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Woo, Biglaw! Being a summer associate is the best!

There are several things that we can learn from this year’s summer associate event contest, because our readers’ unique tastes manifested themselves in the results. Lawyers and law students really like pop music performed by some of the hottest acts in America, but they love liquor even more. They’re wishy-washy when it comes to sporting events, but they absolutely hate cooking. After all, cooking is a real non-sequitur when Biglaw attorneys survive on Seamless.

Keeping these facts in mind, which firm do you think we’ll crown as the winner of this year’s competition?

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Former White House press secretary and gun regulation activist James Brady died last week. The coroner has apparently ruled Brady’s death a homicide. Nothing new happened, the coroner is simply saying that the bullet to the head that Brady took 33 years ago killed him. As murders go, this was an extremely long-tailed killing. Crim law professors of the world rejoice: life just delivered your next issue spotter.

But can a death three decades after a shooting open the door to a murder prosecution?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “James Brady Death Ruled Homicide 33 Years Later — Are You Impressed Now Jodie Foster?”

First, thanks to Baker & McKenzie, DLA Piper, Latham & Watkins, and Ulmer & Berne, all of whom endured my “book talk” about The Curmudgeon’s Guide To Practicing Law when I was recently back in the States.

Second — and proof that my mind is navigating on its own — I recently paused to think about driverless cars.

I suppose that, if you lived (as I do) in a major city that may be road-testing driverless cars before January, you’d be curious about these vehicles, too. (You’d want to consider, for example, whether you should stay on the sidewalk, even if that means walking endlessly in a one-block circle for the rest of your life.)

And if you labored (as I do) in the insurance (or insurance brokerage) space, you’d be scratching your head about what might happen to your industry if billions of dollars of auto insurance premium vanished (or was spent by people other than drivers) overnight. Lawyers for insurers should be thinking about driverless cars.

So, too, should lawyers outside the insurance space. Do you do DWI defense work? Your practice area may not exist in ten years. Do you participate in automotive accident or product liability cases? The world may be about to shift under your feet.

And I’m just getting warmed up here. . . .

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Jim Marchese

I don’t fight. I think it’s stupid. I’m trained as an attorney. If I want to hurt you, I’m going to sue you. I’m going to leverage your house. I’m gonna give you three years of hell in a courtroom. I’m going to bleed dry you financially, and I’m going to humiliate you as I depose you for eight hours and make you my bitch.

Jim Marchese, husband to Amber Marchese (one of the newest cast members of the Real Housewives of New Jersey), explaining why he chose to avoid a fight with Joe Gorga, another Real Housewives husband, on the latest episode.

(Marchese is a graduate of Seton Hall Law and was a whistleblower in the Cell Therapeutics case, which earned him $1.6 million. Marchese recently claimed to be involved in the bankruptcy fraud prosecution of Joe and Teresa Giudice, but a spokesperson for the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the District of New Jersey said “[n]o one involved with the prosecution has any idea who that man is.”)

China joint ventures are notorious for their high failure rate. An old Chinese saying that is often applied to joint ventures is “same bed, different dreams.”[1] Far too often, American companies and Chinese companies rush into joint ventures without ever discussing their respective dreams.

Many years ago, a client about to fly to China to meet with a potential Chinese joint venture partner asked for my help. I compiled a list of issues to raise at that meeting, and have provided a similar list (honed a bit more each time) to subsequent clients facing the same situation. The goal of raising these issues is to determine whether the two companies share the same dreams, and whether the Chinese company is JV worthy. Currently, this list includes the following questions:

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “China Joint Ventures: You’ve Got To Love The One You’re With”

J.D. = Just Debt

* Baker & McKenzie was bumped from the top spot in the Global 100 last year when DLA Piper swooped in to steal the firm’s glory. This year, B&M is back with a vengeance, and richer than ever. Take that, DLA dopes. [Am Law Daily]

* “I’m pretty sure I just got fired.” Before the bud business was big enough for Biglaw, the mere suggestion of going green was allegedly enough to warrant some pretty major disciplinary action from a leading law firm. [National Law Journal]

* Judge Thomas Griesa is toying with holding Argentina in contempt for saying that it didn’t default. Argentina struck back with the social media hashtag #GrieFault. Clever. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s defense team has an expert who says that any jury in Massachusetts will be tainted because of the “inflammatory” news coverage of the Boston Marathon bombing. [WSJ Law Blog]

