is that?

Not really a weighty question, just curious.

5. Aftershave?

Electric razors don’t rip up the face the same way a real blade would, but it still helps to splash something on after you’ve gone all Four Seasons Total Landscaping on your face. What kind of Drakkar Noir knockoff does Rudy wear?

Oh, wait, I actually know this.

6. Does he live in the airport now?

Rudy’s allegedly feeling the financial pinch. He’s got mounting legal bills, no professional license, a failed fundraising effort, and a deadbeat client trying to stiff him. Have we checked in to make sure he’s not just decamped to the airport? After all, Tom Hanks managed to live in JFK for years.

Hopefully next time Rudy can follow Tom’s lead to that island with the volleyball for a decade or so.


HeadshotJoe Patrice is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe also serves as a Managing Director at RPN Executive Search.