* The ABA’s new Task Force on the Financing of Legal Education held its first public hearing to try to figure out why law school tuition is high. The ABA is so late to the party it’s not even funny. [ABA Journal]

Most everyone is talking about how the NCAA got crushed in the antitrust case headlined by former UCLA star Ed O’Bannon. Some have compared it to a top ranked team getting upset by a scrappy mid-major because sports analogies are obligatory when talking about sports cases. That analogy is not really apt. It’s more like the NCAA was a top ranked team that narrowly eked out that win. The mid-major team is rightfully pleased with its effort and the top team can breathe a sigh of relief.

But hanging ominously over the field is that the top team done got EXPOSED. And every team remaining on the schedule is psyched.

Judge Claudia Wilken’s 99-page opinion reads like a body blow to the NCAA — and then her order is a light knee scrape. But everyone else gunning for the NCAA has a lot to quote here….

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Most likely, this man is not a real professor.

I’m not going to write this post.

I’m going to let you, the readers, write the opening for this post, then I’m going to let the law school website write the body, then I’ll let a local paper write the closing.

I’ll just be over here, laughing my ass off.

Here are real emails I received from tipsters:

  • “Oh man, this is rich! Looks to me like some drunk, religious law student’s online fantasy, but apparently there’s an actual grownup person, or people, behind it. Drunk on Jesus perhaps. Evidently it’s ‘not a scam.’ Which makes it worse.”
  • “Reindeer award? Sign me up.”
  • “Please do an article on this. You could basically just copy and paste crazy s**t from their website; it really just writes itself.”

That’s what I’m trying to do, boss. I couldn’t even make up a name for a law school more ridiculous than the name it’s actually chosen…

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* It’s not that Justice Kennedy cares more about gay rights than women’s rights, it’s that Justice Kennedy understands gay rights better than women’s rights. That’s a much less charitable but shorter read of this insightful piece by a former Kennedy clerk. [Dorf on Law]

* The judge caught making racist and sexist remarks about Charlize Theron’s adoption has been banned from the bench. He wants to be judged on more than this incident. To quote Dr. Hibbert: “And hillbillies want to be called ‘Sons of the Soil’, but it ain’t gonna happen.” [Associated Press via Yahoo! News]

* Adam Carolla is keeping his fight against patent trolls alive. Ziggy socky ziggy socky hoy hoy hoy! [Mashable]

* Yesterday, the man who shot young Renisha McBride for knocking on his door was convicted of second-degree murder. Sadly, it was just one more in a string of cases where some idiot bought into the rhetoric of shooting first and asking questions later that gun lobbyists have pushed for years. [New York Times]

* Here’s something, a former law firm CIO wrote a novella called I Spy, You Spy, We All Spy (affiliate link) based on the allegedly true events of the “law firm spying on its own lawyers, employees and some of its employees’ family members.” Delightful. [Amazon]

* “Why Young Lawyers Shouldn’t Hate Hate Hate Baby Boomers Holding On to Jobs.” OK, I’ll go back to hating them for being the self-absorbed Me Generation that made Gordon Gekko a role model. [Law and More]

* At oral argument in the marriage equality cases, the lawyers and the Sixth Circuit exhibited… a lot of misconceptions. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

* The battle over the EPA’s Carbon rules isn’t over yet. Gear up for a Supreme Court trip. [Breaking Energy]

* Do you need to know how to pronounce the SCOTUS case of Volkswagenwerk Aktiengesellschaft v. Schlunk? There’s an app for that. [Law Technology News]

Just because there aren’t as many people applying to law school, doesn’t mean you should apply to law school. Even if there are fewer people to compete with, what can your feeble skills do against the machines?

From the annals my large “I told you so” files, a few years ago I predicted that the “Watson” technology — computers that can answer complex and subtle questions like Watson on Jeopardy — could be a threat to associate jobs. Now, that technology appears closer than ever to making a real impact on client services.

And it’s not just Watson. There are a lot of technologies floating around that threaten to make much entry-level associate work obsolete. If you are going to law school based on a bet of where the legal job market might be in three or four years, you might want to hedge against the rise of the machines…

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